My kids dad and stepmom don

Emilie - posted on 05/31/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )




My ex husband and his new wife only have the kids everyother weekend and they have plenty of time with just the two of them. They have been on plenty of vacations to the beach and camp ground and Florida with just the two of them and their new baby. They don't ever take my kids (they are the parents also). The kids feel really bad about it because we don't get to ever go on vacation, I just don't have the money. My ex and his wife are going to New York in a few weeks and once again they don't want to take the kids. My son wants to go very badly and I am afraid that they will think that there father dosen't love them if he keeps leaving them behind. Should I ask him about it or demand that he takes the kids? Actually when he is going to NY is his weekend to have the kids, and he wants me to figure out another time he can have them so he dosen't have to take them with him. I actually do think its his wifes decision. Her mother lives in NY and they are taking the baby to see her mother. Him and her went to FL to see her father that is why they went to FL. I wonder if her parents don't know she has step kids. Maybe she dosn't want them to know for some reason. She lived with my ex for 4 years now, they have been married for 2 years and there "new baby" is almost 2. This kind of stuff has been going on ever since he arrived. She married him knowing that he had 2 kids already. I think when you marry somebody that already has kids you marry the kids also. So she needs to treat them like her own, but she dosen't and now he don't either.


√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 05/31/2011




My thoughts are, hey, if he doesn't want to be involved in his kids life when he can... bump up child support or start collecting it because obveiously he has extra money and tell the judge you don't think it's fair that you have to go to court in order to either ask him to spend vacations with his kids too, or pay up so his kids can enjoy outings too with the parent who does care.

Unfortuneatly there is absolutely nothing you can do. He's probably trying to live a new life with the new wife and their kid so yours just aren't that big of a deal to him and/or her.

I think you could try talking to them about it, and asking why they do not want to take your kids. See what they say, at least you're communicating about it.

But in the end, I think our actions speak louder than words so if this is what they are doing.. I'd guess they are just going to keep doing this, and being this way.

So you might just have to come to terms with being the barrier between a selfish father and your kids... there's not much you can do besides answer your kids questions in a way that makes them confront their father like 'Why don't you ask daddy why you cannot go on vacation, because I would love to go on vacations with you.'

Don't degrade him, let your kids figure out he's a turd all on their own and you'll look like the better person in the end too


View replies by

[deleted account]

I wish I could be more sympathetic cuz I know you are frustrated and your kids are hurting, but it's really hard for me to relate. My kids haven't seen their father in 6 months.... Life sucks sometimes.

[deleted account]

"They only get the kids usually 4 days a month, and they never call, never go to PTA meetings ot Parent teacher confrences or nothing. "

4 days a month is very limited, but it does equal once a week. PTA meetings? Not a requirement. I highly doubt I will ever go to a PTA meeting since all the parents do is tend to bitch about the teachers. P/T conferences- again, not a requirement. Sure it would absolutely show great interest in the child, but it's not a requirement.

"My kids need there father."

Absolutely YES! They do need their father! And as their mother, you need to communicate with their dad to find out what teh hell is his problem? Or, begin family counsling sessions to help your children deal with their crappy dad and family dynamics of step-mother/step-siblings.

Emilie - posted on 05/31/2011




@ Ashley D, No they are not going to NY for a sick relative or anything they are just going to visit because the stepmoms mother hasn't seen her grandson for over a year (but she has never even met her step-grandkids). They are just going to visti the grandmother and do NY tourist stuff. My son is starting to get really upset because they have been to the Beach, Mountains, and to a camp ground and they never take my kids (they take there son, and even neices and nephews). I can understand about the FL trip because there stepmoms father was dying, and they were down there for like 3 weeks, but all the other stuff is just un-called for. They only get the kids usually 4 days a month, and they never call, never go to PTA meetings ot Parent teacher confrences or nothing. My kids need there father. Sometimes they say they hate him and other bad things about him. I just don't know what to do.

Ashley - posted on 05/31/2011




Im sory to here this im having the exact opposite problem im a step mom and trying to take my step daughter on vacation with her daddy and the bio mom wont allow it. We only get 8 days right now and its not enough time asked for one more week and got denied and its a vacion her daughter will have a blast my son is going and i feel like its so unfair for her not to come my son is the same age as her. I feel like she dosent care about it benefiting her daughter but anyway glad to here that your willing to allow them to go even though they seem to be unwilling??? so strange to me anyway i think a sit down talk with them about how this is effecting the kids and why there so unwilling to take them anywhere and possibly coming up with a trip they can do with all the kids if there is a ligit resone why they arnt bringing all the kids possible relative sick or something where she has to take her daughter but your kids would hate it so they decided not to. Regardless they should be talking to you and the kids its not fair to hurt them.

[deleted account]

You really cannot demand a relationship if the guy doesn't want to act like a real father. Of course you want to protect your hurt child's feelings, but you cannot insist they whisk him away on every vacation. Revisit your court order to make sure he pays his child support. Then, seek positive male role models for your children so they don't feel like they are missing out on a father-figure. Best of luck to you.

Jessi - posted on 05/31/2011




how was he with towards the kids when you were married? could it be her pushing her opinions onto him? If it is their weekend they need to take the kids or they need to plan their vacations when they don't have them.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms