My son never talks to me - if I am lucky it is a short text of a few words only

Jan - posted on 08/21/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My adult son and I were so very close until he married a girl who hated me. He never calls me and I get about six words in a text a day if that many and some days nothing. Very painful to be ignored and snubbed by him.

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Firebird - posted on 08/21/2013

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Why do you need him to talk to you every day? What's wrong with once a week? Maybe if you didn't expect him to talk to you so much he'd be willing to call more.

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Vickie - posted on 08/24/2013

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You need that dead time that provides opportunity to talk. Open subjects that lead to the issue (I sure miss when we used to be so close...or Remember when we...) and prepare to listen and temporarily even hide your feelings. Try not to react at all, so he feels free to share. Plan family events, visits, dinners, or outings that include unentertained time together (not a movie etc. because it doesn't allow dead time). A mom/son dinner, golf or even putt-putt, a hike somewhere, or a walk if your area has a Greenway, or a drive somewhere (like go have lunch at a winery or some restaurant that's a drive away). Hopefully he will feel like he can share. Then you can address it later. You'll have to accept the fact that he is committed to his wife now.

Vicky - posted on 08/23/2013

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My 18 year old daughter doesn't run a brush or comb through her hair! Se says its the messy look, it's the get up in the morning and don't brush your hair look. She gets defensive when I talk to her about it.

Lana - posted on 08/22/2013

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I am going to go on a long shot here and say that he might have been too close to you during the courtship between him and his now wife. This causes problems with couples because the woman usually wants some independence from her man. I understand your hurt, but your son has chosen the happiness of his wife to mean more. It doesn't mean that he has stopped loving you, it just means that he has rearranged his priorities. Try offering a lunch date now and then to catch up on things. In time your son should settle into his new life and find it fit for you to become a part of it all.

Michelle - posted on 08/22/2013

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Have you asked him why?
One of my BIL's has married a woman who refused to let him contact his family for years until just recently. She has now added me on Fb (they live on the other side of the world and I have never spoken to them) and we are planning on seeing them when we visit up there next year.
Maybe sit down with your son and DIL to see what has gone wrong and what can be done to rectify the problem.

Janice - posted on 08/22/2013

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Maybe it's rude for a mother to expect her son, to put her above his wife. How would you like to be in her shoes.

Jan - posted on 08/22/2013

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I would love to hear his voice, but he never talks to me personally. I would love a call once a week to actually have conversation and catch up. There is no voice communication. Just hurts to be shut out.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/21/2013

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So you're upset because your son is now cleaving unto his spouse, whom you probably didn't like in the first place, and you don't understand why he's not contacting you as often?

Get a grip, mom. Do you call YOUR mother every day (provided she still lives, that is)? Do you have long, drawn out convos with your dad every day?

Our children grow up. They form relationships, and they move forward. If you cannot accept your children's choice of spouse/partner, then expect to be frozen out of the communication. As it is, I imagine that you probably didn't come out of your meetings with his spouse smelling like a rose garden...or she'd probably have gotten along with you better. Always remember that there are two sides to every story...And both sides think they're in the right.

My eldest is 19, and he (even before he moved out of the house) didn't always have a daily convo with me, let alone a text. Not because he doesn't love me, but because he has his own life to live, and I don't need to be super involved in it at this point. He comes to me as needed, and I'm here for him. He chats or texts me when he's bored, but I don't take offense if I don't hear from him for a couple of days.

and to be brutally honest...I dated a guy like your son once...with an overbearing know it all mother who hated me...thank god I grew up and got some sense before I committed to a marriage with his family!

Janice - posted on 08/21/2013

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I have a son, call it rude if you like. I just try to get along with his women. I've been in your shoes dear. I hope things get better for you. My son had one crazy girlfriend, she was very obnoxious. The bible says: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
Ephesians 5:11.

Janice - posted on 08/21/2013

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Well, you need to get along with his girlfriend. A man is supposed to leave his family to take care of his wife.

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