My son ends up wetting himself when at school because the teacher says No.

Alison - posted on 09/22/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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There has a couple of times now my son has come home from school where has wet himself because the teacher wouldn't let him go to the toilet. He's only 7 and when he gets the urge to go he needs to go. My partner is going to see his teacher later. Has any 1 else been in this situation??? Thankyou for any replies.

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User - posted on 09/22/2011

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I am a teacher, and have had one incident like you described. Unfortunately, we teachers have a quanundrum: one student will ask to go to the bathroom, then, like dominos, other students will ask to go, too. As a teacher, I am told that I am "too lenient with my hall pass" because I allow children at the end of the day to go to the bathroom before the bus ride home. The teacher is not always the problem, they are doing as told and have to answer to administration. Many times, I tell students to get a doctor's excuse for going to the bathroom. It really works for me. This sounds like what you need. That way, even the administration can not hold the teacher responsible for allowing the student out of class to go to the bathroom.

Denikka - posted on 09/22/2011

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Definitely address the teacher.
I can remember the *5 minutes after break* kids, and it's irritating for the whole classroom. But if it's at an appropriate time, there shouldn't be a problem.
I remember when I was in elementary school. The only time the teacher wouldn't let us go to the bathroom was during actual lessons. Not while we were working, but actually while the teacher was explaining things. After she (grade 1-6 was all female teachers :P) was done talking, we would be allowed to ask.
I do know that some kids were kind of...put on probation. But that's more because they were abusing the bathroom breaks than anything else. I can also remember one teacher putting a system in place where we only had so many *get out of class* cards per week. I think it was 2-3 cards per week. Perfectly reasonable in my mind. Obviously medical conditions were taken into consideration, but if the kid didn't have a medical condition, I don't see why they would have to be running to the bathroom multiple times a day during class anyways.

In the end though, I would tell your son that if he truly needs to go and the teacher won't let him, just go. When you talk to the teacher, you can tell her this. Forcing a child to hold it for so long that they wet or mess themselves is cruelty and torture. And if she is unreasonable when you talk to her, you can tell her that if it happens again, you'll be going straight over her head, as high as needed to get the situation resolved.

Alison - posted on 09/22/2011

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Thankyou Denikka. The problem has now been addressed. The teacher said she didn't remember him saying about it. My partner said it breaks the human rights act etc... I'm happy it's all sorted...

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Jessica - posted on 12/02/2013

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I find this interesting because I do understand children using the restroom for other reasons besides going potty but my 8yr was staying in from recess to finish work b/c he wanted to take his time and do it right and she wouldn't let him go so he peed on himself. I would think administraters would understand that this has a huge effect on a child's work performance and ability to complete work and the personal humiliation and low self esteem effects on a child of such an age. It very well could be damaging. Also the responsibility the school would deal with if it caused a child of any age to have serious infections like my mother had and ended up unable to have children.( I'm adopted) I 'm highly upset with my sons teacher( who I do like) but feel I need to say something

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When I was little I used to get bladder infection after bladder infection and when I needed to go I NEEDED to go. This happened to me twice before my mom went to the school and told the teacher that when I ask to go I need to be allowed for health reasons. Than she explained to me that being able to go when I needed to was good but I shouldn't abuse the privilege by asking when I didn't need too.

Talk to the teacher. Explain the situation.

Alison - posted on 09/22/2011

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Thankyou so much for the replies. They have all been taken on board. My partner has had a chat with the teacher and hopefully it's sorted.

America3437 - posted on 09/22/2011

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I would give him a personal hall pass and tell him to only ask if it is an emergency and if she says no insted of wetting himself just get up and quietly excuse himself to the restroom. If teacher stops him then he should hand her this "hall pass"That would say something to the effect of "insted of my child wetting him self in front of his peers I as MOM give him permission to go to restroom to wet his self"!!!!

Katherine - posted on 09/22/2011

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My mom taught for 35 years and she said that she has never heard of denying a child going to the bathroom. Yes, he should go when he feels it, he shouldn't be holding it until the last minute, but if a kid is wetting themselves because they're being denied the bathroom, that isn't right. Now what you need to figure out is if he is asking all the time to go. Maybe she thinks he doesn't really have to go. You need to go straight to the source.

Michelle - posted on 09/22/2011

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He does need to try and go to the toilet in the breaks but on the other hand the teacher can't deny him going when he tells her he needs to go.
If it's only 5 mins since recess/lunch I can understand the teacher's frustration though. Try and talk to him and let him know that's what recess and lunch breaks are for.

Alison - posted on 09/22/2011

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P.s. He asked just before going to Assembly, So i don't think he missed to much in the way of lessons.

JuLeah - posted on 09/22/2011

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The teacher needs to let him go use the bathroom when he needs to. Also, your son needs to learn to pay better attention to his body and go when he 'kind of ' needs to go and it is an okay time. He needs to learn not to ignore it until the middle of math or something.
But the teacher really ought to be working With him on this - I mean as a team with him to figure out ways to keep it from happening

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