My son is two and a half,and he doesn't talk yet.

Nikita - posted on 07/15/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Should i be concerned? I didnt have a concern till my ex inlaws pointed it out. He knows how to swim, well with a life jacket. He shows me what he wants by taking me to what he wants, the fridge, cupboards. grabbing shoes, when he wants to go outseife or life jacket for a swim. Brings me my shows as well. He used to copy my mom when she sang like mumbling the tune. Then he just stopped. When he watches shows he remembers jingles right away and dances to them. So i never really though his lack of talking or no talking at all was an issue.

He just got back from a visit with the ex in laws and they said he's autistic. I just felt that he was taking his time learning. Now i'm constantly wondering if he is. He stares off into space once in awhile. But is it wrong for a child to do so? Hes always kind of done it.

I got upset but didnt show it as they barely see him and they dont know of how bright he is. The feedback i got back was basically there is something wrong with my son. I broke down crying and got kind of upset with his dad when he phoned. They suggested that he should be around more kids. Which i have tried doing. Also he doesn't really like being around other kids he tends to play alone. I've noticed he doesn't know how to react to kids his age. They are either mean and or he just like to go off on his own. My ex's family are telling me he needs to be around other kids and i do bring him to playgrounds and play lands. He has fun and plays but he wants to leave right away. They also know the strain i am having financially and its summer and most free programs only run in the fall to spring. I cant afford other programs right now. I got upset. As i am raising my son on my own and alone. They are wealthy, VERY wealthy and don't help me. They have sent me a box of diapers four shirts and have only seen him three times since he was born. I have stressed about programs i wanted to put him in and asked for help to get him a zoo pass, or just for a little help.

I'm stressed financially and now even more stressed thinking about how i can get him into a early childhood program and how i can afford it if my son is autistic. My nephew is autistic but has a extreme case of it. I looked it up and cant find a definite explanation why my son isn't talking. I really do read and talk with him. . He sits there and looks through books as if he is reading them.

I just feel like i'm doing something wrong. I also moved from home and into a city where i dont know anybody so having friends over with kids wouldn't be an option..Hurry up fall! so we can get into some free programs.

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Mary - posted on 07/18/2013

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Nikita, first of all relax. Your son doesn't speak first because he's home alone and you don't encourage him to talk. Don't take me wrong, it's just a mistake some of us make as mothers. Our children start pointing and we go get whatever it is, we understand what the child wants so the child doesn't really need to develop the skill.
Tha fact that your in laws and ex don't see him often is a blessing for you because if they don't help you out means they haven't won the right to be more involved, but keep in mind, since they don't see him often is easier for them to notice, critize, point out, and mention things you won't realize because you live with your son. Now to go ahead and diagnose your child as autistic is not the right path.
Your child needs you because you are really the caretaker, the mother and father and you are the one doing everything in your power to give him a better life. Talk to your pediatrician but you need to insist to see a especialist. I don't know if you can afford that but most public schools have the service for children regardless of age, to evaluate and then take you and your son in teh right direction. If your son happens to be autistic or diagnosed with a delay, take it from there. Stressing out is not going to help your son which is what matters regardless of the outcome.
Congratulations for being a single mom and caring for your son, I wish you the best of luck, and once again, don't take your ex and in laws comments so personally and as a way to hurt you, try to think they don't mean to hurt you but to help your son

Preeti - posted on 07/16/2013

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Dear Nikita,

Does your son makes eye contact with you? From your description, its evident that your son's non-verbal expression is okay, he points at objects, shows emotions whereas autistic children have deficits in non-verbal communication too. How he reacts when you call him? Does he responds by coming towards you, or looking at you? If he does, he may just be having delayed speech: usually autistic children do not respond/ show emotions and do not like being held. As for friends, children under three usually like solo play: they may imitate others but may not play cooperative games, though a few may.
However, there is nothing wrong in getting an evaluation done.

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Mila - posted on 07/18/2013

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hi you should sing more to him,read more and make him repeat thing with you .some kids take longer than other ,but if you feel uncomfortable talk to his Dr.good luck.

Danielle - posted on 07/18/2013

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I can't help but wonder what experiances these mothers have with Autism that makes them knowledgable of the condition.
The lack of eye contact is another myth! Your child can make eye contact, and can still be autistic. My son makes eye contact when he needs something. So to say that say that individuals with Autism cannot make eye contact is flawed.
Only you know your child. If you're concerned, and feel that the issues your inlaws mentioned are worth the follow up then Do It.
Again, I would strongly recommend doing more research on Autism so you have a better idea if your child falls into this category.

Shaima - posted on 07/18/2013

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My dear

Relax, speech delay does not mean he has autism. Nowadays, most boys do not speak as early as they should. My son is 28 months and still doesn't speak except few words.
As long as the child is making eye contact, do not worry. I checked with a pediatrician and he told me that.
Also the fact that he's alone and has no brothers or sisters is one of the reasons.

My advice is for you to send him to a daycare he will interact with kids and develop more skills
Pediatricians say that up to 3 years, the child especially boys might not speak well. After 3 they should... So relax sweetie and don't worry if you notice he listens and responds to voices around him it means his ears are ok and you can just give him time and provide a healthy environment for him to develop skills

Danielle - posted on 07/17/2013

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I would strongly suggest taking him to be evaluated.
Everything you've mentioned in your OP may suggest he is Autistic.
You mentioned that he isn't talking, that he has regressed, that he prefers to play alone, and doesn't like crowds, hums and recites songs..
DO NOT WAIT AND SEE!
I hate when I see mothers give that as an option!
I don't want to call Preeti out, but everything she is saying is myth, and can vary from each individual with Autism, and by reading your post your son IS showing red flags in my book for Autistic behaviour.
My son is 5, and has Moderate to Severe Autism. He was saying words and then regressed. He could still grab my hand and pull me to what he wanted. He would, and still does, recite and hum stories and songs. He smiles, and likes to be hugged.
It is crucial that you seek early intervention if your child is Autistic. Early intervention is key!
We waited, and postponed getting our son into programs because we were in denial and thought he'd just catch up. It is one of my biggest regrets. We first had to get his ears checked to make sure it wasn't a hearing issue. Then we took him to a Speech Pathologist, and Occupational Therapist, and then we were stuck on a waitlist for over 6 months before he qualified for early intervention Pre-K. Then it was another 6 months for a proper diagnosis.
Even if you get him evaluated and they determine that he isn't Autistic, then you can rest easy knowing that he isn't.
I would suggest you do more research into Autism. It is a wide spectrum disorder and the severity can fluctuate with each individual. In order to be classified with Autism a person must have difficulty with communication, socialization, and repetitive behaviour. From what you've described he has two of those qualities.. to what severity you don't mention. If he isn't ridged with certain toys or schedules, then he may be PDD-NOS (Which means that he falls under two of the above categories, but not all three).

If you would like to chat more, feel free to PM me. Also, good luck and take a deep breath. Everything will work out.

Preeti - posted on 07/16/2013

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Dear Nikita,

From all the description you have given, your son is not showing any indication of autism. He started saying something when he was 1 and half and then again lost that skill: it is just the way they develop; at times they may be more geared towards mastering one skill (speech) and then they may start focusing on other skills (motor skills). My friend's son had started saying mama, papa when he was just 1; he could also hum some tunes and then he stopped .....he is now 3 and is again humming and singing.
Also some children have very wide vocabulary as they are exposed to many books, rhymes, stories and there is less repetition of same words/ phases etc: they have to complete a wider circle before they speak in sentences, whereas children who hear repetitive words and phases ( such as Call your dad, say thank you, say hello to aunt.....) may learn sentences earlier through imitation.

I would suggest you should be calm and happy: that is the best thing that you can do for your child. I can understand as a mom you love your son very much and even if he does come across any developmental problem, your love will help get the best out of him.
Our parents, in laws and many other people tend to have very preconceived and faulty notions about 'normalcy' Whereas all our children like us have different personalities: some are shy in front of other, some are talkative and boisterous; some are anxious in any unknown place while others are exited to explore....some speak only in front of close friends and parents. If we were growing our children in rural, non-industrialized societies, people would not have even bothered to think about slight variations but we tend to evaluate everything under micro-scope.

Thus, as long as your son seems to be happy, physically active and healthy: don't worry. If he is unhappy/ inactive: then too worrying will serve no purpose, you may just have to address issues one by one. (sorry for such a long response but hope it helps)

Loads of love,

Preeti

Nikita - posted on 07/16/2013

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Pretti Lodi,
He does make eye contact with me and with almost everyone. He has a wide range of facial expressions. Its actually kind of funny some of the faces he does to me when i tell him No or that hes going to break something. He will stand straight and frown and kinda baby talk at me like hes giving me heck. When i call him he stops whatever hes doing and looks at me. If a show he likes is on he will ignore me, but i think a lot of kids do that. He knows his name, i did at one point tell his dad that we really should start calling him by his name. Because he calls him Muffin, I call him sweetie pie. My mom calls him deedums. His name is Solace. lol But he still responds to us when we call for him.
I figured he was just taking his time but what about the staring off into space? I breast fed so he would just lay on me and just stare at me or stare off at something. I figured that was what was happening. He was just day dreaming. But i should get an evaluation done.
The other thing too is that when he was 1 and a half it seemed like he was talking and responding to me. I don't know if it was a fluke now. When i would give him some fruit or juice. He would look at it and put it down and would sound like he said "No good!" Or he would cry for mom mom, or it would sound like he was saying, "this..this" when he wanted something. Sometimes we would be just talking with him, and he would have a condescending "Yeah" after we're done talking to him. But now he says nothing. Last night we were watching Thomas and friends and he was trying to sing it but its like the words just dont want to come out and he just mumbles. I was stressed but i'm starting to feel a lot better.

I think the ex inlaws have to understand that they rarely come around. So of course hes going to act differently then he does with me. Its on weighing on my mind now so i will look up places to get him evaluated today.

Megan - posted on 07/16/2013

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Nakita,
First sending you a super big hug! You are not going to stop stressing until you have your son evaluated...you can request a free developmental assessment through your state department of health. just google your states name and department of health.

Also, you need some friends with kids where you live now. There are fantastic FREE meet-up groups in every city. http://moms.meetup.com/ Find a group- there are single mom groups, go to some free meetups. The chance to be with moms and share your concerns will help lessen your stress.

Also, please consider joining a local church. Go to the priest or pastor, introduce yourself and share your concerns. Pray ... God loves you and your sweet son. Prayer will give you strength and peace. There are many programs out there sponsored by church groups... maybe just a mommy and me group but stop trying to handle everything on your own. Reach out... for yourself and your son.

I am praying for you. Hope you feel the hug.

Rebecca - posted on 07/16/2013

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Dear Nikita, you are under so much stress. I'm praying for you now. You cannot know whether your son is autistic unless you have a professional diagnosis. So, I would suggest you talk to your doctor about your concerns. Just not knowing will be really causing a lot of stress for you, so get some expert advice. You may find out that there is not a problem at all, or you may need to take it further; either way it is a positive step forward for you and your son.

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