My son is struggling with separation and father won't consent to counselling - help?

Bernice - posted on 09/27/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )





I'm looking for any experience mom's have had with children with anxiety. My son just turned seven. His dad and I split about 15 months ago. My son was truly happy when we moved, we have a nice home, he has many friends in the neighborhood and we moved to a place where he can still go to the same school and daycare. He never really cared to spend much time with his dad. We are in the middle of court which won't be done for at least a few months depending on where that goes.

His dad has been pushing a shared parenting 50/50 arrangement and has continually put our son in the middle with filling his head with comments like "I'm not your father" (because guardianship was being questioned), "your mom is taking you away from me", "your mom makes me miserable", "I may not see you for a long time", etc. etc.

My son is becoming more withdrawn - less smiling and happiness in his heart. We have always had a very strong bond and I feel that he thinks I am disappointing him by making him go to his dad's.

On the day his dad takes him to daycare and I am picking him up, there is a pattern that he is faking sick because he knows the school will call me and he has told me then he can spend the day with me. He is very clingy when he comes home from his dad's and I spend alot of time with him as always, but he wants me to be beside me all the time, he wants to hold my finger so that I come with him. I know 50/50 is not going to work because his dad doesn't really care about his son, it's about not paying child support. He is also a control freak and continues to try to manipulate our son to try and hurt me.

I want our son to go to counseling, but his father won't consent. I am going to try to do it by getting a doctor's referral, but may get in trouble for it in court. I am so worried that my son is going to never come back to his happy, funny, smiley self and that the more time he spends with his father, the worse it is going to get. Any advice on how I should handle this with my son? Any advice on what I should bring into court case? I have a lawyer, but here in Alberta, they all same the same thing,,, if he wants 50/50 he will get it in most cases and my son is too young to have input.


Dove - posted on 09/27/2012




I can't help with the custody issue, but if you get the doctor referral... give a copy to your lawyer to present to the judge. I don't know Canada laws at all, but generally speaking... if one parent is hindering a child's medical care (which counseling IS) the court will over rule them and approve the care. I'm sure there are exceptions, but it's worth a shot. Especially if you can prove that it is in the emotional well being of your son to go to counseling.

Good luck!

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