My kids father avoids us because of his new gf i need advice!

Kristine - posted on 11/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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This is a crazy situation i am in at the moment. I used to have a " best friend" well lets just say she is now with my children's father in a relationship. It all started off by us having a couple drinks my kids dad and i, ( who i was with at the time) were bickering and arguing so i just went upstairs and passed out. I woke up and they both were gone. I went and confronted my friend and asked what happened she told me the truth they hooked up while i was asleep. Long story short i lost all contact with her and left him. They started seeing each other and now seems to be pretty serious. They both have drinking problems so whenever they drink he is no where to be found... or even him just being around her we do not exist to him. I am sick of being ignored when i am contacting him to inquire about the kids. He waits until hes not around her to respond and also he has made me miss so much work to the point if i miss anymore days i will be fired. He chooses her over his family all the time and it aggravates me. All i ask for him is to be there for his children i don't ask him to be there for me and come see me or anything crazy like that. When i message him or call him its only about the children when i need his help or what not... and he ALWAYS ignores me and does not take my feelings into consideration when he does this. I've tried talking to him about this and it just turns into one big argument. IDK what i should do anymore just leave him be, or pursue him and push him to be there without me having to harass him. He just recently told me he wants no contact with me.. and not to text him.. i told him i will only text him when in regards to the kids and if he does not answer to just even forget about coming around anymore he's been doing this to my babies for too long i will not put up with it anymore. So far he's been sober and showing up so i haven't had to miss any work... idk i still love him and am trying to move on but it is just so hard watching someone you love with someone who used to be your best friend. Any advice would be helpful at this point i just needed to vent and let this out because honestly i don't know what to think anymore or what would be my best decisions in regards to this issue. I know i cant change the fact that he is no longer with me and chooses to come and go whenever he pleases but i could defiantly use a different outlook on this particular situation. Thanks so much for your time ladies and reading my post!

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Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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Let him go and stop contacting him. Get court ordered custody, visitation, and child support established and if he chooses to bail on his set up visitations... that is on him. Move on in your life as if he doesn't exist and if he contacts the kids or contacts you about taking the kids on his scheduled visitations... get things set up for your kids, but that's it. If he wants to know anything about his kids he will contact YOU... or the kids. Other than that... it's his loss.



Nothing will get better for you as long as you keep trying to make him be someone he doesn't want to be and if he doesn't want to be involved on the same level that you think he should be.... it will only continue to hurt you (and in turn hurt the kids more).

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Kristine - posted on 11/13/2012

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Yes you two are so absolutely right thanks for the advice.... So far no contact between us has been good i actually leave my kids with my sister before i go to work and trust in him to pick them up right after i leave to work... this way i don't see him at all.. helps me with moving on as well less tension and frustration in my life because we do not get a long what so ever! I Completely stopped texting him all together except for letting him know when the kids wake up from their nap to come get them I only hope for the best and need to start focusing on my life and goals instead of worrying about what he is doing and why he is so distant. Thanks a lot for taking the time out of your day to respond to this. And I have been informed plenty of times to take court action IDK the reason as to why i am scared to do so... i really wish i knew.

Holly - posted on 11/13/2012

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you need to quit placing blame on anyone other than himself. he could just as easily NOT avoid you.... but the REAL question is, WHY are you trying to get him to NOT avoid you. if a man is not man enough to want to see his children, why try to force him to... as Dove stated, take him to court, get child support and a visitation order in place... make sure to get child support to go through the attorney general, so that you don't have to rely on him to mail you the check. and then if he shows up to pick the kids up for visitation then good, if not it is his fault.

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