my son's high heel and female clothes fetish

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

Hello everyone, this is a very strange topic but my son is 19 years old and he has a fetish for women's shoes, he does not know that I know about this and he does not seem to be telling me about it. I have noticed he has bought 3 of his own pairs of heels and he loves kissing them and licking them. Also he has a fetish for female clothing such as maxi dresses and cat suits. I am not worried about this right now but should I talk to him regarding these fetishes or do I continue spying on him every time.
Please could you help me out and tell me what to do
Thanks alot

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Jodi - posted on 04/28/2015

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"EVERY mother at one point in time will "spy" on their children so Jodi, relax..."

I'm sorry, but no, every mother WON'T spy on her children at some point. Where do you get your statistics from? Spying is an indication of being very deliberate about it. And that IS an invasion of privacy. It is one thing to come upon it by accident, quite another to go out of your way to spy on or suggest to continue to spy on your ADULT child.

Again, another poster insulting my intelligence. I do not spy, and never WILL spy on my adult children. Neither should any parent. You either deal with it and discuss it with your child, or you leave it, but you don't freaking keep spying. That's just a violation of their rights.

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Jodi - posted on 04/28/2015

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"If I'm cleaning up and go into their room and see something questionable, I talk to them about it."

You still clean you ADULT children's rooms? Okay, we DO live on different planets. My adult and almost adult children are capable of cleaning up themselves. I have no need to go into their rooms without their permission. I do have an open relationship with them, but it does not include going into their rooms without permission. Every person deserves some level of privacy.

"As far as being a "POSER" "

Nope, I didn't call you a poser. I referred to you as a poster, someone who posted on this conversation. I'm sorry you feel I was using some term to insult you. I didn't.

"And the issue that Asim had asked about in her post about her son - you NEVER even said anything about the main issue - what she should do. YOU never offered any advise but just berated her about her spying on her son."

LOL, In your opinion. In my opinion I made her rethink whether she should be spying on her adult child.

"Spy" - one who keeps secret watch on a person or thing to obtain information.

^^Official definition. If you have a different view of what spying is, then by all means, go for it. But given MY views of what spying is align with the official definition of what spying is, there is nothing wrong with my opinion about spying on adult children and violation of privacy.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/28/2015

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The OP violates her adult son's privacy, and wants validation to do so...What a hoot!
Sorry, but the fact that her kid is an adult negates her 'asking' for advice. She didn't really ask for advice, she asked for validation that intentionally spying on another adult is OK.
So sorry, but once my kids were old enough (oh, about the time that puberty hit), I quit trying to see what they were wearing...Let alone what any sexual fetishes or interests may be. My kids are open enough with me that I don't need to resort to spying.
The other poster's response? The one telling Jodi to 'relax'... is just laughable. I guarantee that a parent has no need to spy on their children, if they've used proper parenting tools and have a good relationship with them.
ETA: Kathleen, perhaps you need to adjust your spectacles...Jodi never once said you were a 'POSER'. She said you are (quite correctly) a POSTER. As in another person who posted on this thread.

Kathleen - posted on 04/28/2015

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I guess My definition of "spying" is not what your definition is. SPYING to me is this - I make sure that I look at where my kids are going, who they are hanging out with, what they have in their rooms - I don't go into my kids dresser looking for stuff, If I'm cleaning up and go into their room and see something questionable, I talk to them about it. Simple as that. If I hear them talk about something that raises questions, I talk with them about that too.

BUT I have an open relationship with my kids, we talk about everything - even the touchy subjects. I also request that if they are going out somewhere, I want to know who they are going with and I want to know where they will be. I ask questions. I don't just turn a blind eye to something I see or feel or notice. I don't care how old they get, I will continue to care about my kids and ask questions.

As far as being a "POSER" You have no idea who I am or what I stand for or what has happened to me in my life. I never insulted your intelligence - I just said relax... YOU must be a very uptight person to have to lash out like that at a perfect stranger... So sorry for you... Maybe you need some Calgon to take you away???

And the issue that Asim had asked about in her post about her son - you NEVER even said anything about the main issue - what she should do. YOU never offered any advise but just berated her about her spying on her son. Isn't that what this forum is all about? asking for advise and getting ideas?

You need to learn not to sweat the small stuff - and a comment like RELAX is small. So again, I say - Jodi, Relax.

Kathleen - posted on 04/28/2015

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I understand that you are just trying to find out about your son and understand him and what he is feeling. EVERY mother at one point in time will "spy" on their children so Jodi, relax...

Asim - if I were you, I would sit down with him and tell him that you love him and you want to understand whats going on. If he has an open mind and you have a good relationship, you'll be able to talk about it. BUT when you are, you need to stay calm. Don't fly off the handle if he tells you something you don't want to hear.

This might be out the realm of a mom's expertise, but if he is feeling he's transgender or gay or any other label that you want to put on it to understand what he is doing and feeling, you might want to get a professional involved that specializes in this type of behavior.

Good Luck with everything!

Jodi - posted on 04/28/2015

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You do spy on him that way. You very clearly ASKED whether your should continue spying on him every time. So please don't insult my intelligence.

[deleted account]

Hi Jodi, I don't spy on him in that way. I just happen to catch him with high heels and it does make me feel odd. I am not sure on whether for him to tell me about this or do I talk to him personally about this topic.

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