My son is mastering the art of tantrums !

Charlie - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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So my son is 11 months old he is mastering the art of throwing a tantrum .
Any tips for handling this ??

Do not say spank or anything else similar i will not even entertain the thought .
any other advice is most welcome .
Thank you .

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Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Quoting Loureen:

He has tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants eg, i wont let him into the cupboards or out the front door.
The thing is he just keeps throwing the tantrums even when i ignore him it just continues and he follows me and screams , still i ignore it .

he gets so worked up and doesnt know how to stop , should i just keep ignoring him until he eventually stops even if it takes forever ?


I would say yes. Because the more you give in, he will realize, "Ok so if I cry hard enough and long enough Mom will eventually give in," So the next time he throws a tantrum he will cry harder and longer until you give in once again. I think just establishing that you will not put up with him throwing tantrums is the key. Another thing that might help is just getting his attention onto something else. Say I take away my brush that my daughter picked up and she starts screaming and throwing her body around. I will Start to sing 'itsy bitsy spider' really loud and happily or I will get down on the ground and start playing with one of her toys until she sees me and wants to join. Just get his attention on to something else, they have very short attention spands and if you just get it on something else it will pass and they will forget why they were crying in the first place, just don't pick him up or say Momma's sorry. Pretend it never happened. 

Charlie - posted on 10/02/2009

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He has tantrums when he doesnt get what he wants eg, i wont let him into the cupboards or out the front door.

The thing is he just keeps throwing the tantrums even when i ignore him it just continues and he follows me and screams , still i ignore it .



he gets so worked up and doesnt know how to stop , should i just keep ignoring him until he eventually stops even if it takes forever ?

[deleted account]

Depends why shes having a tantrum to how I react (although Lily learnt the art of tantruming VERY early!) If its something that is based on a need that I just cant meet at that time then I will either cuddle or distract her. If its just because she isnt allowed something she wants (like chewing a power cable) than I ignore it for a little while then try redirecting her once she is calming down.



My neices are older so I tell them I wont talk to them until they calm down and then walk away. My sister uses time out for tantrums and my friend uses redirection - I havent used time out and wont just use redirection because that still reinforces tantrum = attention (just my opinion though).

Jodi - posted on 10/02/2009

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Congratulations Loureen, and welcome to the toddler years, LOL :)



At that age they are just starting to learn about their world and get into things they shouldn't. It's their way of learning, but suddenly, there are boundaries!!! Mummy is saying no I can't have that!! I'm assuming they are the tantrums you are talking about :)



I used to make very clear that the tantrum behaviour was not ok (i.e. no, or that's enough) and then walk away and ignore them. Once they realise the tantrums aren't going to get your attention or what they want, they try the next thing!! It does get difficult when they follow you with the tantrums though. Taylah used to follow me from room to room and throw her tantrum. But I just kept turning away from her and not responding. She got the message eventually, but that girl is very stubborn!

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Ayls - posted on 01/16/2013

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My son is similar age as yours, and when he is having some tantrums, I try to know what causes his frustration. When he throws things, I tell him that it is bad to do such things, so he would know the difference. It really takes a lot of patience, to deal with these things, but it helps me a lot to keep calm, and take a deep breath first before reacting.

Jodi - posted on 10/03/2009

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Loureen, the rule is one minute for every year of age, so go for 1 minute, and yes, if they escape, you have to restart the time :) I found time out didn't go so well at that age, the stern "no" with an shake of the head used to work for me, and then, as others have said, try redirecting to another activity. But I think it depends on the personality of the child too, mine are different as to how I've dealt with discipline. My son, you only had to slightly raise your voice and he will behave, my daughter, you can't raise your voice at her because she screams back - instead a very low soft but firm voice works best to get her attention and she doesn't start screaming. I know it sounds weird, but it has really been a lot of trial and error to find the right things for each of them. My son doesn't like it when I'm upset at him, so to him a raised voice means I am upset. My daughter, she likes to push whatever buttons she can, and a raised voice means I am uspet, so that works for her, she won!!



And then, they go through the next phase and you have to trial all over again!!!!

Charlie - posted on 10/03/2009

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How long should i place him in time out for ?
If he tries to " escape " it do i put him back and restart or just keep to the same time?

[deleted account]

My daughter throws more tantrums then I care to admit and we do the three step system. In your case it would be a two step system because of your train of thought. Basically you do the following:



1. Redirect and say: "When you are done we will play this game or do this activity."



2. Time outs! They work wonders!



When my daughter was that age I would do the redirect route but when she wouldn't have that we would place her in time out and ignore her cries. Thus taking away her audience and removing ourselves from that situation. The time outs never lasted longer then 2 minutes before we would try the redirect approach again.



Now we are onto a three step system because she has out grown our the two steps above but Time outs still work as she gets to see her friends or cousins having fun while she cannot because she threw a tantrum.

Brenda - posted on 10/02/2009

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he is, trying you to see what you'll do. Do'nt pay any attention to him, he'll grow out of it.

[deleted account]

The other thing I have learnt is that the reason they're screaming changes (very handy when Lily started the tantrums in her first couple of months) so if they start screaming in a tantrum and work themselves into genuine upset then I give them a cuddle and offer them something (usually a drink) to try and help them calm themselves. I think you can learn the difference between (most) tantrum cries and genuine ones - if it crosses into a genuine cry then they are usually past the point of being capable of calming themselves and need a little assistance (although not too much or it may make it harder for them to learn to do it themselves later).



Hahah - when they are blatantly trying to defy you we have also warned them that we have bigger lungs and more years practice than them - they never believe you until you give them a quick demo which shocks them out of their tantrum too (although cant use this one too often or shock factor goes out the window) .... this is actually quite entertaining to see them react to as well ;)

Kylie - posted on 10/02/2009

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I think all you can really do at this age is redirect his attention, My LO screams and squeels the house down if things don't go his way but if i pick him up or show him something interesting or do something silly he quickly forgets what he was screaming about. I think ignoring tantrums in children 2 years and up works but i don't know about babies..i don't think they can fully understand..they want what they want and don't really have the communication skills to tell you, so screaming and chucking a wobbly is the next best thing. Redirection works for me anyway....

Charlie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Yes Cassie !! Cooper throws himself on the floor too flat out and flails his arms and legs , its only a new thing he has discovered and while my fiance is away it has been extra hard on me .

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Quoting Lydia:

Depends why shes having a tantrum to how I react (although Lily learnt the art of tantruming VERY early!) If its something that is based on a need that I just cant meet at that time then I will either cuddle or distract her. If its just because she isnt allowed something she wants (like chewing a power cable) than I ignore it for a little while then try redirecting her once she is calming down.

My neices are older so I tell them I wont talk to them until they calm down and then walk away. My sister uses time out for tantrums and my friend uses redirection - I havent used time out and wont just use redirection because that still reinforces tantrum = attention (just my opinion though).


My daughter learned very early to throw tantrums also! around four months she would throw her body around and cry until she got her way. Lets just say she got over that soon. Ignoring them works wonders!

Cassie - posted on 10/02/2009

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I have found that ignoring my daughter when she throws a tantrum is the best solution. She wants to get a reaction out of me and when she doesn't get it she is puzzled. The more you do it, the more he will understand that throwing a tantrum will get him no where. Whatever you do don't give in. It just shows them that if they push hard ebough they will get their way. Stand your ground. Good luck!

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