My man, father of my one year old cheated on me!

Annie - posted on 06/27/2011 ( 32 moms have responded )

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they have not had sex according to the other women? But they did kiss and have been on several dates should I take him back??? we have been having problems and one of the main problems is my nagging ( I must admit I do have anger problems), even before I found out he cheated I told him maybe we should take a break, because we lost the chemistry between us, he really isn't a bad guy, he comes home after work everyday, on occasions is that he hangs out with his friends. He is now begging and pleading for me to take him back, should I? I do love him but want him to suffer and realize the mistake he's done, what should I do? thanks!

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Constance - posted on 06/27/2011

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NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!! He already told you what he wanted before the girl popped out of the woodwork. He started seeing somebody else he is not interested anymore. He didn't just see her once he saw he several times behind your back. Guys don't cheat if they love someone. Move on he WILL do it again.

Tah - posted on 07/07/2011

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I mean spending money on her and kissing and dating her..if my husband EVER cheated, I'd chop his throat until his gagged and if I found out he bought her 2 for a dollar snickers, I'd dance on the hood of his car...since he likes spending money...but I digress...to me, the dating is personal, he had a whole other relationship with her..that's where your chemistry went...





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Constance - posted on 06/30/2011

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@Sharon I do agree with you I have been with my husband 17yrs in August. I am not quick to end my marriage but if this had happened in the first year yeah I would have left. I could deal with a sexual affair but an emotional affair is not something I could ever handle. The saying is true.
When it comes to sex. Men have to be in the room. Women have to be in the mood. Sex isn't the intense feeling for men so they can be stupid. But when a mand is sitting down for hours on end with a woman openly talking to her and their is sexual attraction there is more than just a fling.

Kimberlee - posted on 06/28/2011

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I have been going through the similar situation for years with the father of my children. The one thing that I must say is LEAVE! Take it from me I stayed and had 2 more kids after the first cheating incident. Not only did he cheat again but his response was "I'm a man,It's just what we do" can you believe that. So don't be like me and continue to take that abuse. because believe it or not it is abuse. Emotional abuse is very hard to come back from, its a long process and i'm geetting stronger everyday. So if my situation can help you any PLEASE learn from it. They have a saying "Once a cheater always a cheater" and nine times out of ten its true. Keep your head held high and leave him alone if not for you then your one year old.Children feed off of their parents emotions and if you are unhappy eventually your son will be too.

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Stifler's - posted on 07/07/2011

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Going on several dates is not making a mistake! It's being a philanderer. You can't have your bread buttered on both sides as Melanie said.

Tah - posted on 07/07/2011

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He's not a bad guy, he just cheated on you, going on several dates, connecting with, kissing on and spending money on another female...yeah..take him back and have fun with that...OR..you can move on, work on your issues so that when you find someone who really loves AND respects you, you can be ready to receive and return it...


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Lissa - posted on 07/07/2011

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Girl!!! put on your BIG GIRL underwear on and move on.

first of all you need to get rid of that suicidal thought out of your head. it is not that serious. your life is more important then some ex. you need to be here to raise your son. Second, you are not happy and you need to get your HAPPY BACK. that mean tell the ex to get out. Third. being a single parent is not the worst thing in the world. That was DISRESPECTFUL

[deleted account]

Ya know, I have to say I find it sad, and somewhat disturbing to read that many of you have disposable marriages and are so quick to ditch your partner. Now I totally understand the difference between a 1-time fling versus an on-going multiple instances of infidelity. No one (man or woman) should have to put up with the emotional abuse of perpetual infidelity. But for a 1-time affair? Isn;t your marriage worth fighting for to repair the damage? Or is your relationship considered disposable, easy-come-easy-go? Again, please don't think for a second that I think cheating is A-OK; it's not. And don't think that I don't recognize the difference between on-going versus a 1 time deal. But I do find it pretty sad that so many of you would just simply pick up and leave. Maybe for me, I believe in long-term and have been with my husband for 18 years, married for 12 of those years. WE can get through hard times together because my marriage is always going to be worth fighting for.

Constance - posted on 06/30/2011

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He has gone on several dates with her it is still cheating. Exspecially if a man is having an emotional affair. Guys don't get emotions involved if they don't care. If he hasn't slept with her he will.

Melanie - posted on 06/29/2011

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I would pack up and leave. All he wants then is to have his bread buttered on both sides and i dont think you want to settle for second best.
It wont end here it will carry on until you put a stop to it.

Kendra - posted on 06/29/2011

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I left my ex because to me I see it as once a cheater always a cheater. I think that's the one thing I never forgive for because every time he hurts you he is hurting that baby due to the fact the baby feels what your feeling.

Melanie - posted on 06/29/2011

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It's easy just to say leave him but people do make mistakes, and if its the first time this happened i think you can give your child the opportunity to have a family. You said you love him and it is clear that he loves you. Nobody is perfect and having a baby puts allot of strain on a relationship. Especially a guy's side. We just cope and make changes. I call all mothers super woman/mom. I would look at all the pro's and con's of the relationship and give it one more chance. At least if you look back in a few years what ever the outcome you know you did try and gave it your best. Good luck hope all works out the way you want it to.

Stifler's - posted on 06/28/2011

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They have been on several dates, that isn't just cheating that's having an emotional affair. It means he has feelings for someone else. This is not your fault for nagging BTW, that is no excuse for him to cheat.

Rosalinda - posted on 06/28/2011

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We have almost the same problem so as to speak. My husband talked me into letting his ex-girlfriend for 8 years to live with us in our home. He said he love me, she said trust me..Im doing nightshift at work and everytime I think about them while I am working, it kills me several times..I experienced and realized how a man gives so much pain to a woman. I hated myself feeling this way and very suicidal at the moment.. Hope this will ease your pain and confusion..and I don't want my friends will know about it, maybe womans vanity..still living in hope..don't want to raise my child alone, what can I do, so scary..

Kristin - posted on 06/28/2011

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I do not know you, but I have been in your circumstance. The one thing that I can say without any question is that when your find happiness with yourself and happiness being alone...that is when you realize how important true love and mutual respect is. I believe it is most important to never hold a grudge or make others suffer no matter what they have done to you. Obviously, while you are "making him suffer" you are the one suffering! He is out having a good time talking to other women. I had a very hard time with forgiveness for many, many years. I have found that forgiving someone, praying for them and for blessings to them makes things better for ME! I am happiest when someone does something awful, I go out and find someone else to do something nice for. Try it and see how little by little you will find you don't need the drama or heartache associated with infidelity. Be well, be blessed and I pray God helps you heal and move on.

Amber - posted on 06/28/2011

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If he seemed like he were willing to change, my opinion might be different. But quite frankly, he is showing you that he will not give her up. If he is still calling her and telling her to hide things from you, he's not changing. That is not love, respect, or good communication.

Is his ongoing relationship with another woman something that you want to live with? Is that the example that you want to set for your children about how relationships work?

I personally would never be with a man who had so little respect for me that he would cheat. I believe a real man would tell you he was having second thoughts and take a break.
Only you know what you can live with though.

Val - posted on 06/28/2011

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u nag the man until push him 2 someone else an now he wana com bk u wanna punish him some more u is d one tht ask him 2 leave woman grow up

BJR - posted on 06/28/2011

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From experience, there is a thing called an "emotional affair". Yours & his problems are just that....your & his. He should be talking with you. Why would he want to come home and try to have a connecting talk with you when he can do that with her? Why come home and try to do anything fun with you when he can do that with her? He is getting that need from someone else and she is getting it from him as well. So why would he come home for that? (that's putting any nagging issues aside). Also, he's not the one that is tied down committed to raising a baby....think about that one for a while.
The kissing part is a whole different level of an affair.
Emotional contact & physical contact are two things that go hand in hand being called a "relationship" and that is exactly what he has with her. It's not going to change unless he wants it to.
Save yourself a lot of heartache and get out of your comfort zone, stand on your own, and do the best you can.
Good luck.

[deleted account]

Only you know what is best for your relationship. If it were me, I wouldn;t be so quick to dump 18 years of my life. If it were me, I'd fight hard to get to the root of the problem and attempt to rekindle what we once had. I'd insist on marriage counseling and individual counseling. I'd fight for my marriage. My advice might be considered in the minority, but I believe in my marriage and take my relationship seriously. Many couples CAN and DO get past infidelity. Many partners can own up to their mistakes and fix them. Yes, there are many instances of "Once a cheater, always a cheater". However, there are many positive factors that can come of it like a stornger, more enhanced relationship. So you really need to look at all aspects of your relationship and see if this is a man you wish to grow old with and fight through all the good & bad times together, or move forward with your life without him.

Patsy - posted on 06/28/2011

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Making him 'suffer' is never the good thing. Either cut him off completely or forgive him. But you should realize that once a cheater, always a cheater! You will always hang it over his head, for every thing that he does. And it is still cheating even if it is just kissing. His affection should be for you, not for someone else. And while you have a child together, why raise it in what is sure to be a miserable household? Some people are better off apart.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/27/2011

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I would say go with your gut..not what ladies from the internet that don't know you say! I mean, you know you and him. We don't. You need to ask yourself if YOU really want to be with him. Sounds to me that you like the stability with him. But do you want to be with him?

2 things my husband could do to make me leave him, 1. cheat 2. physical abuse. Nuff said.

Laura - posted on 06/27/2011

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I personally wouldn't be able to take him back. The trust between you guys will have been severely damaged, and for me, I would never really be able to get over that betrayal.

Annie - posted on 06/27/2011

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Thank you all, although I know none of you, you all mean something to me for all your words of empowerment! thank you all!!!! peace and blessing to you and your family

[deleted account]

After reading your comment I agree, cut him lose. He shouldnt be begging you to take him back and still be hanging out with this girl. I retract my previous comment :)

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2011

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If he is still ringing her its obviously far from over with her.
If he has nothing to hide why is he telling her not to talk to you? there is a saying "those with nothing to hide, hide nothing" it sounds to me he is stringing you along incase he cant make something of what hes got going on with the other lady? move on, when you know better you do better, have enough respect for yourself to do better for yourself, people can only treat you how you let them treat you.

Constance - posted on 06/27/2011

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Annie, He is sending you clear signs that he wannts out. He may not directly say it right now but his actions are telling you exactly what he wants. If he is trying to keep you away from his "friend that is a girl" then she isn't just a friend. Get rid of him and move on. He doesn't want you to leave because if it doesn't work with herr then he still has you at his beck ad call. Do not put yourself through the pain. Get rid of him.

Annie - posted on 06/27/2011

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Thanks guys, to top it off, I just found out he is still reaching out to her and he said she is only a friend that listens to his problems, and worst then that, he call her and told her not to answer my calls and she turn off her phone, I asked him why he did that and he said that I shouldn't be calling her she has nothing to do with it! please advice, because I feel like packing and leaving for awhile, that's how mad I am! thanks

[deleted account]

The kiss is what would bother me most, thats so much more intimate that intercorse in my opinion anyway. As for taking him back, you weigh ALL the options all the pros and cons and honestly if you admit that you "nag" and have some anger issues, you shouldnt take it out on him you know. Once a cheater always a cheater is NOT true! If he is asking yo uto take him back and you say you love him then maybe you should have a good long talk. That is if you want to make it work though, if its a lost cause make sure you tell him also.

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2011

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relationships are hard at times, and if he couldnt stick through the hard times with you and instead went and looked elsewear, he's seriously not worth the pain and heart ache! he wouldnt be so easily led astray if he truly loved you.

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