My son is most likely going to jail and his pregnant girlfriend is in our home!

Kim - posted on 12/18/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I don't know where to turn. My son, who is probably going to jail, has a son that is 18 months old, and has another girlfriend pregnant now and she is due soon. He is living at my home, mostly because we want to see the little 18 month old as often as possible to make sure everything is ok. This latest girlfriend started helping take care of the first grandbaby during the day because we all had to work, then as time passed, just moved in! I feel uncomfortable in my own home, I am angry, and I really just don't want the responsiblity of a newborn again. It is almost as if the day she got pregnant, she decided that she was too fragil to work, and has not done so since. My son is probably going to jail in a few weeks. I don't want to seem cold, but I've already done this once, and cannot bear to do it again....please give me your suggestions. I am at the end of my rope.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/18/2012

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well, at this point, you're going to be seen as evil for kicking her out, but you really should have put your foot down BEFORE allowing her to move in. Does your son pay you rent? Room and board? Contribute anything to the household? If not, then she is trespassing in your home. If so, then she is his guest, and you can continue to charge her rent when he's in jail.

However, I'd be more concerned with how these poor children are going to be supported? Apparently he's not learned how to be a responsible adult, if he's still living with you, and you are supporting him, and helping him care for his first child while the second is on the way. (Actually, I read this as YOU are caring for the first kid, and HE is doing nothing except for being such an upstanding citizen that he's going to jail)

Now, don't get me wrong, I know that good people do make poor choices, some that end them up behind bars. However, from the sounds of your post, he's not ever really been a responsible person, if you've already started to raise one grandchild, and there's another one (with a different momma) on the way. If you do not stand firm now, you may as well start planning on how you're going to take care of 2 kids (and at least one baby momma) while he's doing his duty to society for whatever he did.

Personally, I'd have removed the female in question from my home until I was scientifically certain that the bun in the oven was actually my blood grandchild. I'd also have a test done on the older one to make sure that one was biologically related as well. And then, if their "mothers" don't want to raise them properly, you can pursue custody and support for both children on the basis that you've already done most of the raising of the oldest, and the one on the way's "mother" has been nothing but a sponge. However, unless you plan on raising all of the children that your son creates, (and you've already said that you really don't want to do that) you need to stand your ground, kick them both out, accept that by doing so, you may not see the older child as often or at all, and tell him that when he's figured out how to be a responsible adult, he's welcome, but until then you cannot continue to support his irresponsibility.

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Kim - posted on 12/18/2012

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Thanks, I know that I need to change this situation significantly. And, as for Mommy #1, she usually can only do about 3-4 days a week, then the baby comes here. I'll know soon enough. Thanks for the reply, it's helpful to know that what I know I need to do is what most others see that I need to do as well. :O

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