My husband sucks the life out of our family with his negativity!!

Chelsea - posted on 01/01/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I don't know what to do anymore. I want to leave but feel I can't. I don't even know if i love him anymore. I have hope that things will get better as he's young and not even 30 quite yet but his maturity level is beyond ridiculous! He has never been modeled properly how to take care of a family or a wife for that matter and is so negative, it makes me want to crawl in a hole when his presence enters a room. His excuses are killing me and he says he'll get counseling, etc but its been one excuse after another for the last 4 months. I have two daughters, 11 and 13 who are suffering because of our constant arguing and their exposure to his anger and negativity. We also have a 14 month old and another baby on the way which KILLS me to think were bringing yet another baby into this mess but it is what it is and i can't go back now. How can i leave this guy??? I refuse to give up yet I'm suffering so horribly :( I don't even remember the last time i truly laughed or even truly smiled unless it was my kids doing. I feel like I am the only one running the house and all he brings to the table is CRAP. I am so over feeling this way and feel so stuck. His meer presence makes me so sick. I just loathe him. He's so argumentative and always has to have the "my penis is bigger" contest. He's arrogant vs confidant and almost seems to love arguing about doing things "his" way when they're CLEARLY wrong! No, I'm being serious. Like last night, i asked if he could make the kids a tether ball game. You have to get a tire, you need a wheel barrow to mix and pour the cement and fill it with cement. He goes off on how he has a tall, big bucket he can just mix it in and scoop it but wants to do dirt instead. I feel like anyone with smarts in this area KNOWS that dirt isn't going to work. I am so sick of arguing about things that make me hate him even more. He has a degree in mechanical engineering and is smart yet SO STUPID! I can't take it anymore and don't know what to do :( Is there hope he'll one day mature into an actual man and raise these girls with me with respect for themselves and show them what a real man is like and model to them what they should and should not tolerate?? I feel like I'm setting them up for failure :( Am i being naive thinking things will change as he gets older and matures more?


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Jodi - posted on 01/01/2015




It takes two to argue. I found your comment "almost seems to love arguing about doing things "his" way when they're CLEARLY wrong!". So you argue back. Because you argue about doing things your way?

You asked him to make the kids a tether ball game. He made a suggestion on how he was going to do it. It seems to me, you asked him for a favour and then dictated how that needed to look because he was wrong. How about you do it yourself if you are going to be critical of the way he has chosen to do it. Honestly, if I was doing something around the house at the request of my husband and he started telling me how to do it, I'd throw it at him and tell him to do it himself!

If you are sick of arguing, stop arguing. It really sounds to me like both of you like to be right and that's what you are arguing over. Both of you get into some counselling. If he won't go (or makes excuses), get yourself in there. This is a situation where BOTH of you need to change, not just him. You both need to be making compromises and both need to work on the relationship, but if he won't, counselling will at least help you make a decision on where to go next.

Michelle - posted on 01/01/2015




Surely he was like this before you got married, why didn't you leave then?
You can't make someone change who they are and if their personality isn't compatible with yours then you probably shouldn't be together.
No one can say he will mature and change as we don't know. If he does are you still going to want to be around him. It sounds like you can't stand him now, do you think it will get better?

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