My son is on drugs

Nicci - posted on 01/09/2016 ( 32 moms have responded )

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Hi. My son was arrested this morning for drinking and driving and possession of drugs.
He has been locked up and I am not bailing him out.
Am I doing the right thing

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Sarah - posted on 01/10/2016

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Of course you were told the outcome would be much worse without a private attorney and I never said that it is a bad idea to hire one. If you've not worked with a PD then you don't know what the outcome would have been. I am only saying that the PD is reasonable way to start and if the outcome is not looking favorable you can seek a private attorney, but if you can save yourself hundreds if not thousands of dollars, give the PD a chance.

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2016

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You do pay them, with your taxes. You can always opt for new council if things are not going well. But if this is a first time offender, it is reasonable that a PD can adequately represent him. Certainly they have high caseloads and won't have time to put a personal touch to his case, I agree with that. But the PD do work every single day in criminal court, and they are defenders for a reason.

American - posted on 01/09/2016

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Well I DAMN sure ain't trusting someone I don't pay to do what's in the best interest of my child's future. Yes they work with the DA and judges every day but they just don't have time to invest in the best interest of your child. Either way good luck and I will pray for your family.

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American - posted on 01/10/2016

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My apologies to Nicci. You are in my opinion doing the right thing I hope it all works out for your son. I will pray for God to give you courage and strength to get through this. Good luck.

Nicci - posted on 01/10/2016

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Ladies thanks so much for all the posts but I really think you both have gone way off the subject and this has become a bickering session.
I asked for advice, help and morale support on my sons situation.

American - posted on 01/10/2016

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"My kids have never faced ten year sentences, in fact have never been trouble at all. So it doesn't really matter to me. "



If it doesn't really matter to you then why even respond to the post in the first place.
My son has NEVER been in trouble and neither have my other two. I have to say unless you've been in our situation then really how could you possibly understand? There is a whole lot of corruption in every DA office because this world is controlled by money.

Sarah - posted on 01/10/2016

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Fine, but you cannot say for certain what the outcome would have been with a PD. You didn't use one. To say a private attorney has more bargaining power with the DA, implies that the DA is biased or potentially corrupt. My kids have never faced ten year sentences, in fact have never been trouble at all. So it doesn't really matter to me. I do know many prosecutors and defenders and find them to be quite committed to the best outcome for each client. Ultimately the decision is up to the judge regardless of the attorney representing the client. Not the DA, private attorney or PD. To each there own.

American - posted on 01/10/2016

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Have had past experience and I stand by what I said......I sure the hell ain't gonna trust my child's future with someone who is just another case. They get little pay and are way overloaded with cases. Yes you could start out with one but I didn't and am glad or my son would be in prison for 10 yrs right now. I guess to each their own. The DA told me the only reason he wasn't sending my son to prison was because of who his attorney was. She is well respected and offered my son the choice and a PD that she works with often and even did second hearing for free so it did cost me close to four thousand but it was well worth it.

American - posted on 01/09/2016

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I know exactly how you feel but if you bail him out you are enabling him. Stand strong. I dId visit twice a week till he got very disrespectful three weeks ago and I haven't been back but I will be there to pick him up when he gets out.

Nicci - posted on 01/09/2016

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It his second day at the police station and I am so heart broken. I feel lie the worst mother eve!!

American - posted on 01/09/2016

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Still like you just said yourself....Certainly they have high case loads and won't have time to put a personal touch to his case.

That is exactly why I hired a private attorney! Was told if it wasn't for who his attorney was he would have done 10 years and yes it was his first offense and had NEVER been in trouble a day in his life.

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2016

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I disagree with the attorney issue. PD know the system and the programs will and they know the judges and the prosecutors as well. True, a PD may not be as motivated to get your son the best deal, but he will know the options and the ins and outs of the system. If your son has a PD and you don't think it is going well, like he will for sure have a permanent conviction, then you may want to get a private attorney. If this is the first time you son is in trouble, then he will be able to take advantage of first offender options. Keeping convictions off his record is the goal for successful future employment. These programs usually require treatment, long term probation and lots of community service hours. If he can successfully complete the program the charges get dismissed, but if he blows it he will end up serving time and have the conviction on his record.

American - posted on 01/09/2016

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Btw.....Thank you ladies for helping me deal with and accept the fact they are adults and should be held accountable for their actions! You know who you are. Honestly ladies you have helped me stand strong and handle this as an adult not a defensive heart broken mom. I am forever grateful.

American - posted on 01/09/2016

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I see he is twenty. Sorry my kindle said 0 responses. As far as hearings go it usually is about thirty days between court dates. He is getting a place to sleep and three meals a day. He is an adult and has to answer for his own mistakes. Trust me my 19 yr old is serving 120 days and ladies are right at least we know where they are. There are a lot more drugs in jail than you may think. I would hire an attorney if funds can be made for the cost but it is easier for your son to get some help cause the private usually have good working relationships with prosecutors and judges. If not for private attorney my son would be doing 10 years. Public defenders just don't have time to make proper defensive due to case loads. Private attorneys are expensive but in my opinion well worth it.

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2016

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At the bail hearing, the charges will be reviewed and the judge will set bail. If he has the money, he can post his own bond and be out in a few hours. The judge will set provision, like he can't leave the state, he must not drive, he must have a drug and alcohol evaluation. If he does not do those things, he can have his bail revoked and will be held in jail until the trial or he works out a plea deal with the state. If he can't raise the money, and you don't pay the bail, he will be held in jail until the next court date. At the next court date, usually a week or so later, the judge will ask him if he has the money to hire an attorney. If he can't pay for a lawyer the public defender will be appointed to represent him. The public defender can meet with him in jail to discuss the case and help him work out a plea. It is not likely he will be sent to prison if this is his first offense.
Right now, the safest place for him is in jail. You know where he is and you know he can't use drugs or drink. Do not let him move in with you unless he goes to rehab and will agree to random drug tests and prove his trustworthiness.

Dove - posted on 01/09/2016

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I wouldn't let him live w/ me unless he was willing to go to rehab and get totally clean. I will always love my kids, but I will never condone or enable drug use.

Nicci - posted on 01/09/2016

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Thanks Dove. Its the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
My other concern is he stays with his father as we separated. I am not able to manage him with his moods and temper, do you think I should let him come stay by me. Would it help him

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2016

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He can ask for a public defender to represent him. You don't need to hire a lawyer. If he lives with you, you have an edge. At the bail hearing, the judge will ask where he will be living if he is released on bail. You can tell the judge you will not allow him to reside with you and request the court order he go to rehab. If he is given a bail amount, don't pay it.

Dove - posted on 01/09/2016

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The judge might require rehab in place of (or in addition to) jail time.... especially if it's a first legal offense and the lawyer pushes for it. You can't MAKE him stop, of course... it has to be his choice, but maybe if faced w/ jail or rehab... he'll make a good one.

Sorry! I can't imagine how hard this is for you right now. ♥

Nicci - posted on 01/09/2016

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I have tried to get him to rehab but in denial says he doesn't have a drug problem

Dove - posted on 01/09/2016

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Oh yeah... definitely doing the right thing. If you can afford it I would possibly help pay for a lawyer and push for rehab... but it's up to him to deal w/ the consequences of his illegal actions.

Nicci - posted on 01/09/2016

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He is 20 years old. As soon as he drinks he has to take drugs. I suspect he has been taking drugs now for abt 3 months.
That is my concern he will only be out on Monday, for a court hearing

Sarah - posted on 01/09/2016

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Absolutely. To bail him out is to enable his behavior. Facing legal consequences is sometimes the only way some people will change their behavior. Has his bail even been set yet? How old is he? Is he addicted to drugs or alcohol? If it is the weekend he may not have a bail hearing until Monday.

Dove - posted on 01/09/2016

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How old is he?

Without knowing a lot of details I would say... yes, you are doing the right thing. Hopefully he will learn from his mistakes and realize the severity of the consequences of his decisions before he ends up killing himself or someone else. If any of my kids ever drove drunk I certainly wouldn't bail them out either.

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