My son and My soon to be husband battle

Santee - posted on 05/25/2014 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My son and Husband's battles over me constantly. My son say mean things, hit him, spit on him but than turns around and say he loves him. He won't let my husband and I have our alone time he has to be involved in everything. I don't mind but it bothers my husband. I don't know what to do i don't want to be stuck in the middle.

24 Comments

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Dove - posted on 05/29/2014

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I don't know why I didn't get any responses to checking this post earlier...

Family counseling would be a GREAT idea for you all. You are pregnant, your son has an extreme attachment to you, and your son and husband clash... and it sounds like your son could have violence/anger issues.

I don't have the husband or the pregnancy... but do have a very attached son w/ anger issues. He WANTS counseling cuz he doesn't want to be this way.

Make some calls, find some help. You can't spank these issues away. Firm boundaries and consistent consequences, yes, but if your son is ANYTHING like mine... that will only be like sticking a band aid on an amputation.

Guest - posted on 05/28/2014

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I can't tell if Jackie is being sarcastic or not, but just in case....

Hitting a child is NEVER an appropriate action or form of discipline. NEVER.

It is true that children benefit from having strong role models--both male AND female role models--but a person who hits another person, especially a child, is NOT a strong role model, and not someone you should want around your children.

Furthermore, it is no more okay to hit another person for "bothering" a woman or a child than it is to hit the woman or child. If going to school and beating up some little kid who bothered your son worked for your husband, your kids must be old enough to be grandparents now, because in today's schools, even in schools when I was a child, your husband would have been slapped with criminal charges. He also took the chance that this little kid's family wouldn't fight back by coming to your house with a whole group of men and weapons. I am not saying to do nothing, but fighting is not the answer.

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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ok wow your a tough one.and u got me in alot of
well u know what.im not saying kill him im saying
even at 5 its called prepuberty/prepubasints
something like that.when a male gets attached
to his mother.but its allso a time when a boy
needs a role model.from there to age 14 so
he learns not to hit girls or his mother.but
its ok a another male botheres u knock his teeth
down his throat
there was another post i liked it made sense
let it be that u give your husband some space to help raies your son and if u think he is going over board speak your mind and then make him
sleep on the couch ha ha

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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I don't believe in beating on me baby like he a pulp...I do give him a pow pow on his but or or a tap on the lip

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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ok say your right would u let a 5 yrold spit on you
and let his mother your girl friend allow it then have v
more babys.im trying to say the problem i see today
is motheres not letting fatheres/men help raise
there boys or girls.i never got inbetween
when my husdand got mad at my 3daughters and2sons
and if one of my sons thought they were tough
my husband boxed his ass.and im proud of him for it
by the way all our kids are doing great.one time my son
and said this kid at school pick
on him i told my husband and he go knock the kids
teeth down hi s throat and me and your mother will
back u up.guess what he did and the school said
good and no one messed with him agasin

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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fineally some one makes sense.im in enough trouble with this
conversation.i dont agree with letting said child spit
on the new member of the family personally i would have
grab him by the throat (IM A FEMALE)to let a 5yr old
spit on someone.even as his mother i would
have doped smacked him yes even at five if he spits
on u at 5 by 6 he will be hitting his mother.then what
daddy cant stand it any more and leaves.another
nut job child of divorce will pck up a gun and kill people
but its the guns fault not his or the parents

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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I was not there but when i found out, i torn his behind up and took all his games from him. Yes I'm pregnant with my husband baby.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/27/2014

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no, I do not agree with ANY of your posts, advocating abuse of a 5 year old by a NON PARENT.

Guest - posted on 05/27/2014

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Fear of a new man taking mom away is a HUGE and very common issue for children your son's age. Even if he doesn't literally think the step father is going to physically take you away from him, he can still fear that the step father is going to take your love away--that you will start to love the step father more than you love your son. Of course, as adults, we know this would never happen, but from a 5 year old's perspective, it can be a very real, very terrifying possibility.

The best thing you can do for your son is to invest some time into family therapy. Really, I believe ALL families/ forming families should partake in therapy during major events like this. When new people are added to a family, it can change the entire dynamic of day to day life, and this can be difficult for not only the children to deal with, but for adults as well.

If you cannot manage therapy, here are some tips recommended by family therapists:
Set aside 20 minutes each day to spend with your son--just you and him, no step dad. Do whatever your son wants to do. Just play, no TV, do not answer phone calls or emails, or whatever, just focus on him. Give this time a special name, and try to do it at the same time everyday if you can, but if the time varies that is okay, as long as it happens once a day. If you do miss a day, do double the next day. Explain to him that this is your special time for him, and that after he is in bed, that is your special time for your husband. Explain that you will ALWAYS have this special time, and that step dad is respectful of it and does not interrupt so son needs to be respectful and not interrupt step dad's special time.

Have dinner as a family as often as possible. Play music, but no TV and no cell phones, tablets, laptops, etc, at the table. Discuss your days. Make sure step dad says something positive about your son's contribution to the discussion. If son refuses to talk, just go on without him, do not insist that he talk.

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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you say im trolling.then u agree with me he needs to know
boundries.no offense but u have to be va libtard

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/27/2014

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Jackie is doing nothing but trolling this thread.

OP, if your son is not behaving as he should, try some DISCIPLINE. This is a 5 YO that does not know boundaries.

If you're planning on marrying the man, then I would suggest blended family counseling BEFORE you marry. This may mitigate problems. If he cannot understand that a 5 YO needs his mother still, there are going to be other issues.

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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maybe your husband or other should take a stand .u let a five year old spit
on him and dont let him give him a backhander.that would be the day
when my son at 7 kicked me my husdand beat him
when my girls got into it with me my husband told
them if u bother your mother im going to bother u
if hes 5 stop it now and are u preg with his baby that poor
child better were head protection from this boy sorry its the truth

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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I guess that's u r opinion but I don't baby my son I'm just use to it being us and didn't see what my husband was saying because he 5. I assume he is a child they don't under what they doing all the time but one thing I don't do is baby him..I'm just layer back right now because I'm carrying and I don't need the stress but thanks for u r vivid opinion any way.

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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My son is 5 and he lives with me all his life he stayed with my mother recently when i moved and was trying to get our place furnish and prepare for him to live. My husband is giving up. He angry about it because he don't under why is he in a battle for me with my son. When he tells me something he said I'm blind and I don't listen I put up a defense.

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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That's what my husband says he said I'm milking him still. Things that will happen, i can be sleep my son will get out of bed n come into mine and hold me. My husband let it happen sometimes but my son has his own bed. If my husband and i are playing he will jump in and hit him real hard in his spine or balls or spit on him. He called my son out of his name, and told him to such his stuff. He will leave his room come in ours and play my husband X box and it's whenever my husband and i is spending time with each other. I ask my son do he dislike him he says no that's my step father. I would say so why do you things like that he say he don't mean it he is playing. Others feel my son has a attachment to me more than ever because I'm pregnant. If I'm in the kitchen or bathroom my son comes to check on me. Ask me if i need help to bathe. He's not giving my husband a chance to do anything and he's just five.

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/27/2014

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talking to u is like pulling teeth.i got in enough trouble
because of this subject.again i will say your not
going to marry your son.if he is 5 let ur whatever
teach him or start to teach him about how 2 b
a man.to many kids today are sissy boys because of
motheres like u

Santee - posted on 05/27/2014

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I call him my husband we are soon to be married, I known him for 3 years we been together for two. I love my son but he really thinks he's Goin to take me away and he's only 5. I explain and it's like he still don't understand.

Dove - posted on 05/26/2014

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So much fun when trolls get started...

To the OP: How old is your son? Was he living w/ your mother until recently... or just staying there sometimes? What does your fiance do when your son is acting out?

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/26/2014

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you still wont say what they fight about.im begining to wonder
do u want your son to control your relation ship or are u and your husband
going to be parents.to said child no offense but u cant
keep a child on your nipple for ever.

Jackie8504 - posted on 05/26/2014

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this is just my opinion.u say my husband then u say he has only been in our lives
for 2 years.im lost there.when u say they argue over u please explain in
more detail.but at somepoint who are the parents and who is the child.if u
give him the contril over your new husband rules.there will be resentment
there.and anyother child will not stand a chance.i caught a lot of
heat over this conversation but i am going to stick to my guns
and say this there has to be rules and u and your husdand
have to decide waht there going to be.u are not married to
your son and he will one day leave you.

Santee - posted on 05/26/2014

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He has been in our lives for 2 years, he has tried to connect with him. They were doing fine but than the fighting starting all over again. I believe that's what my son thinks. When he is at his grandmother and I had to work alot. I Don't think he understands I was working and he had to stay with his grandmother so she can get him to school. He recently told his grandmother that he does not want his step father to work because he is going to try and take me away and he won't allow it. I love my husband very much and he there for my son idk what to do.

Ev - posted on 05/26/2014

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Do not do what Jackie said. How long has this man been in your lives? What has he done to get to know your son and has he treated your son like his own child or at least tried to connect with your son in some way or other? You have to consider where this is coming from your son's point of view. If this man has not been around long and it has been you and your son for a while on your own, your son may feel that this man is taking you away from him. Are you giving all your attention to the man in your life? He may feel that you are. You need to find a balance. As for your future husband, if he is also fighting over this, it does not sound good. You need to step back and evaluate what is best for your son. He should come first. I know you want someone to share your life with but at the same time your son needs to feel secure with this match.

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