My Son

Daniel - posted on 10/21/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello to all. I hope it's ok for a Dad to join as I have a concerning question :)

I have my son at the weekends and I'm getting complained at from his Mum that he is coming home with a bad attitude, being disrespectful etc.

I have 2 boys from different mums and treat them both the same. I try my best and dedicate my weekends to them. We go out play footy, bike rides, sit and do homework etc both of them are as good as gold at mine and we have fun.

I don't get any complaints from my oldest sons mother just my youngest (7 - 11)

I obviously don't want him going home with a bad attitude so would like to work this out as It's getting me down with her constantly having a go at me.

I have spoken to my son and not really got anything from him regarding this.

Anyone else had similar problems, ideas anything would be most welcome.

Thanks for your time

Danny

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Daniel - posted on 10/21/2014

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I don't bad mouth his mum from what I gather it's more the other way round.

I usually ask him what he's been up to, talk about school and stuff. Ask how his brothers and sister are but other than that we don't talk much about his home life as he never wants to talk about it (Who Does)

Daniel - posted on 10/21/2014

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Hi, Thanks for the replies, Sorry I didn't explain myself very well. I don't have my boys every weekend it's every other weekend. I used to have them every weekend but the mums weren't getting enough quality time with them so it got changed to every other weekend.

As far as I am aware she isn't really doing anything, just assumes the fault is with me and leaving it to me to sort. I don't have a "Fun" orientated weekend with my boy we just do the normal things I would do if i lived with them daily. They still have to do there homework (which is more than they get during the week) also tidy there rooms, wash-up etc. So I don't think it is down to that tbh unless Mum is doing nothing with him, she does have 4 other children both older and younger than my boy.

I know life is hard for her with so many children and me being single gives me more focused time i guess

Guest - posted on 10/21/2014

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There really isn't a lot you can do about it, and it is actually VERY common for children that age who are spending weekends with one parent and weekdays with the other. You shouldn't worry about it.

One of the reasons it happens is because you get them on weekends and he gets to do all this fun stuff with you, then when he goes back to her, he knows that the school week is coming up. While mom has more time with him, she has less time for the fun stuff because she's having to pull him out of bed in the mornings, and make him do his homework, and all the crappy stuff parents have to do but kids hate doing, so he is in a bad mood because he's dreading the week ahead--not because she's mean or anything, just because he knows his fun is coming to an end.

If it is a really big problem, Mom could arrange to pick him up just a little early on Sundays (if you don't mind) and do something fun with him so that he starts to associate going back to her as a good thing. The thing is, she has to do something fun every time in order to break the mental connection he's developed between going back to mom and ending the fun. Not fun ALL the time, but one special tradition, like eating dinner at his favorite restaurant every Sunday, would probably help a lot.

Like Michelle said, though, it's mostly up to her. (unless you are bad mouthing her to him while he's with you, but it doesn't sound like you're the type to do that).

Michelle - posted on 10/21/2014

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Besides complaining to you what is she doing about it?
My oldest son would come home like that occasionally, I had to remind him where he was and that I didn't put up with that behaviour.
I never once brought it up with my ex because he's an arrogant **** and I knew where my son was getting the attitude from. I saw it was my responsibility to teach my son what I expected in my house.

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