My Mom doesn't support home birth, which is fine, but she will blame me forever if something goes wrong.

Erin - posted on 01/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My mom had both my sister and I by c-section due to health problems during her pregnancies.



When I've spoken with her about my plans for a home birth (or even natural birth in a hospital, when I was still considering that), she'll imply that I care more about the experience of birth than having a healthy baby.



She brings up relatives and friends who have had natural births and who (in her opinion) caused brain damage to their babies by being in labour too long or whatever. She works with a lot of disabled kids and whenever she can, she will tell me about how their problems are probably due to being oxygen-deprived or injured during birth.



I have had a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I'm young and fit and on top of it all I have an hourglass-shape body with wide hips, so I know that's not super important and it's bound to be hard work, but I think I've got every chance of having a good labour and healthy baby.



I've reassured her that if there are ay problems, I will go to the hospital, but I've just been so worried:



If something does go wrong, with the birth, or otherwise, she is going to blame me forever, for me "selfishness". If the baby grows up to have a learning disability or something (for whatever reason), my Mom is going to say that it's all my fault for having a natural birth, that I damaged the baby's brain.



I'm getting so nervous, not about the birth itself, but just that if the baby isn't "perfect" my Mom will never let me live it down.



I understand that part of this is because she had us by c-section, and I've told her that I know she made the right choice for her situation, but maybe she takes my decision to try and do things differently as some sort of personal attack.

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Kate CP - posted on 01/18/2012

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Wowsa. Your mom needs to back off. As moms we blame ourselves for ANYTHING wrong with our babies. If the baby won't latch on after birth, it's OUR fault. If we couldn't have a natural birth it's OUR fault...we have enough guilt without some one saying we SHOULD feel guilty. If it were my mom I would tell her I understand and appreciate her apprehension and fear about the impending birth her of grand baby. But what you need, to make sure the birth goes as smoothly as possible, is words of encouragement and support from your mom. A woman who is stressed out and scared before and during labor has a much harder time of it than a woman who has a good support team and is confident about the process. Your mom is making this harder for you which could really impact your birth.



There are risks to every birth. C-sections have risks, natural births have risks, epidurals have risks...what happens during labor and birth is never a guarantee. If you've having a home birth with a certified nurse midwife who is experienced and knowledgeable and you live within a 15 minute drive to the nearest hospital with emergency birthing facilities then I would say you are being very responsible about your birth.



Home birth is not for everyone. Hospital birth is not for everyone. You have to do what you know is best in your gut for you and your baby.

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Amanda - posted on 01/18/2012

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My fastest easiest birth is my child with a learning disability. He was 3 hours and deliveried in the ER because I was sure I had at least another hour before his birth. All 3 of my children were born naturally with no drugs. You birth the way you want to birth, dont let anyone guilt you into something you dont want to do.

Katie - posted on 01/18/2012

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http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009...



http://www.babiesonline.com/articles/pre...



http://www.nhs.uk/news/2009/04April/Page...



All you can do is show her proof that homebirths (in the right situation) are no more risky (and possibly even less risky) than hospital births.



If she still can't or won't see reason or understand where you're coming from, you just have to be committed and comfortable with your decision. No matter what the outcome, you baby will be yours and therefor perfect.



Like Kate said, as long as you are under the care of an experience licensed midwife and you aren't too far from a hospital, it seems like your decision is a perfectly reasonable one.



Good luck! I was lucky enough to have had both of my boys vaginally with no medication (though they were born in hospital) and their births were two of the most amazing empowering (albeit painful :P ) experiences of my life. :)

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