My issues are their pain

Merle Van - posted on 04/05/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am writing because I am learning and am so sorry for having to learn that...when we have emotional problems in our lives, our children suffer. It is difficult to accept this and evn more difficult to change it.

I am remarried and my husband is unresponsive and impatient with children and animals. I am also financially dependent on him. In my attempt to make him more accepting, responsive and show more acknowledgement, I have forced my children to be quiet, obedient, almost "perfect". I have watched how my 11 year old daughter has slowly changed from a loving and responsive little girl to a naughty and forgetful child. My 4 year old is emotionally challenged and responds in a moody way to almost all instructions because of my controlling nature. If I get a little extra money, I spend it on the children because they need something. The other day my daughter left her new shoes at the store. I could barely afford to get her the much needed shoes and I shouted at her. I accused her of being ungrateful, forgetful and much more.

I decided to lock myself in my behind my computer to catch my "rolling anger".

Through reading about situations, I realised that our shortfalls (within us) - like not having a job, not being emotionally grounded etc...are like explosives laying around our children.

I would love your opinions on this....to be an effective parent, you need to be well, mentally well within yourself.

Help!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2014

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"
I am remarried and my husband is unresponsive and impatient with children and animals. "

This statement really bothers me. You did not know about his personality before you plunged into marriage? Or did you ignore it because you saw a way out of financial issues?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2014

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I lived through this same scenario growing up. Quite frankly, it sucked. My mom was also financially dependent on my step father after they got married. It never felt like "our" home again, even though he moved into the house we owned. We always had to be on our best behavior (yeah right) and pretend we were something we were not. He ended up being a fixture in our home that we tried not to bother.

My advice? Treat your kids how you want to treat them. Which means treat them better. Put their needs first. Your husband is a grown man and does not need to be coddled. Your kids on the other hand are young, and are impressionable. Your daughter is learning from you how to be a women, and how to be treated by a man. Stop treating your kids like they are expendable. Once again your kids come first. If this man does not feel the same way, then figure out a way to become a financially stable single parent. NO MAN is worth making your children feel worthless and in the way.

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