My husband thinks I'm lazy...

Julie - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Dont even know where to begin. I work from home and try to keep the house clean, keep up with the laundry and dishes, cook dinner, go to the grocery tore, etc. my husband comes home and makes rude comments all the time either under his breath or directly to me. Tonight I was hurt by a comment he made.....he actually said, what did you do today after I asked him to help me with something. It was said in asbide way and was so upsetting. Well, today I brought both kids to daycare, chatted with the director, went to the grocery store, did a load of laundry, worked, had a girls night in party which I cooked tons of food ( he made one thing) picked the kids up from daycare, colored and worked on a project with my daughter, etc. not to mention that I had hernia and other abdominal surgery 8 weeks ago in which I am still taking pain pills because I am in SO much pain.i a tired of being made to feel like I don't do enough

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Michelle - posted on 05/18/2012

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My husband doesn't expect the house to be spotless. When I tell him I've had a lazy day he just says that he didn't marry me to keep the house clean, he could hire a maid for that. We both do chores around the house but niether of us has expectations on what should be done each day. He would prefer that I spend time with the children than clean all day.

I have had a tough week and my husband has been doing so much for me while I've been a blubbering mess. He works long hours but still comes home and does washing and bathes our daughter.

Jodi - posted on 05/18/2012

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Just out of interest.....does your husband have his own time out any time? Outside of work and family? I have found this makes a HUGE difference.

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Julie - posted on 07/24/2014

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Why some of men say such think about us being lazy. Dont' men understand we do lots of cleaning and cooking what else they want in life?

Kristen - posted on 06/23/2012

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this is so strange. i thought i was the only one dealing with some of these issues. one comment above said to take a few days off from keeping up with the house and see if he does it or how he handles it to see that we stay at home moms actually do work hard. i've done this, taken a few days off just to see what he would say or how he would react, and he comes back to say that i never do anything around the house. even though the only thing left to do would be to dust here and there, or mop the floors for the most part. we have a 3 year old, so i'm keeping up with three of us. granted he works labor 14+ hours a day, but still. i take our 3 year old to school two or three times a week so i can do the running, errands, cleaning, doctor appts, ect, so i never have time to actually stop, relax, sit back, and chill, because then i have the time of day it is stuck in my head constantly making sure i'm not late picking our child up, then dinner, clean up, bath, bed, ect. this drives me crazy. he tells me that on those days she goes to school that i should relax, then tells me that i need to do this and that. AGH!!!! what do i do?!

Julie - posted on 05/18/2012

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I truly think that. Oest people think thAt because you work from home, the house should be clean....

Julie - posted on 05/18/2012

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Funny you should say that.....we just we t away last weekend with no kiss....had such a great time. Relaxed, walked a lot, etc. then we came home and it started again.

Sally - posted on 05/18/2012

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The comments are very unfair but it sounds like your both exchusted and under stress. I know when myself and my SO get like this we tend to snipe at each other. Its good that your going away for a break but could you maybe arrange for the kids to be watched for a day and night and just spend time doing nothing. We do this every now and again. We may just spend the whole time im bed watching dvds and eating junk. No cleaning, washing etc. It really helps to recharge.

Julie - posted on 05/18/2012

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But I have left him and he does get most of it done.....it's actually not normal how much running around he does. I've never had the amount of energy he or his family have. So he can keep the house clean and the kids happy all on his own. And go to work. I've talked to someone who said this was not normal but he, his mom and sister can do it. Makes me feel inadequate. How do I get him to appreciate what I do? When I was in bed after surgery he was pushing me to move around so I would recover quicker.oy. I sware, he is a great guy with an amazing heart, just doesn't have a filter.

Jodi - posted on 05/17/2012

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I was about to say, Julie, you need to go away for a while and leave him to EVERYTHING, and then he might appreciate you a little more. There's no excuse for him making these comments. When you get back from being away, and come home to a disaster, ask him what he actually did while you were away.

Any more comments like that and I would stop doing anything for him, that's for sure. It would be rather a pity that he couldn't sit down to dinner at the same time as the rest of the family, but you did the shopping and cooking, so...... all out of luck.

Julie - posted on 05/17/2012

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Yes, I've explained it many times to him. He never understands why Iam upset and turns it around making me feel even worse. He is sleeping now and of course I can't sleep because how upset I am. My doctor said I am his second worse patient he has had due to the severity of my surgery. My recovery is taking a lot longer to recover from and we were not prepared for that. I am going out of town in July.....can't wait to leave him with both girls.

[deleted account]

That's no excuse for him acting like a jerk.....

But anyway, have you told him how much pain you are in? Have you seen the Dr about the pain to make sure something hasn't gone wrong post-op? Have you both sat with a cup of coffee and had a chat about this issue, or even just a chat about all that has happened in your lives recently and how it makes you both feel. Sometimes a quiet chat over coffee can really help to ease the stress and also help you to understand each other. Otherwise, there are two things you could do to make him understand how much you do. You could take a day or two off and let him do all the stuff you would normally do. Maybe that would help him to see you are just a busy as he is... OR you could keep a bit of a diary, writing down all that you do and how long the tasks take and when he asks you what you've doing all day give him the diary (or throw it at his head ) and make him read it.

Wish I could be more help, I hope you can sort it out.

Julie - posted on 05/17/2012

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Btw, myhusband does a ton around the house. He is so not lazy. It's been a really tough year for us. We moved, had a baby that has had 2 heart surgeries, dad had heart surgeries, plus other drama....we are both exhausted

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