my sons contact with his father.

Melissa - posted on 01/04/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

7

0

0

Hello, I'm in need of some advise! - my son is 3, I split with his dad shortly after he turned one. The contact has been up and down, he had him 3 days a week at first.. Then it went onto one evening a week and every other weekend, ever since meeting his girlfriend it has dropped to every other weekend, if I am I'll in hospital or needing help from him or his family they have an attitude of they will not if it is not on there designated day, he promised my son twonweeks holiday a year for the last two years, on both occasions he chose to go away to visit his girlfriends family instead.. Any ideas as to how I can get him to care about his son?! He didn't see him over Christmas - Evan though its the first real year my boy understands about Santa! Obviously refused to have him new year due to the fact he had a party.. I just am at my Whits end, sick of fighting with someone to see his son as arranged.. And to act like a father at all times not just 4 days in the month!

3 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2014

3,535

36

3906

I can understand that. It saddened me too. It still saddens me. But I don't look at it as my responsibility any more, so I stopped fighting it. It was always his responsibility. Nothing I ever did made a difference, and when I stopped taking it on as my responsibility and something I had to fix, I became a happier and calmer person, which ultimately was better for my son in the long term.

Melissa - posted on 01/04/2014

7

0

0

Thankyou, I am just saddened by him getyi g let down and at such a young age :)

Jodi - posted on 01/04/2014

3,535

36

3906

You can't control what he chooses to do, and to be quite honest, it will only frustrate you if you try. I remember (many years ago) feeling this same frustration. You need to let go of the idea that he will be the perfect father. It is not a battle you can win. When you realise you can't win the battle and stop fighting, you will come to peace with it and just get on with what you need to.

Your son may feel disappointment at times. But to be honest, he will adjust to it. He can still have a good relationship with his father. My son is now 16, and I have been dealing with this exact same thing since he was 2. He has a great relationship with his dad, but his dad is not really a great "father". But my son is well balanced, he's a good kid, and he has accepted and embraces what he gets. I never talk bad about his dad, but he knows his dad is not particularly reliable. But he loves him - isn't that the important thing?

If you are sick of fighting with him to see his son, stop fighting. Continue to encourage, by all means. Continue to be flexible. Make sure the door is open always. But don't fight it. When you stop fighting, you will reduce the stress it creates.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms