my son call my exs girlfriend mom

Amber - posted on 12/25/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Okay, well my son is two. And his father and I have been split up since before his 1st birthday. I am now married, and also have a step son. I would never let my husband's son call my momma because it feels wrong. He has a mother and I could never replace her. On the other hand, my son calls my husband daddy. We have tried to talk to him and sometimes he does call him by his first name. He's just too young to understand. But my exs girlfriend constantly has him call her mommy. They hadn't even been dating two weeks and she was saying how much she loved being a mother. I thought I curbed that bullet then, but time could only tell. Theyve been together for quite awhile now and were at our house dropping hunter off, and he said momma! And her and I both said what at the same time. :/ needless to say my heart dropped. I dont know what to do because I know my son doesnt understand, but she's constantly doing things like this. I justs don't want some huge blow up. Any advice?

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Ariana - posted on 12/26/2013

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Arguing usually just makes people more defensive about the issue. If you become aggressive then she'll get her hind legs up and become defensive about it too.

She thinks it's okay for him to call her Mom, you don't. What do we do?

Have you talked to your ex about it? I would tell them how you feel, that it makes you upset when he calls her Mom. You understand she's important, and maybe there is another pet name she can go by. Maybe he could call her 'Mim' or Auntie, or something else. Tante or Zia are Mother in other languages.

This could allow her to continue with her 'mommy' fix while giving you your proper name as well.

Unless you are able to get your ex on your side willing to stop her she probably isn't going to. Giving an alternative helps you and her, she knows she can't just go about being Mama or Mommy (which is you) but she also gets to have her own little pet name.

Have you asked your ex how he'd feel about your son calling your husband Dad? If he says he doesn't like that then tell him that's how you feel about him calling her Mom.

Ev - posted on 12/26/2013

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Amber, talking to the GF and arguing about the child calling her momma is not going to fix the issue. You need to tell his father that he needs to refer to his GF by her name when the child is around her. This way the boy learns over time who she is. But Jodi is right, a lot of kids call women they are very familiar with or know momma even though they are not momma. I work in a preschool and the kids there will call me momma in that age group just because it is what they can say. I care for them therefore I am doing the function of a momma to them. They do not understand this gf/bf stuff we adults are involved in. They do not know the difference in that. To your son, this woman is there when he is and she may care for him in ways that you do, so to him it is like his momma is there. She is not like you and she is not even a step mom to him either. But she is apparently doing the things you do at your ex's home for him. I would not be thrilled if my two kids called their step mom, mom because I am in their lives and all and she does have a name they can use.

Arguments over this are not going to solve the issues. You need to be calm about this. You need to let them know how it makes you feel and let her know she is not his mom and needs a different name for your son to call her.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

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I mean, does she correct him and tell him he must call her mum. That is actively encouraging it. Or does he call her mum and no-one corrects him?

Amber - posted on 12/26/2013

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Yes I have. Several times and we've even argued about it. She just tells me she is just like his mom too and that there's nothing wrong with it.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

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At two, a child will call anyone "momma". My friend's daughter used to call me mummy when I looked after her. It is no slight on you, it is about the way the child perceives the world.

Personally, I think it is wrong to make a child feel guilty about a name they have chosen for someone. Have you actually witnessed her asking him to call her mummy? The chances are it isn't being actively encouraged.

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