My husband's mom side of the family isn't playing fair with my kids

Angela - posted on 02/21/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have 2 sons from a previous relationship who's father is deceased. We started with one daughter together and my husband mom side of the family would just always shower her with gifts, as my sons would see this. I made a comment to my husband that this isn't fair and that if they can't get all the kids something then they don't need to get any of them anything. He said he would have a talk with them which I doubt he ever said anything cause they continued. My sons only received gifts for Christmas. Well a couple years later and we now have another daughter and the same thing. My sons were visiting my sister and they had told her how their sisters always get gifts and they get nothing, so when she told me what they had said I was really upset. I told my husband this is exactly what I didn't want happening. The boys have noticed and have always noticed and never said anything. My husband is a step child so I would assume he would be one person that would completely understand. He mentioned to his mom and she has gotten better, but never ask to spend time with the boys, but will with the girls. His step dad side of the family is amazing. They have always treated the kids fairly and never have I ever felt out of place with them, but I always dreaded going to his moms side because his grandma has been so obvious. She always wants pictures with her grandkids, so while my sons sisters are getting pictures taken they are in the sideline. I'm so tired of this and no longer even want to go to his moms side for any reason. I don't even know what to do anymore. My family is fully aware and asking me why myself or my husband aren't standing up for my sons. My husband is quick to express how he feels to anyone, but when it's about my sons it's like he holds back and it's hurtful because he knows how it makes me and my sons feel. It's caused many arguments and I don't even know what to do. Has anyone been in this situation or have any suggestions before I completely cut his family off?

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Angela - posted on 02/28/2016

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Hi Jodi, I did respond, but apparently it went on someone else post. They don't really talk to their grandma and couldn't really say when the last time was. She will comment on pictures of the boys and of my daughters, but that's the extent of it. Every other year they fly to Florida to see their grandpa.

Jodi - posted on 02/28/2016

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Angela, I asked earlier if the boys still have contact with their paternal grandparents? This one could make a difference to how you could respond in this situation.

Angela - posted on 02/28/2016

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Thank you for your reply. I came to a decision that myself and the boys will not be going to any functions on his mom side. Therefore, it's not a constant reminder and if my husband feels it's becoming too much then I feel he can say something. I don't feel it's my place to say something to his family.

Angela - posted on 02/28/2016

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Yes they do, but not so much with the dads mom, but their dads father they do.

Raye - posted on 02/22/2016

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Well, your son's are not biologically related to your husband's extended family. And you can't make them change if they don't want to. If your husband won't take up for his family (yes, your sons are HIS family, he committed to those boys when he married you), then that's something you need to work out with him. In the mean time, you can stay away from the husband's family as much as you can, and explain to the boys about the girls being blood related to them and they are not. While it's not fair, kids should know how to cope with such things. There's a lot of "not fair" in the world.

My sister's husband had a daughter by this ex wife, and two son's with my sister. Even though they were all blood related to him, his mother showed preferential treatment to the daughter. Since the father didn't take up for all the kids, his mom continued treating the boys differently. Some people are just like that, and unless they are made to realize the error of their ways, they're not going to change.

Jodi - posted on 02/21/2016

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Can I ask if the boys still have contact with their paternal grandparents?

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