My sister doesn't want her 4 year old around my 11-year old. Is that right even though we're sisters??

Sue - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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When my sister's 4 year old was born, my sister and her boyfriend(the father) were very over protective of him. I understand that's natural for first time parents but they were very picky towards everyone that even I felt uncomfortable when holding him. My son(who at the time was 7 years old) was extremely excited to receive the new baby but wasn't able to enjoy him because they were always very picky about him holding him while sitting, or playing with his little hands or feet, kissing, and hugging him because they were afraid he might squeeze him etc... something was always said when it would happen. Since my son was the first grandchild and my sister being the only aunt, he was used to her attention and all of a sudden the new baby arrives and everything changes. I completely admit that my son was not always careful, was often ruff, not with the baby Im just talking about his tendencies(he was diagnosed with ADHD) but it seemed that because of this, they wouldn't even give him a chance to be a big brother to his new cousin. My son started noticing all of this, and as my nephew got older he started not liking him. He always talked about how my sister didn't love him anymore and how all of the attention went to my nephew and how he was treated like a king. I definitely would always talk to him about it and give him words of encouragement but to this day he is still somewhat affected by it and is not very fond of him. Let me begin by saying that both my nephew and my son often make bad choices. First off, Im the kind of parent who thinks highly of discipline, so I don't ignore bad behavior. My sister on the other hand often does, so my nephew often gets away with being disrespectful or unfair towards others. My son as it is is not fond of my nephew and when he acts bratty with him and gets his way it gets on his nerves. When we meet up at my mothers house, my son often shows a mad face to him or doesn't care to kiss him hello and certainly does not really like playing with him. There have been times that my nephew doesn't do anything to him and my son purposely does things to get him mad, like taking his blanket to cover himself because he knows he doesn't like sharing and that will aggravate him. It seems that my nephew somewhat looks up to him, so he follows my son around to play with him or mimics everything he does and my son wants nothing to do with him and often runs away from him and becomes upset. I do want to clarify that they play and interact nicely sometimes but often need supervision. I've talked to him many times and have asked him to be nice and ignore his bad choices and and for him to make good ones but it only works momentarily. My sister has also talked to him and clarified things from the past and still he continues to not be fond of his cousin. So the last time my son was at his grandmother's house (I wasn't there) he was sitting on the couch with a friend and sat on my nephews blanket and my nephew tried to yank it from under him. My son told him that he had to ask first and he began to tantrum and hit and my son would still not give it to him. My sister came home to find him crying and yelled at my son that they weren't going to be around each other anymore because he's always doing things to aggravate her son . I feel so hurt I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like our kids are driving us apart! Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

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Geneveieve - posted on 11/02/2012

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I'm in the exact same position as you. I hope by now you have come to some kind of solution as there is no way to explain the feeling of the drift in the family and the hurt of "always discipline your child on the behalf of the others". My daughter does antagonize her cousin and I do admit she isn't an angel but I do see what is done to her as well. But the broken telephone communication tactics from my nephew is really wearing us down and way to thin. Today was the last straw when he spat in her face and his mother (my sister) did nothing. I was horrified and to be honest utterly betrayed but mostly heart broken for my daughter who is 12 and turning into lady. The best part we all live on the same property.



Light and Love

Lacye - posted on 07/20/2012

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Your son actually had a point. Your nephew should have asked him to please move so he could get his blanket. But that's not really the point.

In a way it seems your son was pushed away from your nephew at an early age because of your sister and now she is trying to push them together by demanding he be nice to her son that she alienated him from. Well she got what she wanted to begin with. Your son doesn't really want to have much to do with his own cousin. Don't force it. Just keep your son away from your nephew. Personally, if I had a nephew that acted like that, I wouldn't want my child around him anyways. Hitting and screaming because things aren't going his way is not how we do things.

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