my kids dad is such a jerk

Melissa - posted on 05/29/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I try so hard to help my ex see the kids, he lives 4 hours away with his girlfriend and there child and it's heartbreaking to see my kids go through this. I set up time for him to see his kids and he dosent reply to my messages :( what more can I do ??

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Dove - posted on 05/29/2015

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If you get to decide if he takes them or not... get it in writing that he must give you 48 hours notice if he is going to take them... and then leave it at that. If he notifies you then you can get the kids prepared... and if he doesn't notify you.. you just ignore his existence. I know it's aggravating, but you can't change him. All you can control is your reaction to him. Your kids can adjust to this, but it's up to you to HELP them adjust and the more time you spend aggravated at their father the harder it will be on all of you. Been there, done that... years ago.

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Melissa - posted on 05/29/2015

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Yes I took him to court and the judge gave us both joint custody but I get to say if he can take them or not. He never has a set schedule with his work he says and lives to far away to even have one. It just aggravates me so bad that he thinks he can run everyone's lives :( and dosent seem to see he is hurting our kids.

Dove - posted on 05/29/2015

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Get a court order stipulating custody, visitation, and child support (unless you already have this) and then it is on him whether or not he sees the kids. Most orders can have a time that the non custodial parent has to let you know if they are taking the visitation, so if they don't give you notice they can't just show up unannounced.... very helpful for a flaky ex.

Once you have the court order in place.... just focus on yourself and your kids and don't worry about what your ex does or does not do. You and your kids are not alone in dealing w/ this situation... it just takes time to adjust, but if you keep calm to your kids and support them (and get counseling if they are really having trouble)... they'll be fine.

Raye - posted on 05/29/2015

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Do you have custody and visitation awarded by the court? If not, then you should probably do so. If you do (or you have a personal arrangement), and he knows what days are his visitation days, then it's on him to show up or not. If you try to have the child available to him, and he doesn't show up, then that's all you can do. Don't fight with him about it, just enjoy the time you have with your child. Keep the messages as proof that you tried to arrange visitation in case you need it for the courts in the future.

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