My husband makes video games more important than his wife or two children.

Martha - posted on 03/17/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

3

0

0

I need help because I'm poising my mind with my husband. He arks 10 hour days and then the first thing he does when he walks through the door is turn his xbox 360 on or if I'm using the tv that that is connected to he goes online. But the video games are the worst he plays until I beg him to come to dinner to eat or else he plays till his oldest son needs him to look over his home work. Then he pauses the game and starts right back to it until bed time. I have a baby that just turned a year old and a step-son that is ten. I ask him to do simple tasks like change the babies diaper or put his pj's on him for me but even those thing don't get done. Why ??? I'll tell you why. He says (you know I'm playing my game and am at a crutual part or I will when the one round is finished 3 hours later.) I try talking with him explaining that this makes me angry but he says it helps him cool off and relax from such a stressedful day at work. Grr this upsets me so much. I am a stay at home mom but I would love to vent on something for hours and ignore all the important stuff around me like he does. Is there any help out there for me????

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 03/23/2011

13

7

1

It is CRAZY how many people have this same issue! OVERWHELMING results on google! Wow...at least I know now I'm not alone lol :P

Jenni - posted on 03/18/2011

5,928

34

392

Video games can be highly addictive! I doubt it's anything personal towards you and his kids; that he loves them more than you. I really think they can be insanely addictive.

Maybe sit him down and have a chat. See if he'll be willing to set up a video game schedule. Maybe one hour a day at a specific time. (after the kids are in bed preferably). Try to set it up an hour before he goes to bed. Otherwise it will be harder to get him off after the hour is up. :P If he chooses to stay on longer than that hour, well, it will only be hurting him and the amount of sleep he gets that night.



Let him know how you feel about it. I don't know, I find my hubby has a hard time emphathizing at times. So if I give him a hypothetical (shoe on the other foot) situation he usually has an easier time understanding where I'm coming from. Make sure you have his undivided attention at the time (as in, he aint bug eyed to the damn video game). Try to not come across as nagging. I know it's hard when some men think whenever we're talking about something serious, we're nagging. :P

Carol - posted on 03/20/2011

3

0

0

I would set the kids down on his lap and say, I'm going out for a while. I have been working like a Mom all day and now it is time for you to play Daddy.He will get the message after a couple of times like that. Men just don't think sometimes. You have to give them a rude awakening some times. Life is not all TV and video games after work. You have a family to enjoy. Kids grow so fast and he needs to spend time with all of you

Jennifer - posted on 03/19/2011

4

6

0

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel!!! It seems like this is more and more common in our generation. Men aren't like the men of the good ol' days that come home and mow the lawn or fix things around the house without being asked! They used to take pride in working around the house, now it's a nuisance.
So I am in the same boat. I have a 3 month old and a 3 year old, I pretty much do everything on my own. When I do get help, it's because I have to ask him, and he does it begrudgingly. It is very frustrating and disappointing.

I allow him to have his alone time, and let him wind down when he gets home from work. But that is it. He must spend family time with us or he doesn't get that luxury.

Try working out a schedule with him. Tell him you understand he needs time to unwind after work, and you will allow him that. But his kids need him around more, and he needs to step up and designate some of his time to his family. The video games will still be there.

Hope things get better for you. Just keep at it, they will slowly but surely work with you little by little. Don't expect him to change overnight.

Martha - posted on 03/18/2011

3

0

0

Thank you for all the helpful information. I do plan on talking to him this weekend so I will post next week and let you know how I feel it went.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

17 Comments

View replies by

Emerald Rae - posted on 01/25/2013

1

0

0

Hi there!

I'm so sorry you're having the same problems I am! I just typed this into google feeling completely miserable and I can't believe how many poor women are in the exact same position. Reading down everyone's comments is reassuring at least that it's not just something wrong with me, but at the same time so sad that men are choosing to threaten their family life for the sake of a stupid game.
My partner is 31 and I'm 23 we have a daughter who is 2 and a half, and he just keeps staying up all night long playing DOTA 2 on his computer. He has a "study" if you can call it that (it's essentially a games room) where he pretends to work (he's self employed) but 9/10 times I go in there to give him food or ask him something he's on that game.
It's so heartbreaking to go to bed alone every single night, and hear him crawl in at 5am. What's worse is he'll make such a racket brushing his teeth and getting washed that he sometimes wakes up our daughter!
I feel so bored of asking him time and time again to please stop playing video games, I feel so invisible to him. I love him dearly but it really is pushing me away. I am in such a desperate situation I feel like I can't cope, I don't want to leave him but I feel like what's the point of staying together like this?

Amber - posted on 03/25/2011

23

32

0

everytime my boyfriend/baby daddy does that, i threaten to throw the game system off the balcony (3rd story). i start unhooking things and he changes his attitude real quick after yelling for a few minutes. he is fine for a few days then it starts all over again. its almost like potty training a child, you have to be consistant with what you do to have results. hope that helped

Ruthie - posted on 03/25/2011

7

0

0

Ohh I have been there and done that. I think after the upteenth time of me growling at him and him saying he needed to unwind from work I lost it and yelled when do i get to unwind. He promptly said when there asleep. I can not say i handeled it well i yanked out the cable to the computer droped his son in his lap and took an hour long soak in the tub with the cable on the bathroom sink.. Least to say he now pays a little more attention to the kids and give me breaks though he still needs reminders on ocassion. Oddly some think as long as they are sitting next to you doing there own thing its still spending time. But make it clear that the kids and you need attention and occasional breaks from eachother.

Hope - posted on 03/24/2011

184

51

12

This is a sad commentary on many men today, and worse of all its true. My husband had the same addiction to a pc game. Over time we grew apart in our relationship and I left him, until he got his act together. He has been working on a lot of his own issues and knows now that I'm not going to put up with his crap anymore. Now, he limits his game time to few nights a week and is very excited to spend time with me and our son. We plan out certain days a head of time that is only for our-time( not his game time or friends- time etc.) He asks me to be direct with requests or issues that we need to work on etc. He says he simply isn't wired like me and needs simple, straight-forward talk about our relationship etc. Many men do not have a relationship censor that women tend to have and they need to be reminded that, " If it took romancing a woman in order to marry her, what makes a man think that stopping the romance will induce his wife to stay in their relationship?" Thank God that my husband is now more considerate and involved in our family.

User - posted on 03/20/2011

3

3

1

I am with you. My husband plays his Xbox to no end. I only see him, when he's filling up his water or grabs something to eat. I am pretty much left alone with our 3 year old. We both work and I would like to be able to relax a little bit too. I have not found a solution to this problem and have given up. Good luck to you.

Elizabeth - posted on 03/19/2011

3

16

0

Don't treat him with the same disrepect as he is showing you. Just say, "Hey if you are going to play xbox everyday at least you can come home and hang out with your family for a few hours until you get on it". He is going to do whatever and it is better to come to an agreement than start a fight. As for being a mom ....THAT's why we are the best because we give up everything and dad's just a little. lol... Just saying...

Louise - posted on 03/18/2011

5,429

69

2321

My husband is like this but with his lap top or i phone. He does now however wait until I go to bed before he starts on them. This is much better than being ignored all night and I have to confess he is a very good dad. But I never see him come to bed as it is normally at 1 am and when you are gettin up with a 2 year old I just can't stay awake. I have tried for months to get him to understand, now I just give in and go to bed alone night after night. I mean what damage is he doing with a computer. But if his actions affected my kids I would be going nuts and giving him an ultimatum he either curbs his computer time or I'm out of there. If he ignores you you might as well be a single mum.

Melanie - posted on 03/17/2011

63

47

8

TRY & keep the conversation calm & non-blaming
i know when you have his attention it will be difficult to not bring up everything he does that annoys you, but try to just focus on this one thing & see how it goes....if you explain that he can play as much as he likes after tea or after the kids are in bed hopefully he will agree, or alternatively he needs to play a game that can be paused if you need his help or if the kids need him for something.
good luck, keep calm, deep breaths & fingers crossed for you

Stifler's - posted on 03/17/2011

15,141

154

604

No, but there is help out there for him. He has an addiction to gaming clearly if that's all he does when he is home and isn't functioning in the family unit even to do simple tasks like dress the kids for bed or eat his dinner.

April - posted on 03/17/2011

586

5

73

My husband was like that but with the computer. He was on the computer all the time. I couldn't take it. If a spoke to him it's like he didn't hear me. Well i just about had it so i ignored him. When he spoke to me, when it was time for bed even if we were eating our meal. I completely acted as if he were not in the room.

My husband is very VERY sensitive to my feelings so this got to him. He kept asking me what was wrong but i kept on ignoring him. He got angry but i just went about my business. Finally after a day of ignoring him, I told him how i felt and what it was doing to me. I needed his help and not just that but i also wanted to spend time with him too and our two children who loved playing with their dad.

He listened and he changed, he's still on the computer a lot but no where near as bad as before. I can talk to him again (finally!) he listens to me, he helps out and i always give him a "father-son time" and "father-daughter time" so he knows he has to go out and play with the kids.

I'm not saying you should do what i did, (it could backfire) i just wanted to share my experience. Just talk to him, tell him how he makes you feel. If he cares he will change. Hope it works out.

Martha - posted on 03/17/2011

3

0

0

Thanks for the help. I guess I could try that. Im just worried he will get angry back at me. I have threatened to through it out the window and run it over with the car and all he says is " what will that due... I will have to just go get another one". I don't know. Thanks again though I will try that and wish me luck.

Melanie - posted on 03/17/2011

63

47

8

maybe you could unplug the tv & talk to him about it before he gets a chance to turn it on? or discuss it on the weekend when he hasnt been at work all day..my hubby does the same, not every day & not to the point of ignoring everyone & i suggested to him that he not play games that cant be paused until after tea when the kids are in bed. i explained that i get he needs to unwind but he isnt single & his kids have been at school all day & missed him while he was at work all day too.
good luck & hope this helps :D

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms