My son Joseph passed away

Tanya - posted on 02/27/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hello
Not sure what I am looking for here I know no one can give me the answers I need
I have been married almost 13 years and was told we could not have children with out help
So we finally got pregnant and my Joseph was born January 23 2015 he was and is my world I have never felt love like this before than February 17 2015 he passed away from SIDS
I feel robed mad angry sad disappointed and every other emotion you could possibly feel I just want my son back and no one can help or tell me what I need to do

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Wendy - posted on 06/16/2016

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Hi Tanya, First of all I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. I, too was told I had about a 10 % chance of ever carrying to full term... and after 2 miscarriages I got pregnant in 95 and gave birth to my son, Jeremy in may 1996. He was 7lbs 7oz and perfectly healthy. He never caught a cold or anything, I lost him on Sept 16 1996, to SIDS. he was 4 1/2 months old. I also felt like i had been robbed. I was angry at God for giving him to me and then taking him away. I struggled with the reality not knowing if in fact I was even a mommy anymore... and that in itself kept my head busy. I would have nightmares of finding him almost every night and also would awake in the middle of the night hearing him cry and i would have "let down" cuz i had been breastfeeding. That would depress me even more.. I had a strong support group in the beginning and if it weren't for them i would definitely be dead,as that is all I really wanted to be... Then suddenly my support group started to dwindle away.And life went on for everyone but me. I was lost. I was angry. And every bit of faith I had was gone. I was spiritually bankrupt. Then one of the ladies told me that it was time for me to get over it and move on with my life.. needless to say, I isolated myself from everyone for quite some time. In fact it was several years later before it was brought to my attention that somewhere along the way I had disassociated myself from the situation all together. Thats when I got help. and finally started the healing process. Jeremy would have been 20 last month on the third. And if I can tell you one thing.. just know that it doesnt really get BETTER.. It gets DIFFERENT and somehow different is better.. I would suggest you contact your local hospice and see if they have a "Compassionate Friends " group that you can attend. They are a support group for parents that have lost children. Sometimes it helps to talk to people that are going thru what you are
















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Amanda - posted on 06/14/2016

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I know how you feel. The shock, the pain and heartache, the feeling of wanting to mother but no child is there, waiting for a cry that will never come, wondering what they would look like, wanting to fill your empty arms.. I lost my son Brooks almost 6 years ago to SIDS. He was 5 weeks and 3 days old. The pain never goes away, but it does get better in a way I guess with time and acceptance. Just have faith that one day you will see you Joseph again someday and you can pick up where you left off. It helps me to know that I will see my Brooks again. Our little boys are probably playing together in Heaven smiling down on us. Just know that they are okay. And you did your best while Joseph was with you. That time together was a blessing for both of you and I'm sure you were and are his whole world. Stay strong! And always have faith. If you want to chat, I'm here. ♥

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Tanya - posted on 06/16/2016

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I am happy to say for me I went back to fertility a month later and ended up pregnant now six month old daughter she is great healthy thriving but every day I wonder if this will be my last day with her I Trianon to live like that it is very hard but one day at a time is what I am doing
Know one around me seems to understand they think I am fine because we now have Hailey but in some was I think it is worse I don't sleep in fear I will wake and she will be gone

Tanya - posted on 06/14/2016

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To my son. . A Picture Of You

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here,
I really cannot say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my first born an
My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me and your Dad grow old!

I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.
You are my heart my soul my everything with out you here I will never be whole again
To my son my first my everything mommy loves you

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