My son treats me with disrespect, but shows total respect to his Dad

Sue - posted on 11/12/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I look after him the most, always do stuff for him, but yet he talks down to me so much. I can't stand bad manners and so react and then we have a huge row. Not when his father is at home though.

Noone sees how awful he is to me.! I know it takes 2 to make an argument and I could do better I accept, but it all starts from how he speaks/ respond to something. He wouldn't dare speak to his father the same.

Really hurts. His dad was never a hands on father ...in fact he didn't really want kids, so I'm the one who's done most of the caring. But this last year, being 12, he's gone against me and loving his dad lots more.

Puzzled!

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Bobbi - posted on 11/15/2015

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when my brothers(twins) were 12-13 they were total buttwads,they loved to get people worked up tell they were red in the face then they would walk away laughing.but they knew what they were saying and doing would get the reaction they wanted,it seems your son knows not to mess with dad but he knows how to get you all worked up,my advice dont feed into it,dont show him that your reaching your breaking point and like jodi said calmly tell him dont do/say that and when he sees you're not reacting the way he wants hell find something else..although my brothers pushed harder to get me angry and i did fall for it sometimes but after awhile it seemed they got bored,i hope this helps in some way

Jodi - posted on 11/12/2015

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Stop allowing him to treat you with disrespect. And stop arguing with him. Make sure you have clear boundaries that both you and dad agree on, and both of you sit down and let your son know where those boundaries are. Have very clear and consistent consequences for disrespectful behaviour. As long as the consequence for disrespectful behaviour is that he gets a reaction from you and draws you into the conflict cycle, then you are not going to win and you are not going to get the respect. You need to learn to remain calm and follow through consistently with consequences, not arguments.

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Sue - posted on 11/15/2015

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Thankyou all

I hate bad manners and so this behaviour is just lighting my fuse.
I'll try girls!

Raye - posted on 11/13/2015

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Jodi's right. You are with him most and you "always do stuff for him", so in a way, he's showing his trust by showing you the worst side of himself, knowing you will still love him. But that's not good. You can't allow the disrespect. You have to teach him to respect you by having consistent consequences when he doesn't. My husband will argue with the kids, and I'm like "you're the parent, it should not be a discussion". Once the decision is made, that's final. Don't give in to the arguments. It is actually showing love to your child to have rules and consequences, so that your child knows how to treat people and how they should demand others treat them, and will have a happier life once they leave the nest.

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