My son is in prison

Susan - posted on 02/02/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son, Michael, who just turned 32 years 1/15, is married with 2 children... He was sentenced 3/14/14 to 9 years 8 months to state prison. He robbed about 13 banks with a note..I feel so much better when I hear his voice and know that he is ok... I sleep better... Am I suppose to let go... I want to cry just thinking about it....I was talking to him on the phone daily until just recently....

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Dove - posted on 02/02/2015

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Wow... I have to agree entirely w/ Shawnn (that 'never' happens, huh Shawnn? lol)

Your son blew it big time and hopefully he will learn from that and get his stuff straightened out, so that he can be the man his wife and children deserve.... and hopefully if you want any of them in your life you will learn from your mistakes as well.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015

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Susan, as I said, BASED ON WHAT YOU POSTED...Good grief.

So, you basically answered my question. You were asked by your nephew's brother to " invite Nathan's dads, my brother, side of the family to his house for dinner to celebrate Nathan's birthday"...which you did not do, if you did not include your daughter in law and grandchildren. Furthermore, if you are "the one" in charge of invites, etc, you still haven't explained your decision to not include parts of the family, after being requested to include the family.

That being said, and the tone with which you replied tells me the rest. Sorry that your son has seen that you don't wish to communicate with the ENTIRE family...just the ones currently in your favor. Hopefully he can get straight so that he can five his wife and kids the love and family affection that they deserve.

Susan - posted on 02/02/2015

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Shawn, To clarify the party situation... My nephew, Nathan, was being flown out by his brother for his birthday... Their mother died last June and Nathan's father died 13 years ago... I received a message via facebook from Nathan's brother that he would like me to invite Nathan's dads, my brother, side of the family to his house for dinner to celebrate Nathan's birthday...This message was on Monday 1/12....Dinner on the 16th... My son who is in prisons birthday is 1/15 so my younger son and I were going that weekend to visit him...On the 22nd of January it wa my youngest sons birthday... We celebrated at my house on Monday because that is when Amber is off and also my other children... Amber and Michael have been together since they were 12 years old....Amber has never been excluded from family events ... Her parents come to my brothers for Christmas.... So yes I am the one called upon to get in touch with everyone to invite for gatherings....Thank you for your very unwarranted judgemental opinion!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015

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So...have you deleted details here, or are you not filling in on everything, and having multiple posts? Who is "she", and why was "she" not invited to something?

From what I can see from your response to Raye...you apparently have decided to stop communicating with your son's spouse while he is incarcerated, and he's upset (probably rightfully so) about that. Why would you cut off communication with your son's spouse, when you have grandchildren in the picture? Why would you not want that part of the family included in family events? And whose place was it to invite her? You, or the mother of the nephew?

I'd have to say, just based on your OP of your son not speaking to you since he was incarcerated, and your response to Raye about some mysterious "she" that was left out of communications...You may be overstepping your boundaries in a few areas, if you are arbitrarily cutting off contact with people and then complaining about lack of communication, and if you're deciding the guest list for events that you are not in charge of...Not to mention the fact that you then showed up to visit your son and questioned why his wife and children would be visiting...Really? You actually asked your daughter in law what she was doing visiting her husband? And the kids? Seriously?

Wow.

I'd imagine that your son is tired of seeing his spouse disrespected, and he's tired of that treatment. If he can pull his sorry ass together (No one 'accidentally' robs 1 bank, let alone 13 or more) and get out of prison to help raise his children, then be supportive of that, but if you don't feel that you can, or you don't feel that you can treat his wife and family as part of YOUR family...perhaps it would be best to let the situation lie.

Susan - posted on 02/02/2015

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I know this sounds childish but I didn't invite her to my nephew's birthday party 50 miles from here... I knew she was working and no one from this area was going... So when my son asked me why she wasn't invited that was what I told him... Then he said his kids could of gone... But I told him I wasn't going so I couldn't have taken my grandchildren....I let my daughter in law know that Michael had asked me about it and let her know the reason....So I hadn't heard from my son or my daughter in law, who lives a mile from me for a week... I had a free Saturday and drove 200 miles to visit my son to talk about what the issue is.... Surprisingly his wife and my grandchildren were there....I did ask why Amber didn't let me know she was coming on a Saturday, she usually goes Sunday.... Well the conversation went down hill from there and I was only left feeling like a fool...

Raye - posted on 02/02/2015

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Does he feel remorse for his crimes? If not, then maybe you should let go. You will keep getting hurt all over again. If he is genuinely sorry, then you should try to help him. It will be a difficult road for him, and he will need support to stay on the straight and narrow path of what is right. Why did you stop speaking daily?

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