My son's dad has been in and out of his life, what should I do?

Jocelyn - posted on 07/13/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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The last time he saw him was in February and went 5 months without asking too see him or how he was. He just recently tried contacting me to see the baby, I'm tired of him just randomly popping up into the baby's life, my son doesn't even know who his father is because he's only seen him a couple times. My question is, what can I do to keep him out of our lives completely? He doesn't help with the baby, he's never given me anything for the baby, his name is not on the birth certificate and my son has my last name.

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Dove - posted on 07/14/2012

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He IS the father though. You had sex with this man and made a baby with him and now you want to punish him because he isn't being the dad that you want him to be, but he IS your son's dad and will be for the rest of his life whether you like it or not.



I wouldn't be letting him take his son without a court order determining the things I already mentioned, but see him under supervision? Absolutely. Your son has a right to have access to this man and no amount of you disagreeing will change that fact.



Yes, an in and out dad is rough, but if it's all your son knows.... it will, most likely, be much better for him than no dad at all. It will be normal life if you make it normal for him and not focus on when dad ISN'T there, but just be visibly happy for your son when he IS there...

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Jocelyn - posted on 07/14/2012

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No I don't have any court orders, he does not want to go to court. He simply just wants to see the child whenever he feels like it. I just don't want my son to suffer from having his father in and out of his life because that's exactly what his father has been doing since he was born. A father is someone who helps raise a child and is there for them from day one, he hasn't done anything for the child.

Dove - posted on 07/14/2012

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You don't. He's the father. Do you have a court order for custody and visitation (I'm assuming not since he's not even on the birth certificate)? If not, get one. Get paternity (if you weren't married and he's not on the birth certificate this is standard), custody, visitation, and child support all set up legally. Unless your ex is a danger to your child though... you don't keep him out of your son's life. Your son deserves to have a chance (no matter how small your ex allows that chance to be) to know his father and form his own opinions of the man. You can't force the man to be a dad, but you shouldn't force your son to not have any father either.

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