my son who is 21 has claimed im an unfit mum, and wont speak i cant beleive my son would say things like that what do i do

Samantha - posted on 04/06/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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ive had 3 boy and they are all growing up, there were at the 20, 16, 14, i was a single mum for many years, the dad of two of them never helped out and not around that much for them,i never hit my boy, infact ive only ever shouted at them,ive worked two jobs to give them what they need, and yes at times they had to see to them self with me working, ive never had a penny of the fathers,now 2 of my boys have kids of there own,my 21 year old didnt want me to have a relation with any man, my family say that he was trying to control me and tell me what to do, people said to me you let ur son treat you like that, my son had his own girlfriend and went to collage, his girlfriend got pregant,i met someone nice bloke big family brought up well catholics, even he said how do u let ur son treat you like that.anyway my son want to move his girlfriend in, i said id think about it but he did it anyway, they didnt go looking for there own place, i think there plan to have baby live at my house rent free, but i said i cant aford to let them do that, even my new fella said hed help out with a deposit, well it caused so many problem and i was get upset,my son turn round and said ur never goin to see this baby as you taking drugs ur a lair and ur a bad mum,

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Michelle - posted on 04/06/2013

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If you are such an unfit mother then he can move out and support his family on his own. Make it clear to him that when he needs help that he's the one that has decided that you are an unfit mother and maybe he should rethink his accusations.

Tell him to go and don't take to heart what he is saying. He has been the one in control for years and now that you are standing up to him he's not liking it. Yes, everyone else was right, he had control over you and you let him. Stand your ground as he will soon be back.

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2013

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Not at all. You have spent most of your life sacrificing EVERYTHING for your children and now that they are growing up it's your turn to be "selfish" and do things for YOU. You have done the hardest part of your job and that was teaching your children all the life skills to be able to leave the nest and support themselves in the big wide world.

You have put all your own dreams on hold for the last 21 years to do whatever you needed to do to provide for your children, now is the time that you should step back and say: "Stuff everyone else, I'm doing _________" Your children have no control on how you want to live your life.

Unfortunately, they don't always see it this way at first but I would say give your oldest a few years and after he has had to give up some of his dreams to be able to provide for his family he may come around and realize what your did as a single Mum.

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2013

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Put as much distance between you and them as possible. They are very petty when they don't get their own way. Unless they make false police reports and "dob" you in as a drug dealer then don't let what they say get to you. Your real friends will stand by you and you have already said that your other son isn't the same.

Spend time with your other children and grandchild. I know it's hard to turn your back on your children but if they can't give you the respect you deserve then they don't deserve to a part of the family.

Like the old saying goes (and you probably said it to your kids growing up): "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." In reality that's all they have (the name calling) and if you don't react then they will soon tire of it. It's like I tell my kids, ignore them and they will get bored because they aren't getting a reaction. They will soon move onto something else.

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Marlene - posted on 04/06/2013

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i agree 100% with Michelle. Also sounds like you could do without some of this drama your son is putting you through. Forget about what their Dad is saying - he is only making himself look bad. I have a feeling things will work out just fine for you - you just have to give it time...your son and his girlfriend will come around.

Liz - posted on 04/06/2013

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I just want to post to agree with what Michelle is saying and reinforce that, given what you've said here, Samantha, you don't sound like an unfit mother. You sound like a good one who has sacrificed everything to give her sons a good start in life, even if they don't behave that way or even understand what it is you've done for them.

I can't add anything else to Michelle's advice, which is excellent.

Samantha - posted on 04/06/2013

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all my boys are growing up, my youngest is 15, me getting or having life does that class me as an unfit mum and selfish

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2013

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Mine are the only comments in here. The other ones are yours. That's why it says 6 (well will be 7 when I hit post). The " ____ mom's have responded" count up the top doesn't differentiate between people.

Samantha - posted on 04/06/2013

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can you tell me how do i look at other comment that have been put i can only see yours and thanks

Samantha - posted on 04/06/2013

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him and his girlfriend are calling me a druggie slag and other things,my son girlfriend is the one who was telling me the rules to see my grandchild, we didnt know from one week to the next if would be seeing her not,he said they are moving out so i said fine go they had to leave in a homeless place and blame me for that but they got a brand new house now, and now my 2 son had a baby but he said that they will never stop me from seeing baby as they have no reason to, but now cause of that his dad has gone round swearing and shouting at him sayin why you letting that sick slag see that baby and if u keep her in ur life then i would be in it,but there dad has never hardly been around for them plus he beat me up when we were together

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