Brooklyn - posted on 05/30/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )
I'm writing in hopes to find some help with how to deal with a step mother who is constantly getting on my nerves about one thing or another.
First thing about me though. I am a single mother of a very happy and active five year old boy. When I first got pregnant, she wanted me to have an abortion. When I refused, she kicked me out of the house. She then told me to putting my child up for adoption was an option. I refused. Over the years, I started to believe that I was never going to have the chance at motherhood because my periods never came around yet the doctors couldn't tell me why I wasn't having them. I have always loved kids. I volunteered in a kindergarten class in my junior and senior year of high school.
My step mother constantly makes me feel like I'm a horrible person and an even worse parent. I know I'm not the best parent, but what parent is perfect? I know that I'm far from the worst parent out there. I gave up my old life for my child. I don't smoke. I hardly drink (when I do, he's spending the night at my dad and step moms house). I don't do drugs. My step mother keeps bringing up my weight (I'm a heavy set mama) and tells me what I should and shouldn't be eating.
Recently she complained that I never invite them into my home. I didn't say anything. The reason? She would constantly complain about my use of fragrances. There have been a few times where she had asked if it would help if she bought fragrant-free laundry detergent for me. Why and how would that help? It's my household and I have the right to use whatever product I chose to use. She then told me that she didn't want me or my son coming over unless we switched. I called my dad the next day to ask if she had told him what she told me. He was furious. She then called me later saying that I shouldn't have brought my dad into it, that I should have kept it between us. Few days later I talked to my dad and told him that I felt he had the right to know, especially if he hadn't seen his ONLY biological grandchild for weeks at a time. I didn't want him to think I was holding my son away from him.
Another thing she's done was she insisted that she needed to have my son's insurance card and a letter from me stating that they could bring him into the doctor. I didn't say anything but felt that was pretty invasive. She's always saying that as grandparents they don't have any rights. I don't think she hears herself saying that because she just answered her self, she doesn't have parental rights because she's not his legal guardian, I am. I talked to his doctor at his check up, she told me the doctors would just give me a call in an event of him coming in.
She doesn't ask before she cuts his hair, which I find rude and disrespectful. She wouldn't cut her son's kids' hair without permission but yet she's giving herself the rights do that to my son. She doesn't tell me when they plan to take him out of town. Number one rule of being a parent is ALWAYS know where your young child is. Often times I find out they have taken him out of town after the fact but then she gets mad when I ask her what the plans are before allowing him to go over there.
I have become so flustered that a lot of times I start thinking that I should start banning their visits but it would absolutely kill me because I love and respect my father and my son absolutely loves his grandpa and my stepmom so dearly. I can't take my son's happiness away.
I just don't know what to do. How do I talk to her without her flying off the handle when I try to explain how I feel?