My Nineteen year old wants to move out and get his own apartment, go to full time college and work? Should we support this ?

Angela - posted on 09/07/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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He request financial support but we can only proved our home and food and medical insurance. He wants to get an apartment.Do we support it by taking him to buy dishes for the apartment he wants to rent? He wants to work 30 hours a week and go to school at a community college full time. He does not have a lot of sucess under his belt with school although he is very bright. He has his GED but wants to be an Engineer. He is going to move out and get his own apartment. He had trouble doing two hours of chores as part of the household per week. He is responsible about work and seems motivated to complete school. He says this is something he is determined to do; to have his own place and be able to go home and crack open a beer. We dont allow drinking in our home and have lots of talk about alcoholism running in our family. Additionally, he has been addicted to pot in the past and tried other drugs until we put our foot down and sent him to treatment. Feeling unsure what to do.

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Michelle - posted on 09/07/2014

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I understand that it's hard but there does come a time when we have to let our children go.
Maybe sit down with him and write up a list of all the expenses he will have: rent, groceries, insurance, car running costs, utilities, etc. That way you can show him how much he has to earn as well as go to school.
If he decides to stay after that then write up an agreement for him staying. Make him pay rent and also help out with more chores. Let him know you will help him gain the experience he will need to be able to make it on his own.

Dove - posted on 09/07/2014

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You can certainly get him a 'house warming' gift if he is moving out to his own place... but you need to make sure beforehand that he understands you will NOT be paying for any of his household bills. You can totally emotionally support him wanting to be out on his own, but again.. make sure he is aware that if he moves out he is a big boy and will be footing the bill for everything. Sort of a 'sink or swim' point of view. I would also outline the stipulations that you are willing to take him back into the house (no drinking, no drugs, pulling his own weight on the chores, etc...) in case his new adventure does not quite work as well as he is hoping.

Michelle - posted on 09/07/2014

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If he want to move out then you let him know that he has to support himself. I wouldn't help him out financially to move out.
Let him know that he is welcome to stay as long as he abides by your rules but you can't help him if he moves. Tell him to get a job first and save for the bond/deposit he will need.

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Angela - posted on 09/07/2014

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Thank you so much for your comments. It is so helpful to read what other Moms would do and such solid good advice. Any more comments are so welcome. I was wondering if a housewarming gift is a good idea. I am starting to get it. I am being suportive without enabling.

Angela - posted on 09/07/2014

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Thank you for your response. That was helpful. I just worry he wont be sucessful going to school full time and working 30 hours a week. I dont want to enable the situation by encouraging it in any way with financial support. It just gets tricky because he will have a difficult time and may need insurance money for his car and many other things like that. He wont live on a bus route probably.
It is good advice you gave. I am going to tell him he is welcome to come back home but he must abide by our rules. It is hard cause I love him so much and worry.

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