My husbands Ex wife won't leave us alone and his mother refuses to cut ties with the ex wife

Liz - posted on 09/05/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok I don't know if I'm in the right place or not, but I am seeing a lot of the same issues with ex wives as I'm dealing with. My reply is going to be sort of long and sorry about that but I need some advice and don't know who else or where else to go. My mother-in-law has open communication with my husbands ex wife on a regular basis. My husband and I are expecting our first child this December 2014. The ex wife and my husband never had any children together. My M-in-law will complain to me about the ex wife but still remain friends with her as if my husband and her are still married. It's not only that, my m-in-law is a mouth piece to the ex and tells her everything about my marriage, good or bad, then the ex posts it all over FB as if she has some right to do that. I don't intentionally tell the his mother my personal life, but I think it just flows out since I don't have my own mother to talk to. My husband and I have both expressed how we feel to his mother and she always let's us know she's cutting ties with the ex only to find out later they are still talking and my life again get's posted all over the ex's FB. I told the his mother I was cutting ties with her for many reasons and that she will not be allowed to meet her grand baby.The reason's I was cutting her off was I told her not to tell people I was pregnant till I could get the whole family together and let them all know at the same time only to find out she did any ways. I let her be the first person know since she could not be there for our wedding. Broke my trust with that. Then with all the talk about my life with my husband. The most recent talk on FB was about my previous child who's no longer her. My child was talked about in bad ways and about how I was a bad mother, lie after lie and that was a sore spot for me since my child isn't here. Of all people to be posting about my child on Fb was his ex wife. I don't talk about my daughter much because the pain is still to much for me. The only people in my husbands family I have talked to that was about my daughter was my husband and his mother. So when asked about it she said she never talked to the ex wife about it, that it must have been her bf since she "cut off ties" Well we ended up blocking his mother from our phones and our FB's, so I used of of my gaming FB accounts to add his mother as friends since she was threatening suicide, I still wanted to check up on her and see if she was going to be ok because I still do love his mother. Well the mother though that I was the ex wife using that account so we could talk without ME knowing. I felt very uncomfortable even saying yes because that's just not me and that was not my intention. Well mother in law spilled the beans saying "why did you post our conversation on FB, she found out and I was going to kill myself over it" "I asked you not to post it on FB" So needless to say, my mother in law doesn't have any intention of cutting out the ex wife at all and I have to be cautious of anything I say to her. Unfortunately I thought we fixed things and we just made a family phone plan with my mother in law and I don't want to screw anyone out of the bill. So I'm stuck. What I don't get is why my mother in law loves the ex wife so much when she knew about her cheating when my husband let for the military. The ex wife told her 2 weeks after he left and my husband was unaware of this going on till he found out from mutual friends shortly before the divorce. His mother had told me so many horror stories about the ex wife like "she told me she wanted to marry him before he went to the military because if he died she'd get the life insurance money" or "I don't care which brother I have a baby from but I want a [husbands last name] baby" Why does she remain friends with someone like this and put me down? I have never been treated like this. I just want the ex wife to leave my husband and me alone, stay out of out personal buisness, respect that he and I are married and for my mother in law to respect our wishes.

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Paige - posted on 09/05/2014

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First of all, his mother sounds like a teenager. Loves drama, has nothing better to do than to waste her days stirring the pot. What better way to do that, than do it by acting like bf's with the ex. You need to quit talking to her….PERIOD. Let your husband deal with things, but make sure he respects your privacy as a couple. He can talk to her about anything else but you two. GET OFF FACEBOOK. As women we tend to internalize things we read, or see. If you're seeing things on there that upset you, or plant seeds that cause you to think negative thoughts, then you need to stay off of there. Trust me, it was the best thing I did. (difficult yes) If you don't see it, then you don't ponder it. You and your husband need a clean break from nonsense. Otherwise, you're going to end up fighting with each other. Move on from the drama, and nuture your marriage. People like your MIL, and the ex, are toxic. If they know they're getting to you, why would they stop? They love it. Make them wonder what's going on in your life by staying private. Trust me, it's the best thing.

Judi - posted on 09/05/2014

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I had a similar problem. What worked for me was to cut ties with hubby's side of the family. His family still lived and breathed the ex and the child they had together; however, I didn't have to! The pressure from hubby's family got to him because he then had to deal with all of it on his own...no support from me! I enjoyed my marriage and raising our children and he got tired of all the hassles with his family. Wound up they didn't bother us and we didn't bother them. Good luck....it's all about them; not you. It's your husband's past and family...thus, it's his problems.

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Liz - posted on 09/05/2014

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I've tried ignoring all of this so many times and as soon as the storm seems to pass it's right back again. The big issue is I'm the center of conversation in all of this, not my husband. It seems as if I'm being blamed for his divorce that happened years before I entered the picture. The hard part is that's it causing unwanted stress and I'm a high risk pregnancy and both my mother in law and the ex wife don't seem to be bothered by this as if they want me to loose the baby. It's all about how I'm the bad guy by simply being married to my husband. My husband had already tried to deal with it with his mother and there's just no budging. That's the only person from his side of the family that still want that contact with the ex. There also were no children in that marriage which is another reason it confuses me.

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