My partner has just found out his son from past fling is not his

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I hope someone can give me a bit of advice, I'm loosing my mind here and don't no where to turn. When I met my partner over 4 years ago he had a boy with a woman he slept with when he was very drunk, she was obsessed with him and even tried stopping him seeing his son when she found out he had a girlfriend, this woman is putting it politely a looney, she has tried many things many times to split us up, she has even changed her name to my name on Facebook, there has been loads of things happened to much to tell here! My partner is in the army, he was stationed 3 hrs away from where we live, the child always lived with his mother even social services had been involved many times, she has an older girl taken into care. The boy was put on the child at risk for emotional abuse( which my partner was not told about). My partner was serving in Afghanistan as soon as his foot hit uk ground after his tour she took the boy down to social services and left him there, they said she was depressed but also mentally incapable of bringing up a child, all her children 3 of them she has not wanted full time after they turn 2/3 basically she just wants baby's. Social services sorted out he would stay with us a few nights a week and also at hers a few nights, went well to start with then a few weeks into it she again went to social services and left the boy saying she wasn't doing it! He came to live with me full time and the army made sure my partner was home every weekend for my sake. After 7 months of this, I gave up jobs, had no life of my own he was badly behaved, my son suffered a lot as he did not get attention anymore. We decided to move to where he was based, the army gave us a house and all was good although throug out all this we received nothing but grief from his mother took us to court many times, and lost. Through all of this I had always had niggling doubts my partner was not his father, we did a DNA test and found out he is NOT his son! What do we do now?? I can't look after this child anymore, too much has happened ( I know it's not the child's fault) and I feel really bad and guilty but he has to go back to his mother or go live with his auntie, we can't take his mother crap anymore, she has made me a very bitter person and I don't want to be like this, of she was just incapable of bringing him up we would do it but we can't we want her put our lives forever! Anyone have any advise, so much has happened I can't explain it all on here I could write a book! X

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Angela - posted on 01/23/2014

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From your post I gather, that like me, you're British. I want to emphasise this before we go any further because most of the people using these forums are American and the Law is different there. For Americans, if a man accepts that a child is his, generally he has moral and financial responsibility of the child for life - even when a DNA test says different.

In the UK the Law is different - the man does NOT need to have financial responsibility for a child that is not his (especially when it's proven by DNA) unless he has chosen to have that responsibility.

I would contact a solicitor specialising in Family Law.

This child's dishonest mother's lies have disrupted your family life, caused your husband unnecessary expense and given the British Army reason to re-juggle your husband's hours of duty.

You say "we did a DNA test". How? You need to have an official one ordered from a Court of Law carried out with the correct official guidelines and controls in place. Some mail order DNA test or online arrangement from some Internet website isn't going to cut the mustard with the legal system. This is why you MUST get a Family Law specialist solicitor on the case.

Now - the child. None of this is his fault. His "Daddy" suddenly ISN'T his Daddy. Has your husband bonded with this child on any level? Have you? Have your other children? Because it's really harsh on the child that all emotional, moral and psychological "family" support can be withdrawn immediately whilst also withdrawing the financial support.

You need to get that legal advice fast but also look into family counselling and conciliation for yourselves and the unfortunate child in the centre of all of this.

Good luck.

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