My pre-teen's moods and tudes make me not want to spend time with him. Does this make me a horrible mother?

K - posted on 07/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I love my son, he is an amazing kid. Lately, his attitude and his grumpy moods are pushing me away! We try everything to get him to snap out of it, even leaving him alone eventually. Which is hard, because I know sometimes he is crying for help, but if he won't let us in, how long do I kill myself for and ruin the whole family's good time trying to get him to snap out of it?!? There are a ton of everyday annoyances that happen as well. The way he treats me and his father, doesn't listen, doesn't think, etc... I can only take so much! So, I have been giving him more space. I don't want to be snapping at him every time he messes up or does something that pisses me off, but my mother in law is making me feel guilty. Like he is the poor baby and he should get away with this or that, or he might not have been lying about this or that, or he only did this or that because he's sad or confused. It makes me bonkers because he turns into the victim that can do no wrong! I want to teach him to come to us for help or learn to handle problems or situations on his own. I will always be there for him and he knows that, we are always having little family check ins about how we are feeling or about our day. His father and I ask him "what's really wrong" all the time and, luckily, sometimes he still talks to us instead of just listening. I don't really want any parenting tips or advice, I feel like I am getting enough of that from my in laws, just to know if anyone else out there needs to take a mommy time out from their pre-teen?!?

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Xiloa - posted on 07/24/2012

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I used to think that i would never go through a hard time with my teenage son and that i would always keep him out of harm and support him. Unfortunately things don't work out like that everyone's head is it's own world and we are all unpredictable. I my self have called out for help every time by talking to people and looking for that help in every corner. Some people can't be trusted with your problems unfortunately. As much as it kills us mothers that unconditionally love their children and fear the worst that's out in this world there comes a time that we must step back and let them be miserable for a minute. I am a Christian and i believe in prayer and asking for it as well. I also know that when your kid is down you have to be though and show them no weakness from your part.
Don't baby your teen and don't breath down their necks and tell them things one time only. I have learned that being to overprotect will back fire on you and that is something that i wish on no one. You also have to learn how to tell people to back off and that you don't need them putting the blame on you after all we are all humans and we are not perfect. Take it one day at a time and write down what you think is concerning and find your safe place. My prayers for you and yours and don't lose your sanity.

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