My son is gay

Anita - posted on 07/08/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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WE have recently found out that our second son is Gay , and this has really thrown us for a loop. WE are very religious, which adds to our confusion and concerns.WE have decided that it is our responsibility as parents to love our son, we may not "love" his choices, but we love him. Our family is not so understanding. Many of them don't even want him around. One even thinks her little boy is going to "catch" something from him. Has anyone else had to deal with this situation?

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Cherish - posted on 07/09/2012

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Shawnn-You do not CHOSE to be gay!Being gay has nothing to do with how you have sex..that is ridiculous.It is NOT like dying your hair b/c you "prefer" to be blonde....

~Anita-If your family is that ignorant it is their loss.The feeling is probably mutual on his part,if they can not accept him for who he is,then he probably would rather not waste his time and energy on such foolish ignorance.
I am sad for the boy with the mother who thinks he can "catch" it...how sad it is for him to grow up with such a closed minded,ignorant mother :(

Let me tell you I have family members that are closet racist's,my kids are 1/2 Hispanic,I also have a child with special needs and one that IS gay...I get all kinds of weird,ignorant comments and they do at times push my buttons,But I decided you CAN NOT argue with stupid..Don't even try,it is not worth it.

As far as religion goes...the not "ok" to be gay is more old testament and God gave us Jesus,but EVERY human sins EVERY day(I think I sin constantly)....Your sons relationship w/God is between him and God...

Cherish - posted on 07/09/2012

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Shawnn-
I asked several gay friends and they agree that if he is sleeping with both then he is either Bi or confused.
They said being gay or not is not about sex,it is about relationships..You can have sex w/someone w/out having feelings...So if he loves ONLY men then he is gay,if he loves men and women(like love love not friend love) then he is Bi.
And I never said your brother lied to you...
And yes who cares if people are gay or not?I don't,why would I?Why do people care anyhow?

Anita - posted on 07/09/2012

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Sarah And Krista, thank you for your replies. It has been very eye opening how so many in this world are very judgemental and hateful. It makes me sad for my son, that he has to live with people like that, but I can try my best to make sure he knows we love and support him for who he is, and that it is "others" problem who cannot just leave him ( and the thousands of others) alone to live how they choose.

Krista - posted on 07/08/2012

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I haven't, but my son is still only a toddler, so one never knows.

And you are right -- your responsibility as parents is to love your son. You would love him if he was left-handed, or had brown eyes, or double-jointed little fingers, right? Well, he has no more control over being gay than he would over any of those things - it isn't a choice for him. He just is who he is. If you and your husband support and love him, that will mean the WORLD to him.

And frankly, with regards to that little boy, the only thing he's in danger of catching is his mother's blistering stupidity.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2012

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Ahem, Krista, thanks so much for the lecture...

My CHOICE of words was exactly what I meant to say. Please don't assume to correct me. There are various levels of CHOICE. And, when I say that my brother chose to be homosexual, he did exactly that. HE CHOSE ANAL SEX OVER TRADITIONAL. How do I know? I ASKED HIM.

And, I CHOSE to be heterosexual, rather than bisexual. Get it? I CHOSE. Yes, I like sex with men and women, both, but I CHOOSE men only.

So, in MY situation, it was a choice, rather than not. Sorry if that doesn't fit your little "stereotype". Sorry if my truth is not your truth.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2012

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Well, Cherish, you can ask my brother yourself, if you'd like.



Why must everyone fit into the same mold? Just because he CHOSE sex with men over sex with women? He still has occasional sex with women, but he's more their best friend with benefits than anything.



I love how everyone who knows him agrees that it was his CHOICE, including he, himself, and everyone else in the world is down on him because he doesn't agree that it's something you're born with. See, he made a physical choice. There's a difference, ladies! And so what, if my brother is the only homosexual on earth that chose the lifestyle? Who's business is it?



In reality, who's business is ANYONE'S sexual preference? Certainly not mine, that's for sure.



So, for everyone claiming that my brother lied to me...Do you actually, physically, know him? Have you met? I seriously doubt it. Now, quit lecturing me for posting a statement that, in MY FAMILY is the truth.

Johnny - posted on 07/09/2012

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Anita, I think you are giving your son what he needs to flourish. The love of one's parents can help kids defeat a lot of things. I had a few friends come out in their teens back in the early 90's when it was much more generally taboo. They had a hard time getting the support of families and friends, and religion wasn't even the issue. People did come around eventually, but those that had their parent's support right away faired far better than those that didn't. Personally, I do not associate with people who are as bigoted as the people you are speaking of who wouldn't want to be around him. I can't stand that sort of immorality.

Johnny - posted on 07/09/2012

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Bi-sexual people CAN choose. Homosexual and heterosexual people can not. I'm just attracted to men and there isn't much that's going to convince me to switch over to women, if anything.

Krista - posted on 07/09/2012

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Ahem...Shawnn, if he's gay, that's not his "choice", any more than it's your choice to be straight.

The reason that downthread, I compared being gay to being left-handed, is because it feels like a rather apt description. Can a gay person deny who they are and live as a hetero? Many can, just like many lefties can force themselves to write with their right hand. But it'll always feel awkward and forced and unnatural and just plain WRONG to them. Left-handed kids used to be persecuted by the religious -- whipped and tormented until they wrote with their right hand, because to write with the left was seen as sinful.

Strangely enough, despite it being "God's word", religious folks appear to have changed their minds on left-handedness, no longer viewing it as a sin. And now today, we have religious people who go on and on about homosexuality being a sin, and who claim that gays should try to be "cured", or just live out their lives lonely, alone and abstinent. But why should your son be forced to live a lie, or to die alone and lonely, simply because of someone else's interpretation of an ancient, translated and re-translated text? It's absurd. His being gay isn't hurting anybody at all. And if some of your family members are so judgmental and closed-minded as to put religion ahead of their own flesh and blood, then that is THEIR loss.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/09/2012

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You cannot force your family's choices, Anita.

If they choose not to associate with your son, that's their loss. He doesn't need their negative attitude.

Yes, my brother is homosexual...and its his choice. My kids know, and they give him a hard time about his "alternate self" Tillie, but we're ok with it. He's a great uncle, and brother, so that's what really matters

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/09/2012

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I am so glad to hear your statement "WE have decided that it is our responsibility as parents to love our son, we may not "love" his choices, but we love him.". This makes me feel that you want your son to be happy regardless of his choices or sexual preference. My husband and I have talked in length about how we would handle it if our children were gay, and we are both on the same page, We love them. We don't care if they are gay, straight, bi, or asexual. We just want them to be happy and will support them emotionally any way that we can. My husband comes from a very religious family, and like you, they may not support the "gay" part, they will love and support him,.

The women who thinks you can "catch" gay, well, you don't hang out with her any more even if she is family. If she is that ignorant, you may tell her you don't want to "catch her ignorance and stupidity". You are doing the right thing. Love your son for who he is. If your family isn't, well he is your son and that is more important than worrying what others think.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2012

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My son is still very young, but I'd like to think that if he came to me and told me that he was gay that it wouldn't change the way I love him. I believe in God and go to church, but this is one stance I disagree with. We don't choose who we are attracted to. It is determined by our genes. Just as some people like blondes or some brunettes, some like brown eyes, some blue, some green. Some people are attracted to dark skin, some to light. We can't change who we are, but thank God your son felt secure enough in your love to tell you the truth. If he didn't, he might live his life as a lie. Is that not a sin too? You can't change how anyone else will react to the news, but you can choose how YOU react to it. He's no different than he was yesterday or the day before that or the day before that. He is still your son. Support him. Love him. He's still your son.

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