My nineteen-year-old daughter chose to stay with her father!

Ana Paula Meneses - posted on 01/30/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




It was heart-breaking to hear that my nineteen-year-old daughter chose to stay with her father. I feel like I was stabbed. I have always been a good mother to her, too good perhaps. She started dating her boyfriend three years ago when she was sizteen and since then she changed completely. She can be very rude sometimes and complains a lot if she doesn't get what she want. She can be really irritating and doesn't accept a no answer from me. My husband and I are getting divorced and she asked to seep at her boyfriend's. My husband said yes immediatly. He never bored where she was, all he always wanted was going to bed and sleep. It is so sad and revolting after all I did for her. Almost died after she was born! I always took her to the doctor, to ballet classes three times a week, swimming lessons, everything on my own. He never went shopping for food because he doesn't like it. I even tidied up her room and took care of her laundry. She complained everytime I asked her to tidy her room. Obviously her father doesn't care about household activities, he never did so he never complained. He is like her. So I have been her maid, driver, carer, etc and now she prefers to be with him. I can't even look at her and neither to him. He planned this, I am sure, for years he has been manipulating her and he got what he wanted. I never dreamt this could happen after all I did for her. He wouldn't even take her to Sunday school or to parties when she was younger. It is more than I can take.
What did I do wrong??!!


Jodi - posted on 01/30/2016




She's 19. She's an adult. She clearly thinks dad will be the one who will allow her to make adult choices. This isn't an issue of who she loves the most - she loves both of you. But she has to decide to live with one or the other of you - it isn't a competition. It isn't about what you did wrong. It's just a preference she has at this stage in her life. Continue to reach out to your daughter, invite her over for dinner or out to lunch or coffee. Establish an ADULT relationship with her - your relationship changes once they reach this age, and you need to change with it.


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Michelle - posted on 01/30/2016




I agree with Jodi, she's an adult and can choose where she wants to live.
What would have been your reaction if she had moved out on her own?
Just because you did everything for her doesn't mean her Father has been "manipulating" her. He is letting her be an adult, that's what she needs at the moment.
You need to make the transition of Mother/ child to a Mother/Adult relationship.

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