My son 7 cries during homework time. Any suggestions to held him & me out?

Michele - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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Hate school & homework & cries when He has to do it. A 5 min. thing sometimes takes him forever when he's in one of these moods.Help!!!

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Judy - posted on 09/03/2009

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I found that especially with boys, it's best to set a schedule. It's best to give them some down time after school with a snack. I would use the timer so that they know exactly when the time is up and it's time to move onto the next activity. Then I would give him his homework in small time slots. Say like 7 minutes because he is 7 years old. Set the timer and tell him for the next 7 minutes he must productively work on his homework. Give him only 1 page at a time because it is overwhelming to see all the work he must do. Then give him a 15 minute break to do something fun that he likes. Again set the timer so he knows when the time is up. Then back to homework. Keep this up until it is all finished. Give him lots of praise for working so hard and doing a good job. If he is having difficulty, start with a little less time like 5 minutes and work your way up to longer increments. Once he realizes what a short time he must sit still and that he will be rewarded with his own free time, homework should less of a hassle. Also be sure to explain to him how it will work with time on homework and then time playing. Allow him a few choices of activities he can do in the play time. That way he will feel like he is in control. Hope this helps!! :)

Laurie - posted on 09/04/2009

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As a former early childhood teacher I'd suggest taking a look at his birth date.If he turned seven after June 1st, it may be an issue of development-- the pressure may just be getting to him. Try doing it in spurts of 10 min. on and 3 min off. He can get a drink, bathroom break, any thing you can live with, but he HAS to go back to another 10 min. etc. till the work is done And there's nothing wrong with rewards. My best bit of advice is to find the book -HOMEWORK WITHOUT TEARS. It has wonderful down to earth advice, it's easy to implement and gives parents a boost of confidence that yes, I do know what's best. :) My mother and I have been referring this book to parents for years-- good luck!

Valerie - posted on 09/02/2009

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My 6yr. old son does the exact same thing. I believe it is manipulation too. My son wants to do it when he wants to do it or not at all. He cries and truly it gets him no where, because I ignore it. Then he stops and does it anyway. Making it fun always helps. Just don't let him push your buttons and pretend it doesn't bother you. I have five kids and each one of them have done this a time or two. So hang in there!!!!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/04/2009

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There is a very good behaviour chart sit called Mona's. Google it I think it is Mona's Behaviour Charts. She asks you to join for free emails and there are free charts but she is also hoping you will subscribe to her help for money as well. She is a teacher and has some very good ideas re below. The charts are colorful and there is an online game that you get a kitty you choose, and stuff for it if you get points. I loved this site and it is free to play the oline game. If you have trouble finding it I will find it for you. Hope this helps.



Behavior is like the "fruit" on a tree.

It's the part you can see.



So if you don't like the "fruit" your

child is producing, you need to look

beneath the surface.



Your job...



Start guessing what might be going on

inside your child or student that might

be contributing to the bad behavior

you're seeing on the outside.



Could it be something emotional?



Is it something related to habit that

has been reinforced?



Could it be an insecurity that your

child has?



Could it be related to a fear?



Could it be related to something the

child needs?



Is it something in the child's diet?



Start keeping a private list of what you

think MIGHT be contributing to the

behaviors that you're seeing.



Then brainstorm ways you could address

those issues (causes) so that they don't

continue to bring about bad behavior

[deleted account]

Hello Michele,

Building good study habits are important. Not sure the age, but what does he do besides doing his homework. Play with his toys, watch tv, play video games. Well until the homework is done he cannot do what he wants until he does what he needs to do. He might have a wicked tantrum, but just calmly tell him the choice is his, he can cry or get him homework done so he can pick out his next activity within reason. When he realizes that he has some control back, he will do his homework. Let's face it, everything in life is not fun, you just have to do it. Also, after a long day, he might need a snack to get his energy level back to concentrate.

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User - posted on 12/20/2012

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Have you tried making a game out of it. My daughter cries too so I would make a game out of it and and she would win prizes it at the end or in between if she got to stressed. Also we took self time outs to clam down. She is 7 btw. Works for my 4 year old too. The one thing I found really helpful is come up with choices and letting them chose. The important thing to let them think they are making the choice. :) good luck

Tonja - posted on 09/05/2009

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Michele when my kids were at this stage I would sit down with them and have them explain what they were working on like I knew nothing at all. I would ask lots of questions as as if they were teaching me. and before you knew it they had they homework all done. I also would take the time to ask about their day ,what went wrong what went right treat them like a person/friend. sometime they just need to talk and don't know how to ask or say what it is they are trying to say. We always greeted each other with a hug and a kiss every day as well. :)

Elizabeth - posted on 09/04/2009

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okay everyone the Behaviour Charts are at: Mona@freebehavourcharts.com

Annie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Do you have other kids? do you have time to make it fun? maths... get out the coins, disect a piece of playdoh for cone shapes etc. count marbles with 2 + 4. sing counting songs while he helps with something. go for a bike ride while you do the times table. a mini m and m in a moneybox for every word he can say and spell quickly. get creative, when they are young they need fun times, they have years of it to go. goodluck

Laura - posted on 09/04/2009

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Due to my daughter being in a private school at that age, she always had a lot of homework. I would let him have a snack when he got home from school and then have him start his homework. I've done that with my daughter and it helped her out to have something on her stomach. Depending on your schedule, try not to let him do his homework at night. It's just another excuse for staying up late. My daughter used to fuss about her homework all the time. It used to turn into a never ending battle with her.
I had to set time limits with her. I hope you find this helpful.

Michele - posted on 09/03/2009

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Thank you all for taking the time to help. It is always good to get other thuoghts & ideas. Thank you, again! Michele

Michele - posted on 09/03/2009

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Thank you all for your addvice & time to aswer my question. It will all help. It's alllways good to get other opinions & aproaches. Thank you,again.

Michele - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Debbie:

Have you checked he doesn t have a learning difficulty as I had this with 1 of my sons. He turned out to be dyslexic and needed extra help. I also dont agree with homework at this age, he should be playing and having some fun - it may help to talk to his teacher. Set him a time limit of 10minutes and then leave whatever has not been done. Good luck!!!!


He  is in2 grade we cannot turn in unfinished home work. I myself am dyslexic. It's not that he just wont do it at least once a week.

Michele - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting Ann:

Hello Michele,
Building good study habits are important. Not sure the age, but what does he do besides doing his homework. Play with his toys, watch tv, play video games. Well until the homework is done he cannot do what he wants until he does what he needs to do. He might have a wicked tantrum, but just calmly tell him the choice is his, he can cry or get him homework done so he can pick out his next activity within reason. When he realizes that he has some control back, he will do his homework. Let's face it, everything in life is not fun, you just have to do it. Also, after a long day, he might need a snack to get his energy level back to concentrate.



We have done all that doesn't care or work with him

Michele - posted on 09/03/2009

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It doesn't matter what time of day, same result. His hearing & sight are fine.

Holly - posted on 09/03/2009

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I have a 6 year old that started having a simuliar problem. He cried and cried and then when i got him settled down, I told him we would do only a little at a time, and he was content with that. I think if you give them everything at once they freak out, so giving them a little at a time helps out a lot. Good luck!!

Anne - posted on 09/03/2009

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a counsellor once asked this micro managing/control freak mother how I would feel if my child was one of those kids that did everything at the last minute ... including homework. My reply was that I would be fine if homework was left to the last minute - i just wouldn't organise to do anything else the day before the homework was due ... it is soooo hard not to want them to get it done in MY timeframe ... here's how it works in our house. My kids have certain activities they love and we all like the weekends to be homework free as much as possible (obviously this will change as they grow) soooo the rule is a certain amount has to be completed or they miss out on something else. If my 9yr old hasn't finished half his homework by mid week then he doesn't go to footy/cricket training on wednesday arvo ... he is now the kids opting to do 20mins in the morning in lieu of free time before school ... good luck

Donna - posted on 09/03/2009

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I don't think a 7 year old should be getting homework. At that age going to school all day is so tiring for them and then having to come home and sit and do more school work is not right. If he HAS to do it break it up in to small sections and let him get up and move around in between and have a drink. Talk to him teacher and tell her to cut back on his homework.

Karen - posted on 09/03/2009

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My son is ADD... not hyperactive in the slightest, just can't focus mentally... and I had this same issue. He would get so frustrated... simply counting two piles of blocks to add 5 and 6 together took him 23 min. one day because he had to keep starting over.

I found a few things that helped....

1) Give him a little down time after school... if he does have something like this, or another learning disability, which it sounds like he very well could, then I am sure he works very hard during school to be like the other kids he sees... by the time he gets home, he's ready to melt from trying so hard all day.

I set a timer for my son... he gets 30 min (it's cut back if we have an agenda that day) of free time when he gets home. When the timer goes off, everything but homework gets put on hold.

2) I sit down with him at the table to do his work and try to keep the house as clam and quiet as possible... I send other kids to do tasks outside the room, or have them sit quietly and do their own work, etc.

3) When he starts getting irritated or has a hard time focusing, we "shake out the bugs".... I have him stand up and do a dance (he's 10 and still uses this), then try a number of problems before the jitter bugs come back. Some days it's one problem at a time... other days he can get 3-4 done before he has to get up again.

4) He likes to challenge himself when the work is not interesting enough to hold his attention... I set a timer and he sees how many problems he can get done before it goes off. He excells in math so this works especially well there.

Shelley - posted on 09/03/2009

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I had two of my four children get upset and frustrated around this age while doing their homework...found it easier to set time aside either once they were home from school, or just after dinnertime (depending on how much homework, sometimes did both) and sat down with them at the dinnertable or in their room while they did their homework. By doing this you're reinforcing good homework and study habits first of all, secondly at these ages they need supervision while doing their homework, and thirdly you can help them thru the tough spots!

It does take time to get a routine down, but once you try it ...stick to it and it will work out for your son.

PS. If you are unable to spend the time to do this, find someone else in your family who can...or you can talk to yours son's teacher and possibly work out a plan with him/her to help them during recess or before or after school...if you're really desperate find a tutor.

Janice - posted on 09/03/2009

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I find my 8 year old cries when he is overwhelmed, tired or hungry. Check you time when this happens and try a snack first, a rest time like read a book or look at pictures in a book or finding a more appropriate time. Hope it works for you.

Deb - posted on 09/03/2009

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What grade is your son in? Was he a summer baby? My children have done and my 9 year old does at times today. She is a May baby and we had her repeat the second grade because we started her to soon. Doing much better this year in the 3rd. I do speak with her when she is upset. Look at choices. If nothing works I give her a time out in another room to calm down. My goal is to make homework a better experience than just being a punishment (which she sees it as)

Laura - posted on 09/03/2009

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I went through this last year. My son is having to repeat 2nd and I promise everynight we were up for hours doing homework that should have taken 1 hour. I am having him tested for a learning disibility for him and I. He does have problems so if I can learn how to help him. I know it so it is easy for me to know the answer lol but things he knows or I will tell him he still has not a clue. If you are like me an you get angery talk to his teacher, dont wait please. But its like I said I went throught it right last year my lord I could not tell you how hard it was my son is 9 now. I know how you feel set a routine my little one wanted to get up an get water or bathroom break just to pull the attention off of him. I even made my son send in his homework not done with a note does not understand. When he had more tears from crying then anything somethings wrong. For my son he just did not get it now he is repeating the grade and im having him tested. Good Luck.

Angie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Quoting JoDale & TaMy'S Kidz:

You are being manipulated mommy! He is a very smart boy...he has found what truly pushes your button. You must remain calm and ignore him. Doing homework with my 6yr old I make it fun for her...sometimes she dont EVEN know we have done her homework! Good luck Mom!



I agree!  Children begin manipulating us when they are babies.  He maybe a little tired from the new routine.  Give him a snack and remain calm.  He'll do better as he becomes new to the school routine this year.

[deleted account]

May I make a suggestion that I wish I had 20 years ago. Get the book "parenting with Love and Logic" google them also they have a website. Love and logic.

Tina - posted on 09/03/2009

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Maybe it is the time of day in which he is doing his homework....My daughter who is now 8 had the same problem.  We were doing homework after dinner...(too late)....Then I tried doing homework right after she came home from school, and after a small snack.  If she wanted to go outside and play, she had to do her homework...This way the info is still fresh in her head from school and she is not too tired from playing outside with friends.  Also going outside is motivation to do homework a little quicker...



Hope this helps

Cassandra - posted on 09/03/2009

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Tell him if you finish you will earn a reward. Get a jar and let him put marbles in it and at the end of the week take him some where so he can either do or buy something for all his hard work. Also try giving him finger foods to pass the time like carrots, bannanas, mini cookies etc, but just a few because dinner will be shortly to come. Make a game out of his homework use what ever his favorite sport is or what he plays the most. Hope it gets better.

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2009

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I would try to make homework time fun for him. he probably feels that if he cries ull forget about making him do it. Other people would say tell hom to get usta it cuz hes gotta deal wit it for another 10-11 years!

Ursula - posted on 09/03/2009

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My younget use to do this as well, would cry and refuse to focus on the work. I scheduled conferences with his teacher and brought my son with me to the meeting. It's always a good idea to have constant communication with the teacher...One of the large problems was that my son did not feel as though he knew the material and did not know how to communicate that to me. We developed a plan and learned patience! Good luck :)

Lissa - posted on 09/03/2009

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Honestly, I have found that the longer I wait after school, the more my 8 yo will fuss. He's ALWAYS done it..... If I let him get in the house, talk to him a little while he's having a snack and begin work together (always together) he's much better. If I have to leave him to himself to get it done, he's always whining about it. This isn't new - this has been going on since 1st grade. Making it fun is always a plus. Teachers have the same task - making it fun - in order to get many students to participate at all. Sharing homework with your child also lets him know that you are partnering with him and with his teacher to make his education count.



I know by that time of day, you're spent and exhausted. But so are they. This little bit of time you spend together can really make all the difference to him and his success at school. (Don't forget that the snack should NOT contain refined sugars... that will be hideous to his study habits. I recommend peanut butter and jelly, jello shapes or squares, fresh cut fruit or veggies, offer ranch with carrots and celery as the schools do the same, or even cheese and crackers. The protein will be the best bet for great study habits too!



Good luck!

Monique - posted on 09/03/2009

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I can definitely relate. Kids are getting a ton of homework in elementary school!!! My daughter had the same issue last year in Kindergarten. So I just tried to make it a little more interesting for her. I bought her "fancy" new pencils from that were sparkly and new crayons, etc....anything that would keep her interested. And we worked quickly and I kept her supplied with snacks while we were working. Good luck

Debbie - posted on 09/03/2009

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Have you checked he doesn t have a learning difficulty as I had this with 1 of my sons. He turned out to be dyslexic and needed extra help. I also dont agree with homework at this age, he should be playing and having some fun - it may help to talk to his teacher. Set him a time limit of 10minutes and then leave whatever has not been done. Good luck!!!!

Marci - posted on 09/02/2009

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Make it a sorta fun time with his homework you do a question answer it wrong and see if he catches it and if he don't say to him this answer just does not seem right, will you check it for me please and have him look it over. Or maybe even tell him that if he doe not do his homework then he cannot go play outside. I have a 10 year old that is in the 5th grade and he hated doing homework and now that he is getting higher in school he has to bring home more homework and he does not like it either. So I hope I helped a little bit. Good luck

Sherry - posted on 09/02/2009

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I can soo sympathize!! This happened with me & my daughter last yr. She has ADHD & at first I thought that may have been something to do with it, but it wasn't. When do u make him do homework? As soon as he gets home or after playing? Try making him do it after he get's home, give him a snack & a drink & get everything all set up & ready. Stay UPBEAT & POSITIVE no matter what!!, even if he's freaking. Take breaks!! Even if it should only take 5 min, it doesn't have to be done in 5 min. Teachers told me: Take breaks, do a problem or 2, break, then go back to it. It worked for us! Sometimes too much at one time is just too much for their little brains. Goodluck!

Stacey - posted on 09/02/2009

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He sounds like he is overwhelmed. Does he have a special needs or concerns with school?

If not you could try doing homework in short intervals. Maybe read first, When writing you could write something with him. The teacher may have some helpful hints. Good Luck.

[deleted account]

that would be my suggestion make it fun... try and instill in him that learning is fun and encourage him to have fun with it. Try and find out why he doesnt like it get him to use his words and talk about it.



Maybe take him outside and do it. Read his homework and see if you can verbally do any of it without him even realising - then explain to him he just did it and now knows all the answers so if he can write it down before the timer stops (get a 3 minute egg timer) then he gets a reward (1/2 hr TV or whatever will work in your house)



For his reading play a detective game and cover all the words and ask him to flick through the pictures and see if he can find out whats happening from the pictures and then get him to read it to see if he is correct. Even get him a detective badge to see if it helps.



Kids have spent all day at school and dont get any thinking time he may need time to relax, reflect and think about the day and the thought of homework might be just to much for him. So maybe try doing it at a different time (After dinner or if he is an early riser then in the morning) your timing for when he has to do it may just be all wrong for him.



I know that making it fun will take longer but he might be crying as he is wanting quality attention off you so making the experience a positive one for both of you may just be what the dr ordered.



Also check the little things like his hearing, eye site, his sitting posture etc etc etc as these could be resulting in his unwillingness to do it

Jennifer - posted on 09/02/2009

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I DOUBT it's manipulation at this stage of the game. Kids his age truly WANT to please their parents. I'd have a talk with his teacher, and perhaps set up an evaluation. He could have a learning disability; dyslexia is one off the top of my head. Don't scold him for this; rather, have a talk with him and ask WHY he's trying to get out of doing homework. It can be hard for kids to verbalize frustration, and maybe he doesnt' know how to approach this subject. Have him eval'd. Good luck.

JoDale & TaMy'S Kidz - posted on 09/02/2009

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You are being manipulated mommy! He is a very smart boy...he has found what truly pushes your button. You must remain calm and ignore him. Doing homework with my 6yr old I make it fun for her...sometimes she dont EVEN know we have done her homework! Good luck Mom!

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