Beth - posted on 12/07/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
Let me start by saying, my children's biological has was in jail for 8 years and released 2 years ago. Before he went to jail and we were together he certainly wouldn't have won the father of the year trophy, he would have even placed in the top 100. Yeah, it was that bad. Even still, I have always wanted them to have a relationship with their father and to know where they came from. Although, now, I am rethinking this for multiple reasons. One of them being that we have 4 children together and he only wants to take one of them at a time. Which, I mean come on. Then, he will call a lot of times at the very last minute to cancel on them or just not show up at all, and of course they get upset and get there feelings hurt. He also wants to spend more time with my 13 year old son then he does with the rest. He will pick him up on Friday after work and won't bring him home until Sunday, and only after I call and tell him he has to bring him home. The other children, however, he will pick up late on Saturday morning and bring back early on Sunday, normally, before noon. So of course, my other children start complaining that their dad doesn't love them as much as he loves Michael and that he wants to spend more time with him. So, this time I put my foot down and told him that he can't pick my 13 year old up on Friday that he will have to get him on Saturday the same way he does the other children. He tries to give me this run around that it is more convenient for him to pick him up on friday because he has something to do early Saturday. I told him "oh well, I don't know what to tell you. You are not picking him up tonight. You are hurting your other kids feelings." So his reply is that it doesn't matter what they think we are the parents and we make the decisions and if it is more convenient for me to pick him up now then that's between us and what they have to say or how they feel about the situation shouldn't matter. Needless to say, he a little mad because I told him it's Saturday or not at all.
He did end up picking him up on Saturday and dropping him off on Sunday after I called him and told him to bring him home. Problem is once my son walked through the door he was mean and hurtful to everyone in the house. I asked him what was wrong with him and why he was being so mean to everyone. He said, "Well maybe its because I didn't want to come home yet. It's not like I get to see him a lot." I told him that I was sorry he doesn't get to see his dad as much as he likes but that it is not our fault and he should not come home with an attitude and take his anger out on everyone in the house.
I don't understand whats going on, he is normally a very sweet and loving child and never disrespectful, but when he came home this weekend he was a completely different child and wouldn't even kiss me goodnight or goodbye when he left for school. I feel like he maybe talking to my child about things he shouldn't be discussing with him or like he is trying to turn him against me. I don't know what to do. There is no order saying that I have to let him see my children and no judge in his right mind would even grant him visitation I am sure. Basically he sees them at my discretion. And I don't want to keep them away from him but I feel like it is causing them more harm mentally then it is doing them good. I am so lost does it make me a bad mom if I keep my kids away from him. Will my kids end up hating me in the long run? or do I just leave things the way they are and let them see the type of person he is for themselves? Which is becoming increasingly more difficult because of course my first instinct is to protect my children and right now all I want to do is keep them away form him, I have even considered packing up and leaving our home and moving to another state just to get them away form him. Please Help...