My own baby didn't want to come back to me after a nursery visit.?

Rebecca - posted on 09/29/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am so gutted I cant tell you. I have been taking my baby who is 14 months old to a few different nurseries as I feel he is a very sociable baby and needs friends his own age. I don't have anyone in my circle of friends with babies as I'm an older mum.

We spent about 1 hour at this nursery today and when I said we are going he went in the opposite direction. That alone wouldn't bother me as he was busy playing and happy and obviously didn't want the fun to end. The nursery worker who spent the most time with him, picked him up and eased him out of the room by showing him different things to distract him and we then went into another room for older children. He was very happy being with her, but when I went to take him off her to leave, he clung on to her neck and cried and did not want me to take him off her.

It really upset me as obviously I'm his mum, it should be the other way round. I felt really embarressed as well as the worker even said, ive never encountered this before.

I feel like my child doesn't like being with me. What do you think?

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Lissa - posted on 10/01/2011

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Your son is very secure, he knows you will be there for him whenever he needs you. The other lady of course was lots of fun but he is not secure about her, if he lets her go will she just leave him behind? It was a lot of fun at that lady's place and he wanted to finish his fun, secure in the knowledge that when he was done you would still be there! While this seems like a bit of a rejection it actually means your son is very securely attached to you, he trusts you and you have given him confidence in you and in himself, this is actually a very good thing :)

Tara - posted on 09/30/2011

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Both of my girls do that when we have been somewhere that they are having fun at - they did it this afternoon when it was time to go home from Grandma and Grandpa's house. My youngest literally screamed and cried and tried to get out of her carseat.

It's totally normal but it does sometimes hurt my feelings. The good thing is you know that your son feels comfortable and happy at nursery.

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There are some kids who will cling to mom and freak out when any other adult tries to care for them and there are kids who will run off to play w/ any adult you bring them to w/out so much as a backwards glance to mom. And, of course, a lot of kids fall somewhere in between.

After having 2 of the second type (twins) and then one of the first type..... The second type make life a LOT easier and there's nothing wrong w/ you OR them.

Rebecca - posted on 10/09/2011

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Thank you Lissa for those comments, really touched me., Everyone thanks so much, You have all given me some lovely thoughts that are encouraging. :)

Tina - posted on 10/01/2011

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I don't think it's a case of he prefers the over nursery worker just that he knows when he goes to you it's time to go home. I'm sure your child loves being with you but like most kids they know when play time with the other kids is over and it's time to go home. I know it hurts sometimes my son has been like that too.

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The only reason I'm getting my 2year old out of day-care without a fight is that there is a playground next door. Of course 30 minutes later I will struggle to get her off the playground... Don't be upset, he's having a great time and surely that's what you want for him.

Ashley - posted on 09/30/2011

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I know how you feel, some days my son doesn't want to come home with me after daycare.
Don't take it to heart (though it's hard) It's a good thing that your child enjoys being social. Good for his social growth. Wouldn't you rather her enjoy being around his care givers and peers, than having seperation anxiety? I know for experience how hard it is to have a child with seperation anxiety. I couldn't even leave the room.
So it's a good thing when your child can feel comfortable with a care giver, and should be some stress off your back

Browniydgal - posted on 09/30/2011

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it sounds like he has put together the fact that Stranger = fun toys, games, etc.... and that Mommy = home, away from fun new toys. Just a kid thing really.

Rachel - posted on 09/30/2011

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my four kids do that all the time. My 6 year old's constant refrain is "I wish we lived HERE." I've come to expect it, and to realize this won't be the last hurtful thing they say to me, and just love them unconditionally. God is the best parent and he gets rejected all the time! I think your child has complete faith that he can show his frustrations with transitioning without losing any of your love, so he is merely expressing that.

Cortney - posted on 09/30/2011

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I've had the same thing happen with the daycare kids I watch. Its not abnormal at all. My own kids always cry when its time to go home from somewhere or even when we've been on vacation for a few days and come home to them and Grandma and Grandpa have to leave. At first it made me feel bad but now I realize that they just feel safe and secure enough that they don't feel like they need to have us around all the time. That leaves them free to truly enjoy special times like playing somewhere new.

Rebecca - posted on 09/29/2011

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Thanks Rebecca & Suzanne, I just love him soooo much and felt really rejected, I guess that's just natural. x

Suzanne - posted on 09/29/2011

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it sounds like you have given your child the confidence to know he is save to play and have funwith other adults and children, this will be a very big plus when they start school. my son was the same way but now he comes out of school with big hellos and hugs every day. it is hard to remember some times but he loves you and knows you will always be there for them.

Rebecca - posted on 09/29/2011

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I know he's easy going and outgoing, but to not want to come to me over a stranger??? OMG.

Rebecca - posted on 09/29/2011

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It hurts, I know! Because your child is so sociable, he felt comfortable with the nursery worker. If your child was hurt...they'd be looking for you for comfort. He still loves you. Think of this as a good thing...you could have the opposite a clingy child who won't go to anyone instead you have an easy going, out going child.

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