my nine yr old wants more independence but how much is to much

Donna - posted on 11/21/2008 ( 7 moms have responded )

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my nine year old wants do more for herself but im worried about her growing up to fast im not sure how to let her do stuff without it being to much i also have to younger daughters and im worried they will want the same but i dont think they are ready

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Kylie - posted on 12/28/2010

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Trust your instinct (kids are growing up way too quick)...Kids are young for such a short time in their whole life, that I have kept my kids their age! I see so many kids walking around the shopping centres and they are probablt 10! My god I just dont believe my eyes sometimes. They will have plenty of opportunities as they grow up. During the last holidays my son was complaining so I got him to go to our business with Dad and work for 2 days, even though we paid him some pocket money, he certainly said I love being a kid! Yes I had the last laugh. I always remind them that being a kid is the best time of you life! Best of luck Donna and Happy New Year. She will thank you one day!

Kim - posted on 11/21/2008

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Oh can I relate, my 9 year old is very independent. He always has been an "old soul", you just have to go with your "mom radar". You know what she is capable of, and as far as the younger siblings, you will always have the " why can she ... and why can't I..." . you just have to explain that there are things that you get to do when your older. Some good like more freedom, some bad like more responsibilities around the house, or not having to be reminded of weekly chores, growing up isn't just about having more fun things, us moms know that all too well. When my son wanted to go to the movies with some buddies, I thought WHAT? your 9 not 16, but we talked and he was able to express the reasons that he thought he should be able to go, so we laid out rules, and we dropped him off, and... hung out at the pizza place in the front of the theater. He could not have been happier, it gave him a sense of being a big kid. Hope it helps.

Iris - posted on 11/21/2008

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i agree that this seems like a hard situation. i think 9 years old is still way to young to do much. but maybe a lot of supervised outings with you. maybe they can go to the mall....you can let them go their way and walk around, but you can stay with the younger ones and do some shopping or bonding with them. that way all of you get to have an outing. the older one will be able to roam the mall without "mom" hanging around. since it seems that at this age, all of a sudden moms are uncool. lol. and you get to hang with the younger ones and bond with them. its a suggestion, i dont know if it helps.

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This is a hard one! Prolly more for us. They are getting into the strive for independence stage. Take baby steps. Trust her with something small and go from there. Whether or not you move to something bigger will be based on how she handled the small thing. I suppose it is easier for me as I have 2 boys who are 10 and 9. If they do anything like go to the corner store it is always together. Safety in numbers! You also have to teach them what to do in certain situations. How to react if someone grabs you, invites you in their car, seems to be watching you etc. Knowledge is power.

Shari - posted on 11/21/2008

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I give my 10 year old daughter a choice of two things she can do outside of school. That way she isn't overloaded and neither am I.

Bridget - posted on 11/21/2008

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Boy, my 10 year old daughter wants to do and try everything! I have to set boundaries as to what she can do and I explain to her why she cant do something if I do not feel she is ready. Perhaps it is just my daughter that is for the most part understanding as long as she has an explanation, but children need boundaries. I grew up in a home with no boundaries or rules and I really wish I had had more. I had a ton of peer pressure and honestly, I am lucky I was not killed along the way. Dont get me wrong, I had a great mother, but I do wish I had been held back a bit more. Mothers are to guide their children and help them to make better choices. At 9 years old you are not old enough to know what is best for you. That being said, I will take my daughter to safe places where she can visit alone with her friends, but I know she will be safe. I dont know if this helps at all. Good luck.

Lisa - posted on 11/21/2008

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i have a 10 year old who is very independence i belive that a child know what they can do, let her try it might be hard for you to let go but in the long run she will thank you for it.you will find that you will have a better relationship with her good luck

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