My oldest son is a drug addict, as well as my husband- I don't know how to help them anymore

Kimberly - posted on 04/02/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




I lost my kids' dad 6 years ago this coming June, and when he died my oldest son lost his will to live and got involved with smoking pot. I met a guy a year later and we ended up getting married 2 years ago. I found out after we married that he is also an addict, except he was not just smoking pot but meth as well. My oldest son started taking pills, any kind of pills, and then moved on to meth, cocaine. I found out my husband was doing drugs with my son. I moved out of our home last May and left my husband. My son continued to do drugs, my husband hasn't gotten help, but every time I ask for a divorce he refuses to get one, saying he is going to change. My son blames me for the way he is because I am still married to the husband. He (husband) doesn't live with us, so he isn't around us, but my son still goes and hangs out with him and does drugs. So how is this my fault that he is still doing drugs with him? My son's friends all do drugs, so even if I got a divorce and never saw the husband again, my son would still be doing exactly what he is doing now. I have carried guilt around for several years with this kid.


Amy - posted on 04/02/2013




An addict can only start recovering when they choose too, you can't do it for them. You can find him a rehab facility but you can't make him go, and if he voluntarily goes you can't make him stay clean its something he will have to battle for the rest if his life.

I don't know why you're still with your husband if you want a divorce go file. He can't make you stay married to him and more than likely he's never going to change he'll just get better at hiding it from you. Find a support group for you! They have support groups for family members who suffer from addictions, you will find other parents who have been or who are dealing with the same thing as you. You'll probably here success stories as well as some unsuccessful ones but you'll see you aren't alone.

I'd like to add most addicts don't recover until they hit bottom. Unfortunately everyone's bottom is different, for one it my be an arrest, for someone else it might be death. My soon to be ex has a gambling addiction, it seemed better when he was in therapy but then he stopped going. He doesn't know I know but he's been to the casino many many times since he stopped therapy but I've learned I can not control him I can only control me. Well I've decided I'm taking my life back so I filed in December for divorce. I wish you the best of luck in your situation, I can not imagine as a mother how hard it is to watch your son suffer.


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Holly - posted on 04/02/2013




inpatient rehab, do your research, find the best one, and get them in there!

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