Don - posted on 10/21/2015 ( 12 moms have responded )
Hello, I am looking for advice and potential suggestion. I am a father, unfortunately there are not comparable forums with the amount of wealth of knowledge than COM's. If I have offended anyone for signing up to attain help, please inform and I will leave immediately.
Here's my story and synopsis:
My current girlfriend, (SO) and I have been dating for almost 2 years. We are deeply in love. She has two kids previously, I have one 7 year old son.
My SO and I are understanding, patient, respectful, caring etc with each other as well as with our situations with our kids. We do keep the best interest for our kids in mind almost 100% of the time.
Yesterday, I went to my sons moms house to work on a scout project with my son and his mom. This project took us approx.. two hours of work and effort. When we completed for the evening I called my girlfriend to let her know I was on my home. She acted angry and continued to put me down about how I always do weird things for my son. I asked her what was weird, she said to go and hang out at my sons moms house to do this project. She then said that no one does this. She said if I were to tell all my friends about this they would all disagree with and think that is weird. I didn't want to say too much to her as I could tell she was angry about it, but didn't want to let it go as I could tell she was bothered about it. I feel it is important for us to communicate about the good and the bad, even if it is tough to talk about. I have only been over to my ex's house maybe five times in the last 4 months, and my SO was with me each time except for one time when I dropped my son off. My ex and I do not talk on a daily basis sometimes about once or twice a week and it is specifically about our son together and only via text. My SO does not agree that I should ever be around my ex, (with my son), she finds this weird. So, I know this bothers her and I respect her wishes, the only time I am with my ex is when we are exchanging our son, or at a scout or sports event. I know my SO hates my ex, but sometimes I wish she wouldn't be so negative about the situation and/or put me or my son down about it. In June of this year, my ex and I had a joint birthday party. My SO was upset that I would be around my ex, she made comments like, who would actually have a joint birthday with their ex, who would put their kids through this, who does these kind of things. The birthday was in a public place with extended family from both sides present. My SO could not be there because of a prior obligation.
My question is this, is my SO in the right to be concerned that I have spent time with my sons ex while we were partaking in an activity or event for our son? Is this common for ex parents to both be present with their kids? Is it common, if both ex's don't mind to have one or the other over at each others house, to partake together in their sons learning? I want to always keep my children first, but I also don't want to do anything to inflict hurt onto my girlfriend. What should I do? How should I address?
Last note, my ex and I are not friends, we are friendly to each other for the sole purpose of being civil for our child together. We do have a common understanding about not badmouthing each other in front of our son. I do not mind partaking in events with my sons mom involved. I do not mind if my SO is involved with her childrens ex's.