Sally - posted on 02/15/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )
I recently read a post that with a subject title close to mine, and I just fell apart reading her post. It could've been written from my own story. Every word, she wrote was me, Savannah Robinson, if you read this, i'm curious if things have changed for you since 2010 when you wrote this?? I would be interested if and how things might have changed?
I read the other posts that women posted and one woman posted that " it's not her husbands fault, it's HERS, and "don't push him, just love him more", and I am so frustrated by these comments, because there are men, that seem to get off on punishing their wives and like to play the victim, and like to stay and lay in their muck. I've been married 26 years and every year, despite me begging for us to do devotionals, to do counseling, ask for us to pray together, read the 5 Love Language books, I got him one and one for me, his book never been opened. I could go on and on. I believe the mental torture that he puts me thru is making me physically sick. And I know that some of you will say, you can't be tortured unless you allow yourself, but some of you really don't get it. YES, I have prayed, prayed and continue to pray, have scriptures on my mirror, go to church, am part of a woman's bible study, we are part of a couples christian cell group weekly. But there are christian men that are so screwed up by their upbringing, and emotionally absent fathers and negative mothers, that for them to change and stop hurting their wives/children verbally, that for them to change seems so unsurmountable, and impossible. My husbands refusal to change, refusal to even start, because he literally doesn't want to put in the work, nor does he believe in himself, and has a lot of false pride, it has me so lonely and dejected, that daily I pray for God to be my husband and to take care of me. But as we all know we all long for our physical husbands here on earth to lead our family, treat us like a treasure. I too am lost and I am married to someone who I think would rather be single in general. He doesn't know how to love a woman, cause he never saw it modeled. I'm tired of being physically sick and wish that I could live without him financially. I want so badly for him to be well in his heart and mind. But his refusal to listen to me when I felt like my heart was changing.. has now turned out to be very scary feeling. I feel nothing for him. His hugs are welcoming, but anything more than that is repulsive. I have no respect for him at all. We have hit rock bottom.. in fact, we are below the dirt.. i'm the only one that is trying to climb out of a pit, that he seems to like and think he would like to be in the pit all by himself. I see such a different man when we are in our cell groups, or at church, but at home, he is a different person. He has only been happy ONE time in our lives, and that was just last year when he was on a ski slope skiing with some guys from our cell group, he called me crying about how much fun he was having, and I was thrilled for him, but he was alone on top of a mountain and was thrilled for him and thought that maybe he had a revelation, but the feeling of having done something he dreamed about was short lived. Just the next day, he fell, injured himself,had to have surgery and then the frailty of life woke him up to the fact that he is getting older and can't do what he used to, which has taken him further into feeling sorry for himself and always sees the glass half empty. I am an unloved wife that wishes for a husband that i have never known. I'm miserable, God please help me to love him and not feel the sickening feelings about him, I don't even know what to pray anymore. Ladies, please don't preach to me, I've done all I know to do, I just need a safe place to cry and to let my heart release what i'm feeling, and if you have words of comfort on how to let God be your husband when your husband won't be one, that would be awesome.