My son won't give me his Facebook password!?

Barbara - posted on 03/27/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




At my 11 year olds son middle school and elementary they allow cell phones during times when the students aren't learning such as during lunch time or when there is a substitute teacher. Kids let other kids use their cell phones. 7 months ago, I discovered my son borrowed a cell phone to create a Facebook when he was 8. I confronted my son about this. He admitted to this. I even saw posts on other websites during school hours connected to his name and on his Facebook wall. He swears, posts pictures that I feel are inappropriate, lies about his age, talks to older girls on Facebook and other websites. I report his Facebook account daily and have multiple friends report his account daily since the day I discovered he had a Facebook, no luck. I also demanded his password. He wouldn't give it to me. I explained to him why I wanted his password (predators, bullying) and his father showed him a Dr. Phil episode about a girl being raped by a man she met on a cellphone with internet and how cyber bullied kids committed suicide. I had him sit at the dinner table until he gave me his password. He sat there all day Saturday and Sunday. Then I tried other consequences such as taking away TV, computer and friend privileges and he still didn't give me his password. I told the school not to let him borrow cell phones and he didn't listen to them and they gave up after 3 months. They gave him lunch and after school detention and he took cell phones and didn't give them up he was using them in detention the school tried to grab them from him and the school gave up after 2 months. A month ago his teacher was absent from one week because she was feeling sick. During that week, my son watched rated movies with friend's cell phones. I know because he even told me what they are about. He doesn't use the internet in my home unless it's for homework. Even if he did, he wouldn't log onto Facebook. The district said they cannot keep out cell phones so they "compromised" and allowed kids to use cell phones during times when they aren't learning such as during lunch time or when there is a substitute teacher in all their schools. I switched schools 3 tines already private and charter schools also. My son will find a way to sneak in a cell phone and he already has done that they took away 5 cell phones away in 1 day from him but they put him under strict supervision but they said they can't supervise him like that every day nor can they supervise him 100%. Every day when he comes home he just sits at the corner every day until he gives me his password and he sits there all day doesn't watch TV, use computer or go to friend's homes he just does his homework and on the weekends. This went on for 4 months and was at 7 months overall he still didn't give me his password. I was told to seriously start taking away privileges but what else is there to take away? The parents in my area don't care. My mother and the rest of my family knew he had a Facebook since the day he created one and all of them told him not to tell me. Everyone says I'm too strict and that all kids post these things these days. Last week, he threatened to publish our names and address if I continue to bug him with his password and the next he posted our names and address and I got a phone call. He recited our address and said he was going to come and kill us. Nothing happened. What should I do?

P.S. I was also thinking about homeschooling him because of this. Please give me advice on that?


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2013




Ok, you need to put the brakes on your kid before he gets himself or you seriously injured or killed.

I don't personally know about homeschooling, but if you have the patience, and the willingness to present all of the necessary materials, go for it. As far as the school not being able to enforce consequences on him, they need to batten down and take care of business on school grounds. There is NO NEED for a child to have a cell phone in elementary school, and seldom little need in middle school, and the school IS within it's rights to demand that cell phones either be turned in to teachers at the beginning of the day, and handed back as students are leaving, or to demand that cell phones not be brought onto the school grounds.

However, this is more than just the blatant disrespect that your son is dishing regarding cell phones. Its the blatant disregard for you as his parent, it's the blatant disrespect and disobeying that is going on.

So, start with demanding consequences at school. If he is not following the rules and detention isn't doing the trick, they need to suspend him. Then, when you've got him during the suspension, you start on the rest. Honestly, I don't know where to tell you to start because it is so out of control. Maybe counseling, but a complete shutdown of electronics both in the home and access at school is the first step. If he's got homework that requires the computer, you can drive him to the library and hover over his shoulder.

No television, no video, no games, no computer, no phone. No social life. Consequences for posting your private information online and abusing the privilege of having access to the internet.

TOUGH LOVE. It sounds like you've been waffling because everyone tells you that you are too strict, and this is the result. Well, let me ask you this: is everyone raising your son, or are you? Who's the parent here? You, or "everyone"?

Everyone "thought" I was too strict with my kids too. But, a few years down the road, when my brother's children were in jail and on probation for various stupid stunts, and my sister's kid was in prison for arson and robbery, and another brother's kid was on probation for violence issues, all of a sudden "everyone" was coming back to me wondering how I managed to get my kids to turn out right. Well, it started out with me ignoring everyone in the first place, and raising my kids with my values and standards.

My kids both have cell phones (they buy time for), computers, gaming systems, etc. My eldest has graduated, has a full time job, and is checking out the military. My younger is a freshman, has A & B grades, and volunteers 10-20 hours a week at a food bank. Neither has ever considered acting out, because they both were given reasonable expectations for their behaviour, consequences for poor behaviour, and rewards when we could for excellent acts.

Good luck, but it's going to be hard to start now...buckle down and it'll happen, though!

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