Jamie - posted on 09/26/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
I usually put a lot of thought and care into my writing, but right now my brain is in a haze, so forgive my thinking aloud without clarity. I am a stay at home mom. We just moved into a new house WHILE my husband was doing his Capstone, and we have a 10 month old daughter. His Capstone basically ment I was doing the moving and the parenting on my own. Need I say more, I'm sure most of the mommy's out there can imagine the emotional and mental challenge there. He's finally done with his Capstone, and I've started school up again. I do finally feel like I'm slightly getting back to normal; I've been cooking and baking again, but the unpacking hasn't really been happening, and things are a mess. Like most you other mom's I'm experiencing the "whose working harder" dilema. We talk about it, so it's not destroying us, but there's been a greater dilema I've been struggling with for a while. From the moment I became pregnant everything has been...what's the right word...vulnerable for me and our daughter; i.e. I'm pregnant can't lift heavy things, can't stand for too long, can't drive, can't walk for an (that list goes on and I was on bed rest to matters worse). After I had my daughter I was still pretty much bedridden due to bleeding, fatigue, pain and more pain from tearing. So again I'm incapable of taking on our life's tasks. Now my daughter is 10 months old, she's started to become very attached, new teeth came in, every single little things is a life hasard. It seems like all other tasks in life have either been neglected or befallen on my husband. The problem I'm having is that all of this has created this impression that I can't do anything by myself. I don't make the money, so I'm asking for things like a child. I haven't been driving because I haven't replaced my glasses and wasn't trusting the car we had or my own reflexes to drive with my daughter in the car. So, again, asking him to go where we need or desire to go like a child. We got a new house, new car that I trust, I'm feeling better and she's developed a sense of caution (which helps my mental health :P). I feel like we're both ready for mommy to get back to being an adult wife who can take on all the responsibilities that have been imbalanced or neglected. HERE'S MY PROBLEM: My husband can't seem to let go and let me handle things. It's like he's worried I'm gonna screw up somehow. I'm gonna get us killed, or I'm gonna spend allllll the money, or I'm gonna break something, or I'm gonna ignorant something and it (whatever it is) won't understood, taught, or handle properly. Now I know that totally sounds like my husband is an angry control freak. As far as his behavior is concerned he's the most laid back person you'll ever meet; and that's where I'm confused. If he were and angry control freak this would be easier solve. Why won't my husband trust me? I know things have been vulnerable, and I know I can be a klutz, and I'm still recovering from my daughter stealing my brain, but in the world is going on in his head that he has to do things on my own? For example today I tell him I need him to be home by 4pm so I can get to Walmart to get some decent glasses that will allow me to drive safely and he starts looking up places to go that will take our insurance, giving me phone numbers, finding information, giving me addresses. And even more I just got a my $600 dollar check from my client (I'm a at home graphic designer) and I was planning on dealing with it own my own with my own money. No stress, no worries, no involvement on his part. I just wanted to tell him what I was doing. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of behavior? Like I said it's not all aggressive or controlling it's just more like...I feel like he doesn't trust my judgment I guess. How am I supposed to handle this? Life is finally feeling like life; I don't want to create a whole new issue now.