My relationship is in the hands of a six year old.

Flick - posted on 05/14/2016 ( 17 moms have responded )

12

20

3

My almost BF is considering ending things because his daughter threw a tantrum about him dating. We have been seeing each other for 18 months, he has met my children and they like him alot. But when he mentioned meeting me to his 6 year old daughter she outright refused and told him he doesn't need any more friends because he has her. I respect him for putting his child's needs before his own but I am angry because he is considering being alone instead of explaining to his daughter that he loves her but needs a grown up relationship.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

8,728

0

21

Come on, I can't be the only one:
"My almost BF is considering ending things because his daughter threw a tantrum about him dating"
Either he wants out or he is the biggest wimp ever.

17 Comments

View replies by

Sarah - posted on 05/15/2016

8,728

0

21

Maybe a way to look at it is if you were already married? You make time for your spouse and care for that relationship and you make time for your kids, and then you make family time. You can have it all, a partner, a good relationship with your kids and a good relationship between partner and kids. No one has to lose out.

Dove - posted on 05/15/2016

11,679

0

1349

You really can't tell him what to do. He should sit down w/ his daughter and tell her that you are an important friend and she is going to meet you (maybe while taking her to her favorite park or out at her favorite place to eat). She will be respectful and not throw a fit. She doesn't have to like it, but she has to give it a chance because daddy is allowed to have grown up friends. Period.

If he can't do that or doesn't want to do that... there's nothing else you can do, but let him go.

If he's worried about her emotionally over this... perhaps some counseling would help. She could express her negative feelings in a safe place w/ him and the counselor can help them both work through it until she understands.

Flick - posted on 05/15/2016

12

20

3

Neither of us would of waited this long and got to know each other so well if it wasn't what we wanted. We didn't forsee his daughter having an issue with meeting me. Yes I agree he needs to man up and tell his daughter what's what but how can he do that without her feeling neglected, abandoned or pushed to the side. This is what he is struggling with, not whether he wants me, but how to keep the balance. She is 6 and has had her dad to herself for 3 years. I'm asking for advise to pass to him 're making this easier for his daughter. I don't need justification on whether it's what we want as we both know it is.

Ev - posted on 05/15/2016

7,359

7

910

Almost BF of 18 months to be exact. I wonder if they both are using this as an excuse to get out of the relationship.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2016

3,622

8

3245

Sarah has a point, maybe he's using her as an excuse to call it off with you.

Sarah - posted on 05/14/2016

8,728

0

21

Sorry I don't buy it. If he were in love with you, he'd man up and tell his kid about you. He is the grown up in the relationship, not her. IMO, he may be using her as a way out. Seriously a 6 yo changes their mind everyday. Grown ups would tell the child she is meeting someone important to you, she is to be respectful, and expect her to mind. Grown-ups are allowed to have friends too, and grown ups need grown up friends.

Flick - posted on 05/14/2016

12

20

3

That's what I done with my three children. I just told them he was tagging along one day. He did admit he went about it the wrong way. He has no family and only a couple of single guy friends to ask about this stuff.

Ev - posted on 05/14/2016

7,359

7

910

You have no proof of mom telling the child anything since you nor he were most likely not there. If he can not make his child mind him when he has her there is a problem and it will roll over into the relationship with you. He needs to understand his role as a parent. The child needs to learn her place as well.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2016

3,622

8

3245

We have no idea what her Mother may or may not have said to her so we can't speculate on that.
I met my husband when my 2 older ones were 5 & 7. I didn't ask them if they wanted to meet him first, I introduced them. They got along really well and things progressed from there. Of course if they didn't get along I probably wouldn't have stayed with him as the kids need to be comfortable.
My point is, he should have introduced you instead of asking if she wants to. She's 6, she just wants her parents back together so of course she doesn't want to meet you!!!

Flick - posted on 05/14/2016

12

20

3

The only reason we aren't committed is because we decided not to be until we had met each others children. We are monogamous and do everything else that people in a commited relationship do. He is only struggling because he doesn't know how to change his daughter's opinion. He has told me he is conflicted and that he just doesn't want his daughter going into things with negative feelings. He has mentioned me to her alot it has only been since he asked her to meet me she has had a problem. I am worried that her mum, they share custody, may have said something either unintentionally or not to put their daughter off.

Michelle - posted on 05/14/2016

3,622

8

3245

Do you really want to be with someone who lets a 6yo run how he lives? Sorry, but he is the parent, not her. I wouldn't want to be with someone who couldn't make up his own mind.
Yes, I did date a guy who was very similar. Actually he was looking for a Mother to discipline his child instead of him. Needless to say, I didn't stay.

Ev - posted on 05/14/2016

7,359

7

910

Then if he is an almost BF and not really a BF persay....and he is listening to his child, he is definitely not ready to get serious with you. But his child should not be allowed to dictate to him if he should date or not. Maybe it is not the best time to meet his child.

Flick - posted on 05/14/2016

12

20

3

He is making his decision this weekend. He is truly torn and I feel so helpless

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms