My son won't see his father

Becca - posted on 04/10/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old son won't see his father since he had an affair 18 months ago. We are now divorced and he has seen him a couple of times but has been very upset afterwards. I am now conscious that he is becoming a teenager, will I be able to give him everything he needs to be happy and grow into a great man or do I force him to spend time with his father?

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Jodi - posted on 04/10/2015

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But how does you 12 year old know that daddy cheated? How did he find that out?

Ev - posted on 04/10/2015

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I find it hard to understand how the son found out about this affair his father had. Someone had to have told him. You? Dad? Its bad enough that kids have to deal with a divorce and custody let alone facts as to why this is all happening. They just lost the world they knew and they do not need all the gritty details of why.

As to refusal of seeing his dad, what to the court papers have to say on that? Where you live is he of an age that he can decide not to go because most of what I have seen here is that a child must be a bit older than this to decide where they want to live and even if they will go on visitation or not. Before you discourage anything, you should check the laws and see what is what because if you do not, dad can and will take you back to court to either enforce the orders set or to say that he is being alienated as a parent even if its not a choice you are making but allowing the kid to decide this.

I think it was wrong of dad not to include his son in on the news of the new marriage. Is it the woman he had the affair with or do you know? And he should have been the one to tell your son the news and not pawned it on you to do for him. Its his relationship with his son that is going to be affected.

Becca - posted on 04/10/2015

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My son is just very angry with him for breaking up the simple family life he enjoyed before. He had no idea that anything was wrong between us and so it came as a huge shock to both of us to discover that my ex had been seeing someone else. I have tried to make everything seem as positive as possible and come up with ideas of things he could do with his father but he just shuts down. It was all made worse by the fact that 2 weeks ago my ex emailed to say that he had recently remarried and would I let our son know. He feels rejected by him as he only found out after the event. At the moment he needs time to heel but I'm not sure how to give that a positive outcome.

Raye - posted on 04/10/2015

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You should encourage a relationship with his father, but not force one. You should talk to both your son and the ex to find out what happened to cause him to be very upset after the visits.

Jodi - posted on 04/10/2015

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Have you asked him why he doesn't want to see his father? You have mention he doesn't want to since his father had an affair....how does he know his father had an affair?

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