my husband wont forgive me because i called the police on him due to him abusing an animal

Beverly - posted on 06/08/2013 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My husband and i have had our problems thats for sure, and i love him dearly, but he drinks so much that its hard to put up with. But i do, but since i had my daughter he started a few yrs after to go every wk end to do something away from home, golf, fishing, hunting , yu name it, i begged him to stay home at times and asked to please even to give us 1 day a wk with him for family time. Then it just got worse and worse for him to be doing things with friends more and more, even if he was at home during the wk , working out side in the barn, he would be drinking till drunk. Then hunting season and every wk end he was gone, i tried going and enjoyed until it would be just about drinking and drinking.
Anyway, one wk end he tied our horses legs with a rope and pulled it out from under him and the horse fell and he pulled the rope and put a 2 inch deep laceration on his back part of the foot. Then he had a friend who brought his horse over and he did the same thing, brought the horse to our house, he was drunk as well, put the horse on the ground the same way, and then jumped on top of the horse and pounding on it with a sledge hammer, and jumping on the horses neck. I was so upset, and told him to have him leave, and then we got into an arguement about it because it to me it was animal abuse, and i was talking to my mom and she told me i should call the police, so i did.
So after this he was mad, but then our relationship goes up and down for yrs, and he left me on VD once for a trip, once on xmas till new years all because he was upset, and never talked to me about any of it.
So i left a few times but let him know , because i wanted to help my son who is in the military take care of his house, and i thought it would be a good break, and i felt releaved.
then i came back and we started arguing one night and he was screaming at me and me at him and he told me go ahead call the cops , thats what you do best, and i said no, no, and we kept arguing so i said fine, and i was so upset , i thru my Iphone on the bed, i hit the emergency call button, but did not call the police, so the police called my phone and my husband answered, because i refused, and he told them it was just a little arguement, but they had to come out, the officer asked what was going on, we said just were arguing and upset , so he asked if i felt like i was in danger and out of being angry i said yes, then my husband got upset and asked my daughter to tell the office if he had ever hit me, she said no, so then i told the officer i was sorry, no i know he would never ever hit me, i was just upset . I didnt mean to call . so we went outside, and talked and he asked us to just sleep in differant areas , and that my husband seem to have his priorities messed up. That drinking and parting at his age is immature.
now my husband and i are separated and i want to wk it out, and see a counselor or do a program at home, like marriagemax or savemymarriagenow program, but he wont do anything, he is angry at me, and wont even let me come to the house. I have to call to see my daughter who is 21 to meet her. , he says he doesnt want any drouble from me and that if i go there he will call the cops. I cant get him to change his mind about getting help on our marriage. should i give up? was i wrong to call the police on my spouse for the abuse ? I dont know how to feel, except mostly confused, alone, sad, missing him, and wanting it to wk, i try talking to him and its all anger and he says no no no, I want my life back, so leave me alone, i want a divorce. I dont want a divorce . I love him very much, and i know it can wk, if we do things together, but i dont know how to reach him. Please let me know

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Warning Strong Language. Little Miss, I understand if you feel you need to delete this, but you know me well enough, I think, that you know I wouldn't speak this way if I didn't care deeply about this issue.

Get the F*** out of that marriage. He is the lowest of the lowest form of human being and I'm honestly not sure he qualifies at human at all at this point. Aside from what he did to the horses, which was ILLEGAL and he should have been made to stand trial for, you have to consider the drunk driving. I have absolutely NO RESPECT, NO SYMPATHY, NO COMPASSION for the F***ing @$$es of this world who have the audacity to get behind the wheel of a car and put into danger not only those in his own car, but those sharing the road with him without any knowledge of his intoxication. He could have KILLED your children, and you think this is okay? You want to get back with him? You want to "fix your marriage"???
I'm sorry, but ANY "man" who put my child at risk by driving drunk would be in a F***ing jail cell. For get gainful employment--I would ruin his life. Drive him into the ground so far he wouldn't even have the brain power to HOPE he could get out of the hell I put him through.
ANYONE can avoid driving drunk--it's not rocket science and there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for it. He should loose his job for it--if he's too stupid to know not to try to drive drunk he's probably too stupid for even the simplest form of employment. You drive drunk, you are trying to murder someone because that is what happens when people drive drunk, high, or otherwise under the influence. You really want to be married to a man who would rather kill someone in a car than pay $40 to get home from his latest party? Raise your standards.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/10/2013

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called the cops on him? Hell, I'd have run him off the property with a 30-30, THEN called the cops, and Animal protection. What an asshole! Oh, and btw, abuse of that nature against an animal is prison time where I'm from.

I'd have filed a restraining order YEARS AGO against the asshole, though so...

Get yourself some counseling. You are a victim of violent abuse. He may not have hit you, but he didn't have to. He was violent enough to scare you into thinking you can't do anything without him.

Good luck, honey, but I agree with pretty much everyone else on here. Get out now, get counseling, and YOU get a restraining order against HIM.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/09/2013

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I don't understand why you don't want to divorce this man. He is clearly mentally and emotionally abusing you, and probably the kids. I don't care if it is only when he is drinking, that is not an excuse, and you using it is an excuse is literally excusing his behavior AND more importantly ENABLING him.

He VIOLENTLY beat 2 horses. You bet your sweet ass I would have called the cops, and filed for divorce the next day. There is no saving this man. He does not want to be saved. He needs to WANT to change on his own. And do it asking for help. If he is not doing this, you cannot force change, no matter how much you love him. Sounds like he is destroying everything. HE is. not YOU.

Minna - posted on 06/10/2013

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Honestly- if a friend or family member told you all of this and asked your advice, would you even have to think about it? What if i your poor daughter had a boy friend this cruel? Once you figure out finances you'll be amazed at how much better you feel. You can't even realize the pressure this punishing jerk has kept on you all this time.
As far as working on the marriage, it takes 2. He likes the way he is. He likes making you feel bad. He could do what he wants, why would he change? If you keep apologizing he may relent on the divorce, but you'll be in worse shape than ever. Minna

Michelle - posted on 06/09/2013

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If he doesn't want help then it would be best to walk away.
Yes you did the right thing by calling the police. You need to make sure that he NEVER drives the children while drunk again though.

You are actually defending him with the abuse though. It doesn't matter if he's done it once or all the time, abuse is abuse! Him yelling at you and cussing you out is abuse, there is no other words for it.
You have to decide if you are wanting to carry on being treated like that or move and possibly find someone who will treat you the way you deserve.

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Jodie - posted on 06/12/2013

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You are in a very DANGEROUS situation. It will only get worse. It's a well known fact that any monster capable of the type of animal abuse you describe "graduates" to hurting / killing people. It's just a matter of time before he seriously hurts you or the children.

I've been where you are. I tried to change the man but instead ended up changing myself..from a woman with hopes, dreams and a love for life to a hopeless, depressed, sad, resentful person. A shell of my former self. Your defending him because to admit the truth of it is too much to bear. Need to save face.. But deep down you know this is a disaster. You and the kids deserve better. Your children deserve happy memories of childhood--not memories of a nasty, selfish drunk who treats thier mom like garbage. There is no hope here. He doesn't want to change and until you GET THE HELL OUT your in grave danger and so are your kids!!

Have you ever watched "Life with Billy?" it's a movie based on a true story of a woman who was acquitted of murder after she killed her abusive drunken husband. This man was so charming and wonderful in the beginning and ended up viciously beating her and the kids. You stay with this man and this could be you one day soon.

Please get out. Take the kids and go somewhere safe. I ended up in a women's shelter that helped me get free daycare so I could get counseling for myself and got a house that I pay next to nothing for rent. There is help out there if you reach out, but this man is a dead end..please don't fool yourself. You and the kids deserve much better!!

Beverly - posted on 06/10/2013

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Thats what i am trying to do , beleive me , but ita been so hard because i have to live with my kids , trying to get wk , finish school, broke , owe a lot of bills , a d my son just paid a lot pf money for a truck that i have owned a d paid off bit had to borrow money on to live, but then couldnt get wk to pay it back , so now he hates me , and i have broken down a few times bevause its been realty hard , but none of the get it or are angry because i am struggling to get a job and not even allud back at my hisbands house because he says he will put me in jail. so i let him know , he could have killed any body on tbe road including my kids . And he still does it every wk end , be is being really stupid

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2013

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May I suggest that you read your responses without blinkers on. They scream a typical abused response. You keep defending him and making excuses for not leaving. Have a good look at what you have written about what he has done and HONESTLY think about what you would say to the woman writing it.
Keep in mind that the only person who can change him is himself. Women always like to think they can change people but we can't.

Dove - posted on 06/10/2013

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He's an abuser. Plain and simple. I'm glad he doesn't want you to come back. Maybe now you can begin to heal from a lifetime of abuse. Please seek counseling and hopefully in time you will realize that being away from him is for the best.

Katie Yahs - posted on 06/10/2013

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Your wasting your time, my sister was in similar situation it only gets worst, she almost died, now years later she found her prince charming and has 2 new babies. good luck

Enna - posted on 06/10/2013

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I just want to point out that abusing animals is a common practice for abusers, child molesters, and murderers. It's something that they start doing, and it can lead to other things. I'm not saying that you're husband is any of these things, but I do think you should at least be aware of it.
If you fight so much, you need to get out of the relationship. It really will be that best thing for your kids.
My parents fought constantly when I was a kid. And when we left my dad when I was 11 I looked at my mom and asked her why she took so long to leave him.
It's not fair to your kids. Also, if you get divorced you can get child support. It may not be much if he doesn't make much, but it's something.
Unfortunately it sounds like you're beyond the point where counseling is going to help.

Sarah - posted on 06/09/2013

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If you live in the US I would encourage you to go to AL-ANON. Even though you don't think you are part of the problem you are......Abuse and drinking is not only the person doing the action (abusing/drinking) it is also the person enabling them to do so. You may think you are not enabling but you are. I know you want to change him but you can't the only person you can change is you. You have to look at what you are doing to contribute to the situation. I know you think that his drinking is not good for the kids to be around (which it is not), but you are just as dangerous to your children. I know you feel you are trying to protect them, but by you enabling him you are actually making it worse for your children.

Beverly - posted on 06/09/2013

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No i had to put a stop to him driving the kids, and they are much older now, but he did do it again with my daughter who is 21, and i was upset with even her for letting him drive her home, but i didnt yell at her, just told her to get someone else, that it is not safe. I just feel im the wrong one because i did call the cops , and now he says he cant trust me because i did, and because i get mad, but so does everyone. He thinks i could make him loose his job because of domestic violence, i have never ever put any of that on him, never even pressed charges, it was just to calm it down, but honestly to me, He has drove home drunk many times over, could have gotten a DUI, caused an accident, killed someone else, any of those things could have made him loose his job, But he doesnt see that, instead its me who could make him, That really aggrevates me because those are major things, Is this just an excuse for him? thats how i feel. He says he has tried for 15 yrs to make me happy, He hasnt gone once for any type of counseling or marriage wk. Nothing.

Beverly - posted on 06/09/2013

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he doesnt abuse me physically or mentally , he has latelty , but i dont like the drinking all the time or him gone with friends all the time . i left because of the constant meaness , to give it space and that is now what i going to do , but i just dont think i was wrong on calling police , Do u think i was wrong ? that would help for an honest oppionion . He thinks now he cant trust me and he doesnt want to loose is job for a charge of domestic violence . i never said anything to a cop about that or pressed any charges i just wanted it to atop . He could loose his job by himself with his drinking and driving , and he drovey kids home drunk several times that way . he could have killed them , or he coukd kill someone else . those alone coukd make him loose his job . but he doesnt see that bs . its all my fault for being angry alot or because i wasnt happy with the house .
i jusr dont know how to feel, iso lost , it hard for me because i have to live with my son , looking for wk , school and no money . he isnt helping either . and he screams at me , cuses me out now , sats he isnt happy , wants his life back and a divorce and wont consider help . i know i cant change him only me . i just dont want a divorce and know there r programs to work in ur marriagw .

Michelle - posted on 06/08/2013

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You can't make someone do anything they don't want to do and the more you push him the further away he will go.

Give him space if you really want him back but do you really want to live with an abusive alcoholic? I personally wouldn't, that's why I left my ex husband. He was never physically abusive but the mental and emotional abuse was huge and it was always when he was drinking.

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