Kate - posted on 11/19/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )
I have been married to my husband for ten years, at the time his children were 5years SD and 9 years SS and mine were 8 years S and 9 years D. Things were great till we got married and unfortunately then his daughter had a huge reaction and has never really wanted to be a part of our lives. My husband has maintained contact with her by phone and we have really only ever seen her at Xmas and her birthday. I felt strongly that she should be encouraged to keep being part of our family but my husband didn't want to push her and felt she would come round in her own time. Anyway, over the years because we have felt differently about how to handle the situation, we found it easier not to talk about it and so my husband has pretty much kept to himself any news of his daughter or would pick and choose what he would tell me. Of course, things get back to me through friends and family so I have been aware that he has had contact and he has given money for certain things. I'm not against this as my husband has taken on the parenting role with my children and certainly has never begrudged spending on my children. But the difference is I would never spend $700 on a birthday present for my child without first discussing it with him. The secrecy and lying when he is questioned has been very hard to tolerate and I would really appreciate hearing from anyone else in a similar situation. I love my husband and can't talk to anybody about this as I couldn't bear to be disloyal to him so am hoping some advice from others here will help.