My niece is an unfit mother, what should i do-as far as calling OCS

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Ashley - posted on 06/24/2011

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Exactly why do you consider her unfit she may just parent differently than you dosent mean she is necessarily unfit.

Sarah - posted on 06/24/2011

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I'm sorry she lost the baby. I think if she is an unfit mother you should definitely report her. Offer your help and tell her about services that can help her to but if her children are suffering it's important they all get help :)

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Jennifer - posted on 06/28/2011

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Yes we all make mistakes because we are human and it is natural. She did lose the baby and she needs to grieve. but when I offered to bring her to counseling she refused and everytime someone in the family wants to get professional help on any level she says we are against her. You know you can only help those who wants to help themselves. I am just at a point I'm getting tired of offering and she doesn't want help unless I am shelling out money for her benefit-I appreciate the post and the suggestions but I think this was a bad idea all the way around. I am gonna talk to my priest and see if he can give me more ideas He knows the history of this person.

Janet - posted on 06/27/2011

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I think labelling a woman who has lost a baby and obviously has not come to terms with it is incredibly unhelpful...yes the drug use is a problem but she should be helped as much as possible for the children's sake the DEA obviously didn't believe it to be a problem or child welfare would already be involved unless your agencies don't work together. I am glad you feel you have done a wonderful job with your children.... I will only admit to doing the very best I can for my children but know that I am human and make mistakes.

Jenn - posted on 06/27/2011

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If she is neglecting the children then the family must step in. I think she should be warned about the consequences should she refuse to get help for herself for her children's sake. Smoking pot isn't necessarily going to make her an unfit mother as long as she is still taking care of her children...she apparently isn't. Child protective services doesnt necessarily take the children away, they will investigate the situation and make a determination to assign a case worker or not. I do think the family should intervene as much as possible before calling CPS but you have to do what is best for the children and if placing them in another family members home will push the mother to get her life back in order, then that is what must be done. Children going hungry, being neglected and exposed to drugs...even pot...is abuse.

Gabrielle - posted on 06/27/2011

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I agree. Doing drugs doesn"t automatically mean you're an unfit person (unfortunately).
With that being said, the children are definately in danger of worse abuse, neglect, etc.
It's all about the children!!!
Instead of condemning or calling authorities, what EXACTLY have you and/or the family done to help? You have 3 kids, why don't you take your kids daily over to her house to play??? Why don't you take the monthly food stamps and go buy the boys food every week? There are a miriad of solutions you can offer as assistance, as her sister, as a good example.
I'm proud of you for asking for help, but what exactly are YOU doing to help those children?
This is not about the mother. It's about the children of God. What are YOU doing for them despite her immaturity? Also, don't forget that she has lost a child and is going through greif!!! That's the hardest thing EVER! She is trying to fill the empty hole inside of herself with drugs. Show her mercy. Show her God. Show her the path of Light or how to get back on it.
My suggestion is to ask God and see what He offers as a solution. Also, continue to prayfor her AND her children. Amen.
It will get better, God always provides. Have Faith. :)

Kelly - posted on 06/25/2011

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Becareful how you report this. Stupid parenting is not unfit. Keep records of the childrens behavior ask about bruises, cuts, marks on them. Verable abuse is hard to prove. If her house was raided they should know about it already. She will have to go to court for that and may be faceing charges already. Now the children will need a good home. Offer to take her to rehab. Find a support group. Good luck.

JuLeah - posted on 06/25/2011

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Document all you do and all the family has attempted to do. Call the professionals in your area. You are limited in what you can legally do, but make them aware of your efforts and ask their advice. You will at least get a paper trail going and if the kids are ever discovered alone unfed late a night ... that won't be the 'first offence' and the state will have firmer footing .... If you know the root of her issues, maybe you can approach her from that direction ... does she need rehab, counseling .... sadly, you really do have limits legally .... the laws are just not set up to protect kids, but there are actions you can take. And, if the kids know that someone sees, someone is making effort on their part, well, that makes a world of difference. But, they have great loyalty towards mom, so it goes without saying you can never bad mouth her within their hearing .... Good luck and they are luck you care

Ashley - posted on 06/25/2011

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she may not be receiving enough food to get her through im not sure how food stamps work but i know in canada the food banks are low making people really struggle. With the rising cost of grocery's working people can berly aford to buy food let alone people on walfair or assistance. As for leting her kids play outside im not going to say there is anything wrong with that or not unsure ages and situation but i do no many many people allow children to play out side by themselves. obviously smoking pot is not a great choice but i could think of worse things. It just dosent seem bad enough to take her kids.

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I agree that she needs help... not condemnation. Has she gone to counseling since losing her baby? Losing a child can break a woman in ways you couldn't imagine unless it also happened to you.... and even still, some women handle it way differently than others.

Jennifer - posted on 06/25/2011

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I agree with alot of the post. The problem is as a family we have tried so many different things to get her to improve the way she is with the kids and life in general. She doesn't make decisions and take into consideration how they are gonna affect the kids. She is on state assistance and receives food stamps and on many occasions still doesn't have food for them. I would much rather them be able to stay with their mother but I am afraid for their safety....she lets them go outside unattended on a daily basis and doesn't see anything wrong with that. Again, I thank everyone for their post. Please pray for these boys and god bless you!

JuLeah - posted on 06/25/2011

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I agree with Sarah in that she needs support. She doesn't need to have her kids taken from her. What is best for the kids here?

Some people think they should take kids from a parent who is homeless and lacking food, but ALL studies show that a parent who offers very little is better for the child then removing them to live in any kind of wealth you could name.

So, get involved from a place of love and compassion.

Get prefessionals involved if needed, again from a place of respect, love, and compassion.

Building parents up is better for kids ....

Still don't have all the details, but ... I don't think, in America, anyway, any kid would be taken from the home based on this .....

Sarah - posted on 06/25/2011

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Hmmm i dont know that she's totally unfit! Is she just having a rough time or has this been going on for some time now?
I don't agree with drug use while your kids are around, especially if the house is getting raided
(not sure what DEA is or how they knew she had weed..? I'm australian lol)
but while i don't agree with it i dont think it necessarily makes her unfit to look after her kids.
If she is having trouble with paying the bills and affording food she should be getting food stamps and government allowance while she is unemployed.
I think the child protection would already know about her if shes been found with drugs while her kids are in her custody. If not, i'd say help her out, maybe try and help her look for a job and childcare or take her to apply for welfare. Kids shouldnt have to go hungry and i have no idea how she could make buying drugs a higher priority than food!
If all else fails after trying to help her then its time to tell the authorities but it doesnt sound like her kids are in immediate danger from what you've said so there's no rush.

Jennifer - posted on 06/25/2011

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My definition of unfit....when she had to call me to go get the boys because her electricity got cut off and precisely 10 minutes before I got there the DEA just raided her house and she was summoned for possession of marajuana and drug paraphanalia and she told me herself she had just smoked a joint right before they got there, the boys were outside at that time. But she didn't feed the children all day and didn't tell me that until late last night. (after I had fed them dinner.)

Jennifer - posted on 06/24/2011

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She has two children. 6 and 3 year old boys. She lost a boy to stillbirth 2 years ago. It was destrimental to the family. I just wish she could grow up and get a clue. God gives us children to take care of, not to make them take care of themselves. I have 3 children of my own and have done a wonderful job-why can't she get a clue.

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