My Kids Father is filing for partial custody.

Lane - posted on 10/29/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have two children, 7 and 5 and finalized my divorce in January 2013 where I was granted Full Custody while their Father has visitation. Since he didn't show up to court, the judge didn't specify Visitation and said we had to come to a mutual agreement. So I created a 12 month calender with the date, time and place we meet and highlighted the days each of us had the kids (Not gonna lie, it took some work, including days off from
School, etc.) the calender worked for a while. Before I go on, I have to include that the kids Dad was in a relationship with a woman who constantly had domestic violence issues with each other. At one point, she was so drunk she beat him up and broke his nose, in front of our 8 year old neice. After that he told me he was done with her and even after that he told me stories about how she would show up to his work and try to drive him off the road. Well, lo and behold about a little while after they broke up, she found out she was pregnant with his child. So from that point on, I told him, I don't care what he does with his life as long as he doesn't bring my kids around his crazy, psychotic pregnant ex girlfriend. He agreed.

About two months ago (they're still broken up and he continues to tell me these stories about how crazy she is and how he needs to get custody of his baby) On the Sunday when it was time to get my kids back, I'm talking to my daughter and she says "We're at *******'s house" (his crazy ex) and I completely lose it.

After we agreed to keep their psychotic relationship away from our kids, he decided to actually have them stay the night at her house! His response was "we had no where else to stay".

So this is where it gets super difficult. That was the last weekend they saw him. I'm not going to allow them to be in an environment like that. Possible domestic issues. I told him he needed to get his life together and figure it all out before he sees the kids again.

Just a few weeks ago we were trying to come to an agreement over the phone where he then confessed that he tried to commit suicide. At that point, I told him he needed to get some psychological help, but he refuses. Now he says he has changed and is completely capable of taking care of our kids. He's filed for a change in custody but we're just waiting on a date. In the mean time, I scheduled a Mediation appointment (I don't know, to try to figure things out) I'm completely at witts end in this situation. I know my kids need two healthy parents in their lives but as of now, I know I'm the only one that can 100% take care of them. We have our mediation meeting on Friday, I don't know what to expect or how to even prove I am the one that's capable to take care and make life descisions for my babies.

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Ev - posted on 10/29/2013

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All I can say is that you need to be sure to have documentation of this stuff going on to prove this woman is a danger to your children. You also need to prove him not fit to have the kids over night as well. This he said and she said stuff is not going to fly with the judge. If he has no where to live there is no way a judge would give joint custody. So you need to get your ducks in a row when you see the judge and the mediator.

Enna - posted on 10/30/2013

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You probably are worrying too much, but at the same time, I've seen the court do some crazy things. As long as you aren't doing anything wrong I don't see how this could reflect badly on you.

Enna - posted on 10/30/2013

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I think it sounds more reasonable for him to have supervised visitation or just visitation, but not overnight stays.

Jodi - posted on 10/29/2013

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Unfortunately, you don't get to dictate whether or not he may see his kids. That's why we have the family court. If you are not happy with the children being around him, you need evidence. Concrete evidence. You then need to go back to court and ask them to consider supervised visitation (not no visitation, there is absolutely no reason he can't still see his kids in a supervised environment). If you don't have proof or evidence, then you need to get it. I'm suspecting, because you used the term "possible domestic issues" that you don't have it. So no, you can't stop your ex seeing his kids and unless it is specified in the court orders, you can't stop him having them around certain people.

Dove - posted on 10/29/2013

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You need solid evidence (police reports of the domestic violence would probably help) of all your claims... and/or be able to work out an agreement w/ him in mediation. Otherwise he is likely to win visitations in court and possibly partial custody.

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Lane - posted on 10/30/2013

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I may be just worrying too much about the possibilities too. Right? Even with evidence do any of you happen to know if the judge will look negatively toward me for that?

I just want them safe. I know they're safe with me an I can't control what happens or who they're surrounded by when they go to their Dads house, is it possible that the judge or mediator will advise him I all that? Or am I being too over the top?

Lane - posted on 10/30/2013

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Thank you ladies that helps a lot! I do have evidence and pictures, vm's, all that stuff. I'm meeting with a lawyer today. Hope all of this works out!

Lane - posted on 10/30/2013

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Thank you Jodi! That makes sense. I do have text evidence with pictures and a few other things. I only used the term "possible domestic violence" to refer to the possibility of more domestic issues.

I know they want him in their lives, I just want him to figure it out for them before he
lets them down yet again and before something bad actually
Happens to them,

I know it is in their best interest to have both of us in their lives.

Amanda - posted on 10/29/2013

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I'm not too sure how the law works where you are, but where I am, the evidence has to be pretty concrete against your husband as to why a custody change should not be granted.

Do you have legal representation? If you do, you should probably have a pow wow with them about these areas of concern and maybe they can steer you into what steps you need to take to ensure your kids are in a healthy living environment.

Hope this helps a little. Best of luck!

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